ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Calexxia »

Not to get too personal with someone else's information, but he has known her at least since January. I'm sure someone can look up when they started dating, seeing as ZVD posted about their one-month anniversary.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Calexxia »

enter your username wrote:
Calexxia wrote:Not to get too personal with someone else's information, but he has known her at least since January. I'm sure someone can look up when they started dating, seeing as ZVD posted about their one-month anniversary.
I forgot about that. LOL What a joke. I'm sure he'd whine that we're talking about his personal life too even though we're just talking about the shit he repeated countless times on this board.

They went to the Cheesecake Factory and he had the best steak he ever had in his life. Then she sucked on stanley during the ride home and he blew baby gravy all over the steering wheel and nearly wrecked his car which isn't a big deal since he's missed two payments and it's about to be repossessed.

Loser.
No, he has a company car.....
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by LetUsPrey »

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

*applauds*

you really came through once again enter your username. Kudos.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by SoulsOfBlack »

ZakkVanDime wrote:Abortion: No different than slavery. You're essentially taking an entire class of innocent Americans and taking away ALL their rights in the name of convenience and lifestyle. Someday society will evolve past this barbarism just like we did that one.


He's a fuckin' idiot. When he's trying to get in FFF's pants he claims he's a Republican but believes in a woman's right to choose. Now that he claims he's getting married, he's spewing this bullshit?
He truly is the shittiest poster ever.
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EZrocker wrote:I am not an "obsessive Jani Lane fan". I don't even own a Warrant album, and I have never seen Jani live. I think Uncle Tom's Cabin is a good tune, but otherwise I could give a shit.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by MickeyG »

Doesn't Zakk sell shit? So he should have a company car if that's the case.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Calexxia »

Yeah, which is why I pointed out that he does :)
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by SoulsOfBlack »

Fuck, that was one of his lamest posts ever.


ZakkVanDime wrote:My new son and I are going as Nacho Libre and Esqueleto. Halloween night is my new daughter's 8th birthday and we're throwing her a Twilight party. She's gonna be a vampire. Not sure what my fiancee is going as yet.

I totally wanted to go as zombie Ted Kennedy and have Mrs. VanDime go as that girl that he killed, but I didn't want to have to explain it to a bunch of 2nd graders.
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EZrocker wrote:I am not an "obsessive Jani Lane fan". I don't even own a Warrant album, and I have never seen Jani live. I think Uncle Tom's Cabin is a good tune, but otherwise I could give a shit.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by grishnak boss »

enter your username wrote:
SoulsOfBlack wrote:Fuck, that was one of his lamest posts ever.
He tries to mention his new family in every post now. Looking forward to the meltdown when this thing implodes. "I long for death!" LOL, what a fucking loser.
:lol:

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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by MickeyG »

Did he really say that shit about God and death?

His ex wife must really have meant a lot to him.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by SoulsOfBlack »

:D :D :D


How come when you click on that link it says "The requested topic does not exist."? Did he have it removed?
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EZrocker wrote:I am not an "obsessive Jani Lane fan". I don't even own a Warrant album, and I have never seen Jani live. I think Uncle Tom's Cabin is a good tune, but otherwise I could give a shit.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by ParasiteLost »

enter your username wrote:
SoulsOfBlack wrote::D :D :D


How come when you click on that link it says "The requested topic does not exist."? Did he have it removed?
I doubt the moderator would accommodate that request. It probably just expired. Good thing his pity fast was saved.
Damn, I've missed this thing totally and would've wanted to read what exactly happened. The reasons behind him losing it all at once. Yeah, BESIDES him being a douchebag :D
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by MickeyG »

I don't remember reading that back when it happened.

The last paragraph when he attacks Heenan rules.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by mullet_head »

ZakkVanDime wrote:
I fucking just lost my wife whom I loved passionately, my house, my friends, my ministry and career, fucking EVERYTHING all at the same time. Any ONE of those things could possibly cripple a man, but I got them ALL AT ONCE. I was betrayed and stabbed in the back by my wife and my best friends.
How the fuck did the ZVD managed to lose all that in one swing?

