Fellow posters, I would like to open my mailbag to you and share a letter I recently received.
Dear Ann,
About six months ago, I stopped taking my medication (Lithobid). I've come to realize that my family, coworkers, and neighbors are right: I'm an unlikable asshole. Believe me...no love is lost. I don't really like people either. But in spite of my dislike of people, I compulsively engage them on Internet message boards and out in public.
Treating people like shit is how I get my little high. And it's easier to do it online. The last time I was a bitch to someone in person, I got my ass kicked. I was walking towards the door of my local Safeway and I became enraged by a salesperson. I began screaming "No one fucking likes girl scout cookies, you little bitch! Each cookie has more than 100 fucking calories, and the goddamn number of cookies in the box gets smaller and smaller every year. And your green uniform looks like shit! So FUUUUUCKKKKKKK.....YOOOUUUUUUU and get the fuck out of my goddamn way. I'm only here to buy beer and high-fibre breakfast cereal." I never would have said that if I knew her dad was standing over by the shopping cart corral. Bruised and bleeding, I ran away as fast as my 350-pound frame could carry me. I had to return at 6 a.m. the next morning to get my car from the parking lot...and to buy that high-fibre breakfast cereal.
That was a few days ago. And now I'm sitting here with my Fiber One Bran Flakes plus a soccer ball that I stole after some kids accidentally kicked it into my yard, massaging my bruises, and thinking "damn, some thin mints and samoas would be really good right now". I love those chocolatey, toasted-coconut, caramel cookies! Why did I have to be an asshole? It was a lose-lose situation for everyone involved, especially me. And I'm getting too fat to run away every time I piss someone off.
Ann, how can I lead a happier, more satisfying life?
Sincerely,
bigbuttskinner
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And now I shall share my reply:
Dear bigbuttskinner,
My advice is: purchase a personal insertable device from an adult novelty store, lubricate it, and thrust it in and out of your anus, slowly at first, but then increasing in speed. This is just one method for releasing your energy more constructively. You might also try learning a creative skill like pottery, watercolor painting, or guitar playing. Once you find something that you enjoy and that you're good at (keep trying!), then try to find other people who share your interests.
Perhaps other readers can chime in with a few suggestions for how you can live your best life.
--Ann
I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
Moderator: Metal Sludge
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I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
Gil_Swine wrote: YOUR entire shtick is lame. Who the fuck is going to post under Ann Landers with a picture and everything????Are you some kind of homo. ANN LANDERS!?!? What a fucking douche you are.
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
LAglamrocker wrote: ↑Sun Feb 18, 2024 3:56 pmClub was packed with Metal Edge fans 18-30..no stupid Rush Roll The Bones dipsh*ts
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
I reckon all songs are folk songs. I ain't never heard no horses singing any.
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
I hear that a product called Preparation H helps to soothe an inflamed asshole. Perhaps some kind of large scale application would be effective.Ann_Landers wrote: ↑Mon Feb 18, 2019 10:55 amPerhaps other readers can chime in with a few suggestions for how you can live your best life.
Drunk Mazeraturd wrote: ...but hes going to run and hes going to win.
Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
I've always been a huge believer in a little hair of the dog that bit you, so my suggestion is felching.
All natural and gluten free.
All natural and gluten free.
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
It doesn't take a diet to get rid of a big butt. Just the moderator.
Drunk Mazeraturd wrote: ...but hes going to run and hes going to win.
Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
Yep. Enough was enough. Now we'll just have to see who he appears as next.
"bus problems come on man so boring we have our bus its awesome and we r watching judge judy on it right now tour is going great 14 more shows to go see you out there rockin peeps not you garbageman you stay home" - HueyRamone, 7/3/12
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
He's probably already on here as someone, and bigbuttskinner was just an angry alt. Every time he posted as of late I got the impression his shtick was just to troll.
LAglamrocker wrote: Trixter is awesome but everyone has seen After The Rain video correct? That’s one of first things I’m going thank God for
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
Gil_Swine wrote: YOUR entire shtick is lame. Who the fuck is going to post under Ann Landers with a picture and everything????Are you some kind of homo. ANN LANDERS!?!? What a fucking douche you are.
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
I have a suspicion that his alt is Goddamn Electric.
Gil_Swine wrote: YOUR entire shtick is lame. Who the fuck is going to post under Ann Landers with a picture and everything????Are you some kind of homo. ANN LANDERS!?!? What a fucking douche you are.
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
He's gone? What was the final straw?
KEYBOARD WARRIOR!
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
A few months ago he adopted a new schtick. Basically, he became a troll. In an attempt to be edgy and irreverent, he attacked other posters (usually the person who started a thread) and argued with them just for the hell of it without making any valid points. It was like CrazyLevi merged with EvelDick. In some cases it was unintentionally funny. But not in the thread where a poster was opening up about losing a parent.
Gil_Swine wrote: YOUR entire shtick is lame. Who the fuck is going to post under Ann Landers with a picture and everything????Are you some kind of homo. ANN LANDERS!?!? What a fucking douche you are.
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
20 years?suckit wrote: ↑Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:09 pmin other words, what Deathcurse/Chip Z'hoy has done for 20 years.Ann_Landers wrote: ↑Fri Mar 08, 2019 2:29 pmA few months ago he adopted a new schtick. Basically, he became a troll. In an attempt to be edgy and irreverent, he attacked other posters (usually the person who started a thread) and argued with them just for the hell of it without making any valid points.
Great math, Pollyclit.
LAglamrocker wrote: ↑Sun Feb 18, 2024 3:56 pmClub was packed with Metal Edge fans 18-30..no stupid Rush Roll The Bones dipsh*ts
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Re: I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
Ah. I saw him in that thread. Totally f'd up.Ann_Landers wrote: ↑Fri Mar 08, 2019 2:29 pmA few months ago he adopted a new schtick. Basically, he became a troll. In an attempt to be edgy and irreverent, he attacked other posters (usually the person who started a thread) and argued with them just for the hell of it without making any valid points. It was like CrazyLevi merged with EvelDick. In some cases it was unintentionally funny. But not in the thread where a poster was opening up about losing a parent.
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