Funniest posts (rollin' thread)

[Halen Snuka]

Mikky_Five scored with this one. Almost as good as ZVD's Oreo cookie pic

[Halen Snuka]

Predict the attendance at Winger/Firehouse/Bulletboyz:

200. Which amounts to about 679 teeth.

[Halen Snuka]

Demonfilth2001 provides the PROOF that even Danzig in the Dark is not colorblind:

I don’t recognize black or white, so he’s just another billionaire to me. Is he OK being labeled black, or is it just when he’s the top black person at something.

How do you not recognize black or white? Background on Sludge is black. Default font is white. Metallica had the Black Album. Beatles had the White Album.

[Halen Snuka]

[DemonFilth2001]

That made me laugh

[WBS President]

…I might have been a bit of a jerk back then.

I was a sophmore back in '86. Excluding myself, my tale includes 4 participants… Mike and Rhonda, the popular couple in school, and two nerds named Brian and Mark.

The setup: I’m at my desk during 5th period english class, knowing full well that popular Mike occupies the same desk during the next period’s class. Back then it was common for kids to write notes on notebook paper, fold them up, and pass them to friends.

So, there I sat, bored, and decided to stir up trouble. I wrote a horribly perverse note about wanting to have sex with Mike’s girlfriend Rhonda. The note was very descriptive… real sick and twisted… filthy, borderline grotesque stuff. I then addressed the note to one of the school geeks, Brian, and signed off as the other dork Mark.

So I had written a sickening fake note from one nerd to the other nerd. I folded it up in the classic note passing triangle shape, and just as my class let out, I dropped it on the floor under my desk, where I knew Mike would find it next period.

Oh he found it, alright, and took the bait like a boss. After 6th period, I turned down a hallway to see Mike pounding Mark into bloody Play Doh. I swear I can still hear Mark gurgling and crying, “Mike, stop! I didn’t write the fucking note, Mike!” as he was being beaten and humiliated in front of a crowd of students, watching and laughing, including girls.

Oh man, that was funny. Good times.

[WBS President]

I lived in the dorms the first 2 years of college. Sophomore year, there was this little dude on the same floor as me that had a room by himself. He was kind of the floor dork, if you will. Short guy. Nerdy, but friendly. One night he was in the shower and I (under the influence of my buddies) snuck just outside his shower stall, lit a pack of Black Cat firecrackers and tossed them under the door, then ran like hell down the hall. The pops could be heard throughout the entire floor. Little dude must’ve damn near shit himself. The acoustics in the shower had to be loud as fuck. He came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel still covered with soap and shampoo and almost in tears, yelling about “that’s high school shit, man!!” He went into his room, slammed the door, and you could hear him throwing and breaking shit.

Shortly thereafter the floor RA came into the study lounge at the end of the hall where my fellow conspirators and I feigned ignorance of what happened. He said, “All right, who crackered the little dude?” Our poker faces were strong and no one gave me up.

I’m still friends with all of those guys and we still laugh about it to this day.

[WBS President]

Nine or ten years old. Classmate had spent all morning in an OCD fashion tidying up his workbook and was going to present it proudly to the teacher. Made the mistake of saying something like “ok, I’m going to go to the toilet then I’ll show him my work when I get back”. So of course when he leaves the room his book gets scribbled in. He comes back, grabs the book and goes to show the teacher. Teacher thumbs through the book and sees one page with a big scribble on it. Says “what’s this?”

Then the gates of hell open.

The kid IMMEDIATELY starts crying. Scratch that. Wailing. Screams I DIDNT DO IT! I’M GONNA TELL MY MOM ON YOU! Whole class watching what’s happening with mouths open. Kid turns to face the class. Announces to the class that the teacher is a BITCH.

It’s a male teacher.

Teacher grabs him by the earlobe and drags him outside. They’re out there talking for ten minutes then the kid comes back in and sits down sheepishly, doesn’t mention the incident.