The house I get it, but did the bitch also got to keep his ministry and career, won custody of their friends, or what?

Did Zakk went out for a smoke and when he came back his wife had taken everything including his job?
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by mullet_head »

Anyway, I dig that, after all that shit, he's been slowly getting back on his feet, and then decides to marry some broad he met less than a year ago.

Oh well, at least we will have some good shit to read the next time he loses everything at the same time.

I have to say I can't wait for that to happen.

Unless the new bitch takes his ZVD nym with her. I can see that happening.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Calexxia »

Mayhap Mr. and Mrs. VanDime will be filming a reality show to replace that horrific Jon & Kate thingie?

I can see it now!

PAN IN ON ZVD FURIOUSLY REFRESHING METAL SLUDGE, WHILE CHILDREN CRY IN THE BACKGROUND

Mrs. ZVD: Zakk, don't you think it's time for you to leave the computer, honey? It's 4 AM and the baby needs a bottle.
ZVD: Not just yet! In just a few more posts, I'll have them convinced that my political opinions are the Light of the ONE TROO LORD! After all, I have scientific proof!
Mrs. ZVD: But, honey, this Sarah Palin wig is starting to itch! And it's been a while since we...you know....
ZVD: Hey, fuck you! Don't you know I used to help people for a living?
Mrs. ZVD: Fuck me? Now THERE'S a thought! But do you think maybe this time, for foreplay, we could do it WITHOUT you tucking?
ZVD: Now, darling, don't you know that I have to tuck pre-sex to remind myself of the lowest time in my life, when I used to "fantacize" about death? That's how I remind myself how lucky I am to have you in my life! Now go grab me an e-beer, and maybe I'll tell you about the time I pwnd a lot of liberals on Metal Sludge, and did it all without ever wavering in my convictions!


Or something like that.
"Why leather woman post whore picture of breast!! That is for baby food and husband not internets!!"
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by SoulsOfBlack »

Brilliant! I'd watch it every week. I'm sure we could keep adding to it with things like:


Mrs. ZVD: Honey, why do you have this horrible music playing while we're having sex?

ZVD: STFU, you're ruining my concentration! deathcurse dared me to have sex while listening to Pantera and I'm gonna prove that I can do it.

mullet_head wrote: How the fuck did the ZVD managed to lose all that in one swing?

The house I get it, but did the bitch also got to keep his ministry and career, won custody of their friends, or what?

Did Zakk went out for a smoke and when he came back his wife had taken everything including his job?

I think the ministry thing is because he would sneak in Ministry song lyrics in his sermons. j/k
Actually it's probably because the church finds it hypocritical to have someone up there preaching about monogamy, abstinence, and all the things ZVD preaches about on here, while not practicing it in real life. So basically, the church also saw him for the hypocrite that we see as well!

And since the last one took half, that means the new wife will take half of the half he was left with, which I'm sure is not much since he can't even make his car payments. I predict 2 years from now ZVD and Iggy will be roommates in that little shack Iggy lives in.
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EZrocker wrote:I am not an "obsessive Jani Lane fan". I don't even own a Warrant album, and I have never seen Jani live. I think Uncle Tom's Cabin is a good tune, but otherwise I could give a shit.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by MickeyG »

I think you guys are being a little harsh on Zakk and his soon to be new wife.

I mean, we don't know enough about her to judge.

So to help us out, Zakk should get her to join here.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by mullet_head »

enter your username wrote: The new one will probably get him to adopt the kids and then kick him to the curb and hit him up for child support. His faith in Jesus is going to be tested again.
Yeah it's going to be a trainwreck, and we'll all go to bed thinking "man sludge was great today!" when it happens.
MickeyG wrote: I mean, we don't know enough about her to judge.
Neither does him, that's the point.

@calexxia: stop being such a venomous bitch.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by cookie »

mullet_head wrote:
enter your username wrote: The new one will probably get him to adopt the kids and then kick him to the curb and hit him up for child support. His faith in Jesus is going to be tested again.
Yeah it's going to be a trainwreck, and we'll all go to bed thinking "man sludge was great today!" when it happens.
MickeyG wrote: I mean, we don't know enough about her to judge.
Neither does him, that's the point.

