Metal Sludge Gossip Board

Just wondering if anybody thinks Bair Hand will go all the way down the Mummy path that he's currently on and eventually inspire a fundraiser to run his unfunny hack ass out of here.

The similarities are there, but in truth I think it's almost an insult to the dickfaced legacy of ItWalks to put him in the same category. He's like a really lazy, dull, declawed version of Mumra. In that way, he's pretty easy to brush off. But still a first class tool nonetheless.

This would be the ban currency commensurate with his significance:

Dumm-Ra, the ever lame.

Hmmm...This was briefly explored in the "Sludge Haiku 2014" thread.

thewonkytits wrote:

CHA0S wrote:

Gazpacho wrote:Bair Hand The Mummy?
Bair Hand would jack off guys too
In back of tour van

Bair Hand is Itwalks?
I'd have guessed he was cantstop
All bitter old grumps

I don't think it's him
Never knew him to talk sports
I wish it was, though.

He's in the lounge dropping my name at 3:45 in the morning like some kind of jilted ex-girlfriend dialing up the suicide hotline.

He likes the last word too. Maybe not quite like the ridiculous protracted torture of the mummy.

He's taken on this new thing of posting a deflated balloon to indicate that he's hoisting the white flag. So clever.

Bump

We've got fail hand's typical groan-inducing irritation in action here:

Bair Hand wrote:

scruffman wrote:O look... It's another re recording of MC 94...

where/what is the first re recording of MC 94?
link please.

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=328400

He does this kind of shit constantly. The grammar and spelling crap. Saying something stupid and then back-pedaling. There is nothing anywhere, any time, any place that is more unfunny. Dude has got to be the worst poster ever on this board. He has a legit claim to that title at this point.

Yeah, his shtick wore thin long ago.

Still, as long as he keeps providing us with bootleg Cathouse t-shirts, I say keep him around.

Bair Hand wrote:

Luminiferous wrote:Oklahoma Vying for Florida's Title..

so they want to be known as The Sunshine State?
seems odd.

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=328351&p=6753782#p6753782

Come. The fuck. On.

exitflagger wrote:

Bair Hand wrote:

Luminiferous wrote:Oklahoma Vying for Florida's Title..

so they want to be known as The Sunshine State?
seems odd.

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=328351&p=6753782#p6753782

Come. The fuck. On.

I seen he'd responded to my thread, but due to his highly boring nature I couldn't be bothered to click on the "view this post" to see what he'd said..

I see I didn't miss much...

Also the "sunshine state" is a nickname, not a title..

That is such a horrible dad joke. Made by, if his vacations are any indication, a horrible dad.

See also, Machado's sig (from the RIP Bowie thread)--

Bair Hand wrote:

Chip Z'Hoy wrote:To prove I'm not being a fuckhead:

[Screenshot from Bowie's Facebook page]

this does not prove you aren't a fuckhead.

Machado thinks that's the world's greatest flame...and it doesn't even make sense.

Here's another one to file under fail hand failure:

Bair Hand wrote:

Thebottomline wrote: Oh, and the fucking smell, it's really super bad. I don't mind torturing the ole lady with some foul odor but now I'm having to use the restroom inside the garage and I'm making myself puke.

where do you keep your car?

He's so desperate to make a funny out of somebody making a misstep. And it NEVER fucking works. How do you type that out, look at it again and think "Yep, that's it. That's the big knee-slapper right there!"

Yes, you fucking idiot. They do make garages that have bathrooms. And it's usually designed in such a way that you CAN EVEN park a car in the garage as well. There's not a toilet in the middle of the parking area. It's an architectural miracle!

That really is something that Mumra used to do. Only he wasn't such a complete failure at it. That kind of thing is irritating and groan-worthy even when it works. It's ten times worse when it doesn't.

"…great thread…"

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=329918&start=30

Above thread link is a great piece of evidence. Matardo makes a sex joke about an obviously underage girl and naturally catches a truckload of shit for it. Then fail hand the dickweed comes in to white knight for our pedo jokester.