Thirty years later he still doesn’t know we scribbled in his book.

[REO Cokewagon]

ROSS FRIEDMAN KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT
OUR TIN-EARED PICCOLO BASS MASTER PRODUCES WITH THE SUBTLETY OF MJOLLNIR CRASHING DOWN ON THY LISTENER’S SKULL
IN OTHER WORDS
THE BOSS IS THE SIR GEORGE MARTIN OF POWER METAL
HIS RECORD PRODUCTION FINESSE LED TO HIM SUCCESSFULLY OPENING UP BATTING CAGES IN QUEENS
A SYMPHONY OF BATTED BALLS, IF YOU WILL
FURTHERMORE
AS FOR HIS ASSERTION WE ARE TUNING DOWN TO THE EARTH’S CORE TO ACCOMMODATE MY CHANGING VOCALS, I WILL REMIND YOU ALL THAT I AM TURNING 70 THIS JULY
NOBODY’S VOICE LASTS FOREVER, UNLESS YOU ARE KING FUCKING DIAMOND, THAT FACE-PAINTED SATANIC PRICK
AND I’LL ADD
HIS CLAIM MYSELF AND MY BANDMATES ARE ‘MEDIOCRE FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT’ IN THIS DAY AND AGE SOUNDS MORE DISCORDANT THAN IT REALLY IS
AFTER ALL
THIS IS A GUY WHO PUNCTUATES HIS EXCLAMATIONS WITH ‘NOT NO MORE’ AND ‘YOUSE GUYS’ ON THE REG, SO HARSH IS HIS BREAD AND BUTTER

[REO Cokewagon]

HAILS AND MIGHTY THANKS, HUECIFER
A HEARTY HANDSHAKE WITH GLOVES OF METAL IS COMING YOUR WAY
BUT I DIGRESS
ZERO IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER WHEN IT COMES TO BAND PERCENTAGES
IS MY CREATIVE/LUCRATIVE TANK TRULY EMPTY?
AS LONG AS I HAVE DRYWALLING, TURKEY HUNTS AND RED WINE, MY LIFE IS ALWAYS BURSTING WITH FUN
GLASS HALF FULL, BROTHER
P.S. MANOWAR WOULD BE JACK SHIT WITHOUT ME AND SIR JOSEPH OF BROSEPH DAMN WELL KNOWS IT

[REO Cokewagon]

Where did you find these numbers? In your ass?

i googled it. didn't bother to check every source. which numbers do you dispute?

All of them. You've been on here for 20 fucking years and you can't tell inflated record sales by now?

You must have manure for your brains.

[Black Mamba]

ROSS FRIEDMAN KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT
OUR TIN-EARED PICCOLO BASS MASTER PRODUCES WITH THE SUBTLETY OF MJOLLNIR CRASHING DOWN ON THY LISTENER’S SKULL
IN OTHER WORDS
THE BOSS IS THE SIR GEORGE MARTIN OF POWER METAL
HIS RECORD PRODUCTION FINESSE LED TO HIM SUCCESSFULLY OPENING UP BATTING CAGES IN QUEENS
A SYMPHONY OF BATTED BALLS, IF YOU WILL
FURTHERMORE
AS FOR HIS ASSERTION WE ARE TUNING DOWN TO THE EARTH’S CORE TO ACCOMMODATE MY CHANGING VOCALS, I WILL REMIND YOU ALL THAT I AM TURNING 70 THIS JULY
NOBODY’S VOICE LASTS FOREVER, UNLESS YOU ARE KING FUCKING DIAMOND, THAT FACE-PAINTED SATANIC PRICK
AND I’LL ADD
HIS CLAIM MYSELF AND MY BANDMATES ARE ‘MEDIOCRE FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT’ IN THIS DAY AND AGE SOUNDS MORE DISCORDANT THAN IT REALLY IS
AFTER ALL
THIS IS A GUY WHO PUNCTUATES HIS EXCLAMATIONS WITH ‘NOT NO MORE’ AND ‘YOUSE GUYS’ ON THE REG, SO HARSH IS HIS BREAD AND BUTTER

Never change sir.

