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https://forums.metalsludge.tv/forums/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=187517
enter your username wrote:Zakk's wedding video. He tied the knot last weekend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6K6E_XmA1vo
Looks like Zakk?Iron Duck wrote:enter your username wrote:Zakk's wedding video. He tied the knot last weekend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6K6E_XmA1vo
The scariest part about that actually looking like Zakk is that the other guy looks exactly like a blonde-haired version of my friend Mike. This can't not be a conspiracy.
enter your username wrote:
enter your username wrote:
enter your username wrote:
enter your username wrote:Is the priest holding a leg of lamb?
TenBenny wrote:Um, Anne Frank wasn't blind.ZakkVanDime wrote:You'd have to either be as blind as Anne Frank not to see it, or a media brainwashed sheep like EYU.
I thought Zakk was your friend? Do you dog all your friends out like this?Calexxia wrote:Mayhap Mr. and Mrs. VanDime will be filming a reality show to replace that horrific Jon & Kate thingie?
I can see it now!
PAN IN ON ZVD FURIOUSLY REFRESHING METAL SLUDGE, WHILE CHILDREN CRY IN THE BACKGROUND
Mrs. ZVD: Zakk, don't you think it's time for you to leave the computer, honey? It's 4 AM and the baby needs a bottle.
ZVD: Not just yet! In just a few more posts, I'll have them convinced that my political opinions are the Light of the ONE TROO LORD! After all, I have scientific proof!
Mrs. ZVD: But, honey, this Sarah Palin wig is starting to itch! And it's been a while since we...you know....
ZVD: Hey, fuck you! Don't you know I used to help people for a living?
Mrs. ZVD: Fuck me? Now THERE'S a thought! But do you think maybe this time, for foreplay, we could do it WITHOUT you tucking?
ZVD: Now, darling, don't you know that I have to tuck pre-sex to remind myself of the lowest time in my life, when I used to "fantacize" about death? That's how I remind myself how lucky I am to have you in my life! Now go grab me an e-beer, and maybe I'll tell you about the time I pwnd a lot of liberals on Metal Sludge, and did it all without ever wavering in my convictions!
Or something like that.
enter your username wrote:wedding day. I now pronounce you sucker and wife.
Calexxia wrote:Mayhap Mr. and Mrs. VanDime will be filming a reality show to replace that horrific Jon & Kate thingie?
I can see it now!
PAN IN ON ZVD FURIOUSLY REFRESHING METAL SLUDGE, WHILE CHILDREN CRY IN THE BACKGROUND
Mrs. ZVD: Zakk, don't you think it's time for you to leave the computer, honey? It's 4 AM and the baby needs a bottle.
ZVD: Not just yet! In just a few more posts, I'll have them convinced that my political opinions are the Light of the ONE TROO LORD! After all, I have scientific proof!
Mrs. ZVD: But, honey, this Sarah Palin wig is starting to itch! And it's been a while since we...you know....
ZVD: Hey, fuck you! Don't you know I used to help people for a living?
Mrs. ZVD: Fuck me? Now THERE'S a thought! But do you think maybe this time, for foreplay, we could do it WITHOUT you tucking?
ZVD: Now, darling, don't you know that I have to tuck pre-sex to remind myself of the lowest time in my life, when I used to "fantacize" about death? That's how I remind myself how lucky I am to have you in my life! Now go grab me an e-beer, and maybe I'll tell you about the time I pwnd a lot of liberals on Metal Sludge, and did it all without ever wavering in my convictions!
Can someone repost this video? I never saw it but by that image it looks funny as fuckenter your username wrote:Zakk's wedding video. He tied the knot last weekend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6K6E_XmA1vo
As SmokingGun said in the dullest posters on Sludge thread, another way to fail at posting is to agree with the majority of people in a thread to try to fit in and curry favor. Fine if you do agree with the general opinion; just have some original ideas to add to the discussion.GrayAntiMatter wrote:A lot of people do this shit.chickenona wrote:But it says a lot that you weren't comfortable to even try to "get in a few good ones" until the poster you were targeting had been so thoroughly neutralized you were absolutely certain you wouldn't have to suffer any zingers in return.
SatanHimself wrote:
What the fuck?!Iron Duck wrote:SatanHimself wrote:
enter your username wrote:thewonkytits wrote:ZVD just got married so his week ended very shitty.
enter your username wrote:
CrouchingStonerHiddenBong wrote:Okay, I'm going to go ahead and get it out of the way. I don't dislike ZakkVanDime as person.
But here's the thing - I don't really like him either. I think if I worked with him, I'd probably joke around with him and make small talk. I might actually go out on his birthday and have a few beers with him and the rest of the crew. However, I would still make fun of him behind his back and whole-heartedly agree every time someone called him a douchebag.
Having said that, I fucking despise him as a poster. He is simultaneously everything I hate about this place (whiny, common-minded, unfunny, and detrimentally misinformed) and everything I love about this place (a never-ending supply of stupidity to make fun of) at the same time, so while he serves a purpose, he still manages to make me pray to a god I don't believe in that my children never grow up to marry men like him or post on messageboards with people like him.
Honestly, if you or anyone else you know is considering sucking ass as a poster, look no further than this list as a guide, or for a more in-depth case study, feel free to peruse Zakk's entire posting history.
HOW TO BE A SHITTY POSTER ON METAL SLUDGE
1. First and of utmost importance is that you find a community where you rank in the 10th percentile of intelligence. You have to be one of the stupidest people there or none of this other stuff will work.
2. Call yourself ZakkVanDime and make a promise to induce as many douche chills as humanly possible by referring to yourself in the third person. Example: "Once you go Zakk, you never go back!".
3. Engage in arguments (and by that I mean offer your opinion as fact) with people smarter, wittier, and a thousand times more clever than you are. Insist that they're stupid and/or jealous, and that you have archaeological evidence of those shortcomings. When that fails, start posting pictures from /b/ and saying faggoty shit like "Well this takes the cake".
4. Whenever a new female poster arrives, immediately glom onto her like stink on shit. Tell her and the rest of the board constantly what a hawt rawk fox she is. Don't be dissuaded if she's fat, cross-eyed, or only posts half pictures of herself. It is of the utmost importance that you tell her that she's hawt and that you want to fuck her EVERY SINGLE TIME she posts, otherwise you'll never convince yourself that she's going to fuck you based on how many faggoty messages you leave on her Myspace or that chicks really do dig needy guys.
5. Buy a pirate costume.
6. Post a picture of yourself tucking your dick and then cry when you get taunted with it. This is especially effective if you claim to be bored while crying, and if you accuse the most successful troll in the history of the messageboard of being unfunny...especially when everyone else is laughing.
7. Make fun of your friends and then have a bitchfit when someone does it better than you.
8. Be wrong about everything, even if common sense says there's no way in fuck that you could be right. More importantly, don't shut up when you realize this.
9. Defend and champion other shitty posters based on how badly you want to bone them. Applauding posts like "I'm bored" and "HAHAHA! Geez..that's stupid" is a good start, but to truly succeed at this endeavor, you have to deride the rest of the board for running off marginally attractive females because god knows we can't survive another day without reading "OMG LMAO SO BITCHIN!!!1".
10. Make sure you post more than anyone while doing all of this.
RINSE.LATHER.REPEAT.
