Metal Sludge Gossip Board

Remember itjogs? Epic thread. Sadly it's probably gone now, as is he.

Come on people. Answer the question. This 60jimmymetal fellow is making an earnest attempt to find his pater familia here.

Where's kockstar and his awesome stories of hookers and cocaine?

i fucked an escort girl once

Grendel wrote:

Heenan Snuka wrote:i fucked an escort girl once

Do tell! I would, but I fear the whole robbery, hepatitis, pimp, etc., stuff. What was it like?

I fucked a girl in an Escort once. It was horribly cramped.

HeavyMetalZombie666 wrote:Not my thing.

Women? We've all kind of figured that out.

Grendel wrote:

Heenan Snuka wrote:i fucked an escort girl once

Do tell! I would, but I fear the whole robbery, hepatitis, pimp, etc., stuff. What was it like?

her face was butt ugly

she handed me the condom as soon as she walked in the door, i didnt even have to ask to fuck

only $200

*flick* wrote:
I fucked a girl in an Escort once. It was horribly cramped.

*flick* wrote:

Grendel wrote:

Heenan Snuka wrote:i fucked an escort girl once

Do tell! I would, but I fear the whole robbery, hepatitis, pimp, etc., stuff. What was it like?

I fucked a girl in an Escort once. It was horribly cramped.

I boinked a chick in her Camaro Z28, once. I was bumping her head into the t-roof glass the whole time!

*flick* wrote:

Grendel wrote:

Heenan Snuka wrote:i fucked an escort girl once

Do tell! I would, but I fear the whole robbery, hepatitis, pimp, etc., stuff. What was it like?

I fucked a girl in an Escort once. It was horribly cramped.

Thank God she didn't have horrible cramps instead.....

*flick* wrote:

HeavyMetalZombie666 wrote:Not my thing.

Women? We've all kind of figured that out.

For what it's worth, I didn't think the original poster was looking to have/has had sex with exclusively female prostitutes.

Olds_71_442 wrote:
I boinked a chick in her Camaro Z28, once. I was bumping her head into the t-roof glass the whole time!

Endless Yodel wrote:

*flick* wrote:

HeavyMetalZombie666 wrote:Not my thing.

Women? We've all kind of figured that out.

For what it's worth, I didn't think the original poster was looking to have/has had sex with exclusively female prostitutes.

I am not into prostitutes. I love women but don't want someone who fucks everything and ends up diseased.

HeavyMetalZombie666 wrote:I am not into prostitutes. I love women but don't want someone who fucks everything and ends up diseased.

Zombie, don't leave your mother wide open like that.

All right, confession time.

Yup, I did. Once. By accident.

I know what you're gonna say: "Fuck off, you're lying! How do you fuck a whore by accident? Did you just happen to fall boner first into her open pussy?"

No, that is NOT how it happened.

It was Christmas eve. I shit you not.

I was 17 and still living with my parents although already working and earning a somewhat decent living. We had all gone to Bordeaux for the holidays to have Christmas with my Dad's side of the family. My grandparents, my uncles, aunts, cousins etc...

Wait, this is going somewhere.

After a whole day of family reunion crap and playing with my cousins I decided I needed a short break so I headed out looking for a bar to have a beer or two before dinner. Bear inmind dinner in France is usually around nine, and even later on Holidays.

Of course, nothing is open because it's France and it's fucking Christmas. So I walk around for a while and finally find a bar that's open.
Yay!

I go in, order a beer. It's fucking pricey but I don't even question it. Then after a while a hot HOT woman comes over and asks me to buy her a drink. She has an Elvira-style cleavage and a skirt so tight I could almost count her pubic hair... had she had any.

Me? I'm clueless. I honestly think this woman wants me to buy her a drink. In retrospect it is so fucking obvious she was a prostitute, but it didn't hit me.

We have a few drinks, she laughs at all my jokes. She's happy, I'm happy, the bartender is happy, all is well.

Then she whispers in my ears something that translates into: "Wanna come to my place?"

Now, I have to have Christmas dinner with my family in a couple of hours. But I'm drunk and I'm horny and I'm seventeen so of course I say yes.

We walk out the bar (where the tab was outrageous)
and start walking up the stairs. Still clueless, I ask: "Wow, you live in the same building as the bar? How cool"

Then on the third floor (the room was on the fifth) it hit me. Of course, how could I be so stupid? It takes me another two floors to muster up the courage to ask her. After all, if she said "no, I am NOT a hooker!!!" not only did I risk not getting laid, I risked getting kicked in the balls with some very pointy heels.

Still, just as she was taking out her keys to enter her little bedroom with open kitchen (communal showers and toilet were in the hallway!!!) I ask: "Hey, huh, sorry, huh, don't want to insult you or anything, huh, but, huh... is this going to cost me money?"

She gazed upon me with great pity and said: "well of course, what did you think?"

I wanted to say I was hoping she liked me for me and I was going to get balls deep in her for free with no strings attached, but all I asid was "How much?"

She said 2OO Fancs for a blowjob and 400 for a fuck. Yup, that was back when France still used Francs

I looked in my wallet and said: "Hey, sorry, that bar tab cost me a shitload of money, all I have is 50 Francs."

She seemed annoyed for a second then said: "Ah, fuck it, it's Christmas!"

She sucked my dick for 50 Francs and swallowed every drop before wishing me a merry Christmas.

I went back to my grandparents where everyone had started drinking apéritif. My cousins, ten years younger, greeted me at the door and wanted me to come play with them. I said "in a little while". I sat on the couch and passed out until dinner time.

Merry fucking Christmas indeed.

Considering how much divorces cost, sometimes I wonder if it would have been cheaper to pay-to-fuck.

Nailed an older woman at work, decent enough looking but was more going for the post 30's notch than anything.

Found out after she was one for about 3 years in her late teens. Does that count?

Heenan Snuka wrote:

Grendel wrote:

Heenan Snuka wrote:i fucked an escort girl once

Do tell! I would, but I fear the whole robbery, hepatitis, pimp, etc., stuff. What was it like?

her face was butt ugly

she handed me the condom as soon as she walked in the door, i didnt even have to ask to fuck

only $200

I think it's sort of a given!