[REO Cokewagon]

I mean... that's a pretty quick train ride...

My trains from San Diego to Union Station probably take longer, but I'm not all popping off about a train across SoCal.

It's not that quick a train ride, at least 2 hours, I think... and your train arrives in a different timezone, people are speaking a different language, the money's different, everyone has crooked teeth, everyone's super polite, it's like a different planet!

Fair points. But you've been to LA. When I take the train up there it feels like a different planet. Weirdos like Paul Stanley and HueyRamone live there.

The Nobleman

[REO Cokewagon]

Reaction from a pic of Lizzo's big fat ass:

Her ass looks like a color enhanced photograph of the surface of planet Mars.

[HueyRamone]

Reaction from a pic of Lizzo's big fat ass:

Her ass looks like a color enhanced photograph of the surface of planet Mars.

pic?

[REO Cokewagon]

I just woke up from the craziest fucking dream. I was playing onstage with Ratt and I was purposely playing horrible and was running around the stage slapping Robbin and Stephen on the ass. The crowd was horrified. Then I started playing Jump on this keyboard and was singing it in this crazy Louis Armstrong voice. I woke up laughing this dream was so goofy. I seriously think I've lost my mind

[REO Cokewagon]

Have you ever watched a porno in the theatre? Any of you old enough to have done this in the 70s?

No, but I've shitfucked a racehorse.

The Nobleman

[REO Cokewagon]

When did you realize you were a burnout??

HAILS GERIATRIC GEEZERS AND MENOPAUSAL MAIDENS
IT IS I – ERIC ADAMS – A FIT AS A FIDDLE BEEFCAKE MOTHERFUCKER WHO IS TURNING 70 IN A COUPLE WEEKS
BUT I DIGRESS
I CAN STILL RUN AROUND A MAMMOTH STAGE LIKE A CRACK-ADDICTED SPEEDY GONZALES
AND I’LL ADD
WHETHER I AM CHASING TOM TURKEYS AROUND AN EXPANSIVE UPSTATE NEW YORK FOREST, OR DRYWALLING A HO’S NEW SEX ROOM, OR RUNNING AWAY FROM A JOEY DEMAIO SOLO SPOTLIGHT – A HISTORY OF FITNESS, HEALTHY EATING AND MUCHO COPULATION KEEPS THIS FELLA YOUNG AND ROCK HARD
GET YOUR LAZY ASSES OFF THAT SEMEN-STAINED COUCH, THROW THAT NEW CASE OF RED WHITE & BLUE BEER OUT WITH THIS WEEK’S GARBAGE AND START WITH SOME LIGHT CALISTHENICS (SO YOU DON’T COMPLETELY SHOCK YOUR PEAR-SHAPED, PLAY-DOH TEXTURED BODIES)
MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU, TOO, CAN JOIN THE ARMY OF IMMORTALS (BEER GUTS NEED NOT APPLY)

[REO Cokewagon]

an old-fashioned Sludging:

Screen captures are included on my FB post found here >>> https://www.facebook.com/stevie.rachell ... vtattGTQUl

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Metal Sludge!

Two weeks ago on June 23rd my website Metal Sludge was the 1st to report that Tracii Guns would play a show in Texas from a backstage Toilet because it was too hot on stage.

In a few hours time my social media posts and inbox received countless negative comments and anger filled messages all directed at me that I was making it all up.
I guess this was just too far-fetched and not believable.

Of course it was 100% true, and Tracii even live streamed later that night playing guitar solos while sitting on a Toilet as the rest of L.A. Guns performed live on stage.

One week ago on June 30th, my website Metal Sludge was the 1st to report Bret Michaels was ill and Poison was canceling their Stadium Tour show in Nashville.