Now matardo made the joke just because he's painfully stupid and doesn't know any better. Fail hard definitely knows better, but just wants to try and make it all seem completely innocent due to a technicality. To win an argument. The technicality is that he thinks it's okay to sexualize an underage girl if you're ASKING SOMEONE ELSE IF THEY WANT TO FUCK A KID! Never mind that the seed of thought of the WHOLE THREAD came from Matardo. It's all okay cuz he didn't SAY he wanted to fuck the teenager. Right? He just put the idea out there to begin with.

This is the mind of fail hand. All he wants to do is trip somebody up and it ALWAYS makes him look like an idiot.

exitflagger wrote:viewtopic.php?f=1&t=329918&start=30

Above thread link is a great piece of evidence. Matardo makes a sex joke about an obviously underage girl and naturally catches a truckload of shit for it. Then fail hand the dickweed comes in to white knight for our pedo jokester.

Now matardo made the joke just because he's painfully stupid and doesn't know any better. Fail hard definitely knows better, but just wants to try and make it all seem completely innocent due to a technicality. To win an argument. The technicality is that he thinks it's okay to sexualize an underage girl if you're ASKING SOMEONE ELSE IF THEY WANT TO FUCK A KID! Never mind that the seed of thought of the WHOLE THREAD came from Matardo. It's all okay cuz he didn't SAY he wanted to fuck the teenager. Right? He just put the idea out there to begin with.

This is the mind of fail hand. All he wants to do is trip somebody up and it ALWAYS makes him look like an idiot.

You are trying so hard to be liked around here. IT'S PATHETIC!

I'll bet fail hand prays to baby jesus every night that he can catch somebody saying "of" when they meant to say "off".

"O please baby jesus, let it happen! It'll make my pathetic broke ass life more bearable..."

SeminiferousButtNoid wrote:The one smart thing that Bair Hand does is totally bail when the ownage starts. He'll pull the pigtail and make a beeline down the block before he gets backhanded. The man certainly knows his limitations.

He wouldn't touch that thread Gazpacho made in the lounge with a ten foot pole. Such a pussy.

I miss ItWalks and all his stupid grammar nazi bullshit. Deathcurse and Stoner used to pound the Mummy out of his sarcophagus. I loved one of Deathcurses best lines to Timbo "You have been owned and entombed" I howled my ass off at that wild shit. Deathcurse was one funny mother fucker.

Paiste2002 wrote:I miss ItWalks and all his stupid grammar nazi bullshit. Deathcurse and Stoner used to pound the Mummy out of his sarcophagus. I loved one of Deathcurses best lines to Timbo "You have been owned and entombed" I howled my ass off at that wild shit. Deathcurse was one funny mother fucker.

Whatever happened to that funny sonofagun?

Paiste2002 wrote: I loved one of Deathcurses best lines to Timbo "You have been owned and entombed"

WhiteHouseSubsAC wrote:

Paiste2002 wrote:I miss ItWalks and all his stupid grammar nazi bullshit. Deathcurse and Stoner used to pound the Mummy out of his sarcophagus. I loved one of Deathcurses best lines to Timbo "You have been owned and entombed" I howled my ass off at that wild shit. Deathcurse was one funny mother fucker.

Whatever happened to that funny sonofagun?

It's just not the same without him.

Paiste2002 wrote:I miss ItWalks and all his stupid grammar nazi bullshit. Deathcurse and Stoner used to pound the Mummy out of his sarcophagus. I loved one of Deathcurses best lines to Timbo "You have been owned and entombed" I howled my ass off at that wild shit. Deathcurse was one funny mother fucker.

One way that Mumra and Fail hand differ is that mum would never just walk headlong into dumbass self-clownage like this:

Bair Hand wrote:

DSAB wrote:Sweet. I would totally fuck Bair Hand's wife.

get in line.

(Point imparted: There is a line-up of random dudes taking turns fucking his wife round the clock. Excellent cuckold brag!)

Itwalks would at least make a game attempt to avoid it a little. Fail hand has this driving need to crack wise but has absolutely no "wise" to work with. It's amazing. He "polish-arm-wrestles" himself in the face with almost every damn key stroke he makes around here.

Bair Hand wrote:

Luminiferous wrote:Oklahoma Vying for Florida's Title..

so they want to be known as The Sunshine State?
seems odd.

That's funnier than anything Exitflagger ever said by a long shot.