@calexxia: Don't stop being such a venomous bitch.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Calexxia »

MickeyG wrote:I think you guys are being a little harsh on Zakk and his soon to be new wife.

I mean, we don't know enough about her to judge.

So to help us out, Zakk should get her to join here.
I tried to talk her into it; I've said before and I will say again: his fiancee is a very sweet gal.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Heenan Snuka »

enter your username wrote: and hit him up for child support.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

the poor guy is gonna be in the poor house
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by upinsmoke »

enter your username wrote:
mullet_head wrote: Neither does him, that's the point.
Roibo Jesus told him it's the right thing to do. He's broke, can't pay his rent, credit cards maxed. The solution is to find a complete stranger with a couple young children and marry her. The only way this makes sense is if the chick is loaded. She's not. So it doesn't make sense which is why Zakk is doing it. Maybe I just need to "evolve past my barbarism" to see why he is right all the time.
but.. but jesus says to have faith, he will provide the fishes and the breadses
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by MickeyG »

That's two tax deductions right there.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by mullet_head »

enter your username wrote:Roibo Jesus told him it's the right thing to do. He's broke, can't pay his rent, credit cards maxed. The solution is to find a complete stranger with a couple young children and marry her. The only way this makes sense is if the chick is loaded. She's not. So it doesn't make sense which is why Zakk is doing it. Maybe I just need to "evolve past my barbarism" to see why he is right all the time.
Pretty soon he'll be saying he doesn't even listen to Robo Jesus and that he's been wanting to marry that broad for years.

Robo Jesus just happens to have the same opinion, that's all.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by MotleyPoo »

enter your username wrote:
mullet_head wrote: Neither does him, that's the point.
Roibo Jesus told him it's the right thing to do. He's broke, can't pay his rent, credit cards maxed. The solution is to find a complete stranger with a couple young children and marry her. The only way this makes sense is if the chick is loaded. She's not. So it doesn't make sense which is why Zakk is doing it. Maybe I just need to "evolve past my barbarism" to see why he is right all the time.
That was deep.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by SoulsOfBlack »

enter your username wrote:
SoulsOfBlack wrote:
When he's not busy saving people, he's worried about saving the Sludge boards.

Here's zvd's theme song.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCm2CCm-Z3E


Don't forget to put your cape on, Captain!


(captain save a hoe)
Fuck that what they talkin about
I save a hoe yeah ha ha
Yeah baby, whats up you wanna get your hair done
Come on lets go down to Lee and Kim nails
We can get your nails done, get your hair done
What about your kids? how many kids you got? Two?
Ah, yeah thats cool we can go feed and clothe them kids
We can go down and get the hook up at Durant Square
Yeah baby I do anything for ya
Want you phone cranked on, I can get it cranked on to my name
Matter of fact I get you a cellular phone and a pager
We can get that package deal down there at Cellular One
Baby, Im here for you I got you
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EZrocker wrote:I am not an "obsessive Jani Lane fan". I don't even own a Warrant album, and I have never seen Jani live. I think Uncle Tom's Cabin is a good tune, but otherwise I could give a shit.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Heenan Snuka »

SoulsOfBlack wrote: Image
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Stoner wrote:
...we stopped at a restaurant to eat and I was wearing a Sludge shirt. Someone came up and asked me if I read the messageboard - I touched cloth for a split second and then said the shirt was my husband's and just looked at them retardedly.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by grishnak boss »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Fender_baller »

grishnak boss wrote::lol: :lol: :lol:
On your knees, faggot.
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Re: ZakkVanDime: Portrait of a Shitty Poster

Post by Heenan Snuka »

not to repeat shit but i can never quit laughing at this :


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Stoner wrote:
...we stopped at a restaurant to eat and I was wearing a Sludge shirt. Someone came up and asked me if I read the messageboard - I touched cloth for a split second and then said the shirt was my husband's and just looked at them retardedly.
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