I also posted a subsequent article sharing TMZ’s scoop that Bret was actually hospitalized.

Over the following hours I received hundreds and hundreds of hateful messages and comments were made that I was lying, making this up for clicks and spreading false rumors again.

Even Bret’s current self-proclaimed personal assistant / tour manager Mark Chiaramonte messaged me directly and told me my story was false, that “TMZ knows nothing” and demanded I remove my posts.

I politely told him, “No.”

He also posted numerous comments online telling his followers that the story Metal Sludge is reporting was “not true”, that we should “get our story straight” and that Bret “was never in the hospital”.

In addition, long time Bret Michaels body-guard ‘Big John’ Murray also posted that Bret was “not in the hospital” and people should stop “making sh!t up”.

For the record, John is not on the road or with the band, so regardless of his position as friends or a former employee, obviously he doesn’t know as much as he claimed to have known last week.

As for Bret’s assistant friend Mark, well have a look at his posts. The guy can’t even spell his bosses name or form a proper sentence.

Meanwhile as my inbox is being riddled with incoming hate-mail, a crowd of 40,000+ fans sat awaiting the Poison set at Nissan Stadium in Nashville.

Then to the surprise of many… Rikki Rockett, C.C. DeVille and Bobby Dall all walked out on stage – a few hours after the Metal Sludge articles went live –and told the crowd that Bret Michaels was in-fact in the hospital and Poison would not be performing.

Of course during the few hours in-between, the peanut gallery – ie: every person with an iPhone or computer, all chimed in with their version of what was, or wasn’t happening.

And per the usual, 99.99% of all that was said, tweeted, commented or shared, was similar to the wild guesses that Big John and even Bret’s tour manager Mark were spewing all over social media.

Crazy to think, Metal Sludge’s story was not made up, or false, or wrong, it was actually correct.

Later that night, Bret Michaels posted on his official IG account that he was recovering after hospitalization.

Poison never played the show and Bret was in the hospital, all of which was reported by Metal Sludge earlier in the day.

The amount of angry and hate filled outbursts, directed at me and my site for these stories was endless.

Of course Big John has since deleted or edited all of his posts, Bret’s TM hasn’t said another word and of course everyone who called me out and attacked me for being such a liar - well, they have all disappeared too.

Regarding Bret in Nashville, it’s been nothing but crickets since the Metal Sludge story was confirmed.

Just like my Tracii Guns story and countless others over the years.

But the crickets didn’t all go away just yet, nope… they’re back with a new complaint.

Over the last 24 hours, they are now mad about my article regarding Vince Neil using a teleprompter.

Yea, the anger and hate from this post might have outdone both the Bret & Tracii post combined, lol.

And what did I do?

By the reaction, you would think I was caught beating off on Zoom to some teenage girl online.

Or, that I threw a bottle into a concert-goers’ face!

Or, that I was arrested for a DUI, rape or other.

Nope, I was just sharing some music news… and for those who don’t find it ‘news worthy’, then don’t read it.

I reported on an article that I picked up from Blabbermouth, because we do that, and they do that too, as some of our sites share each other’s stories and posts.

I didn’t mock Vince, or say word one about him or his teleprompter, just shared the piece like it was shared by Revolver, Loud Wire, Metal Sucks and several other metal and music news and radio outlets around the globe since yesterday.

To the random folks out there, if you don’t like my site, my articles or any of my posts, don’t read them.

As for any of you who call yourself a friend or a comrade and you want to throw stones, well I hope you are wearing a face shield, because I throw back.

With that said, thanks for reading, thanks for following and thanks for nearly 24 years of Metal Sludge.

To the naysayers - please put all of my long man-meat deep into your throat and choke on it.

Happy Summer…
Stevie Rachelle

[REO Cokewagon]

Re: Blotzer

Are all drummers this stupid ?

In this genre, that's a safe bet.

[REO Cokewagon]

Unusual artwork style for this band. Looks more like a Sugar Ray album cover. Meanwhile, the first track "San Quentin" officially hits today (the 7th).

Why does the van have 6 wheels?

Extra support. The back is full of nickels.

[REO Cokewagon]

Today's word is:

Y'all.

As in: "Y'all I just got my pic with Papa 4"
That was today's word. Feel free to use it in a sentence. Or pepper your posts with it. It's a good word. A solid word.

Y’all I just saw Aerosmith in Vegas
Y’all it was at cool Dolby place
Y’all MTVSmith was cool
Y’all I’m hearing live version of show now Crying
Y’all my peanut butter chocolate ice cream bowl is almost empty

[REO Cokewagon]

Top Thailand tips for the CEO...

(1) soapy massage. You can thank me later. Especially at one of the big fishbowls in Bangkok

(2) if you are in a bar full of 6's and you see one 9, it's a dude

(3) men and women end their sentences differently. You are going to be talking mostly to young women and want to repeat things like 'hello' and 'thank you' back, but they will identify a noob if you speak back to them like a woman. Just know 'Sawadee khrup' (not sawadee ka') for hello and 'khop khun khrup' for thank you and you will do fine.

(4) girls are nastier in Bangkok but hotter/fresher in Pattaya, but less English is spoken the further you get from Bangkok which can be a challenge

(5) you will want to be with one of the many women who are maybe 4'10" and 85 pounds dripping wet, because why wouldn't you, but you won't be able to move it if you can even get it in

(6) Bangkok is hot as balls. Make it to Pattaya if you can. Stay at/near the Hilton that is along the beach and between the walking street and hostess bar district

[REO Cokewagon]

https://www.rycheshop.com/

I posted a link to the new shop on the Official Queensryche message board. This is the message they sent:

Please do not post links to Scott Rockenfield's illegal site on this forum. If you don't support this version of the band, that's fine, but these kinds of postings won't be tolerated on the board.

Admin

[REO Cokewagon]

MORC:

I'm in. How the fuck do you book trip?

[ParaDime77]

For me it had to be the Sludger who was posting about fucking his 78 year old female neighbor in great detail

[REO Cokewagon]

Donnie Vie Australian tour goin' balls up:

This guy has barely left the house in 15 years.. he's going to go to Australia to do a week of shows? It sounded like a long shot right from the beginning.

I would be skeptical about this tour even with a GOOD promoter.

[REO Cokewagon]

Due to popular demand:

Dysfuntional bands to end up in murder in a submarine:

Megadeth- Queensryche -Pink Floyd- Van Halen went missing I wouldn’t care

Bach would save everyone’s life and bring submarine to safety. The band still would talk sh*t about him in interviews

Journey would be most fun to watch on live camera before submarine runs out of air

[REO Cokewagon]

Ever farted at a concert and it caused mayhem?

No, but I went to a Mayhem concert once and it caused farting.

[Kid-Wicked]

Here's where u can store a hilarious post that u discovered on this board.

We dont want to lose it, and we want to keep it for prosperity.

I envision this thread being full of Buttnoid posts. Wait a minute. I already found one:

send flowers and a card. when she gets back to work have a welcome back sign and give her a hug (if that's ok where you're at) and say, "we missed you, glad you're back".
make no mention of the incident.

And under the sign, you can have a triple decker cookie cake with sparklers, the phrase "Don't Worry, Be Happy!" stenciled in gold flecked vanilla icing. Hire Mary Lou Retton to greet the lady's return with quadruple backflips and a stick landing shouting "Hooray! You're Back!" Make no mention of the incident.


There's a reason no one pays you to think for a living.

The funny part is that Kid Wicked was so pwn'd that he never replied to this

the real funny part is this is the first time i've seen it. no idea what the context was. as it is it looks like a 12 year old trying to be funny. without the context it falls pretty flat. sorry chuckles.