Ho Board Porno Workshop

[chickenona]

Why thank you. But give yourself more credit! You got some good stuff on here now.

[TawnyVonJagger]

UL, your stories are AWESOME! Keep them, um...coming.

[chickenona]

Don't just sit there admiring, Tawny! Participate.

[TawnyVonJagger]

Don't just sit there admiring, Tawny! Participate.

Yes boss. I'll try to conjure up something, may take some time though.

[chickenona]

Well, goddammit, somebody wake up and add something here. Mother of fuck.

[Bridget]

Well, goddammit, somebody wake up and add something here. Mother of fuck.

You ought to write your Doogie-centered porn masterpiece. jeez.

[chickenona]

That is an absolutely awesome idea.

I'll have to do extensive Star Wars research though. This could take a few days.

[Bridget]

See that's smart. I would have gone with a cleaning-based fantasy, but you can only make hand washing so sexy, you know?

[MotleyMaiden]

See, now I'm thinking of Doogie dressed as a stormtrooper being forced on his hands and knees to clean the Deathstar by scantily clad Princess Leia.

[Kid-Wicked]

About 7 years ago I moved to another state to begin a new job. It was a great job, however not knowing anyone in the area, I found myself spending practically every night home alone like Iggy. It did get very lonely at times, and I wondered occasionally if I had made a mistake by moving. One of my street whores,chickenona, was very talkative and friendly, so I had at least someone to chat with on and off throughout the day. The fact that she had big tits was a bonus, however she was married, so like I said, at least I had someone to talk to.

One typical night at home alone, there was a knock at the door. It was her. She had a gift box bottle of vodka, martini glasses, and a jar of olives. I had apparently mentioned that I liked martinis, and she remembered. She said it was a housewarming gift. Not only was this my first visitor, but also my only housewarming gift. I was touched. She came in and I immediately made myself a martini, thanking her profusely. I then felt bad because I had nothing to offer her, she did not drink martinis and I had nothing else in the house. She just told me to relax; it didn’t matter, and sat down to visit a while.

I was a little nervous, she was hot, but she also worked for me. The last thing I needed was a sexual harassment complaint to jeopardize my job. I tried to be the perfect gentleman and host. I don’t know how it happened. I never intended it to happen (although I think she intended it), but we ended up having sex on the floor of my living room. This affair continued for a few years, with sex on my desk at work, sex in the car, sex in a motel, and of course sex in my house. She was insatiable and younger than me; I was worried if I could keep up. She was into everything, oral, anal, toys...except she drew the line on having Landshark join us (my unfulfilled fantasy).

She had confided in me that she dreamed about having a threesome, two males to pleasure her. Burgandy Trash and Royal Dudeness were her first choices but I offered my services; I’m no fool. Plus maybe if she got a taste of that, she might reconsider having another woman join us. The trouble was, she was afraid to have sex with a stranger, so many diseases out there…and her husband would never go for it. So it appeared to be just that…a dream.

One day she told me she had a freaky idea. She said she and her husband liked to play games at times, tied up, role playing, etc. She talked me into a plan that to this day, I can’t believe I agreed to. On the planned evening I was to be at the bar about a mile from their house, and wait for her phone call. She would handle the rest.

Drinking scotch and nervous as hell, I finally got the call. She told me to come over and be very, very quiet. She had him blindfolded and handcuffed to the bed, one of their games, she said. She met me at the door naked. She had me undress by the door, we kissed and fondled each other a bit, and then she led me to their bedroom. What I saw was surreal. It was Kockstar. He was naked and handcuffed spread eagle, with a big hard-on sticking up in the air.

She said, “Are you ready for more?”

And he said, “Goddammit slut! I thought you’d never come back.”

I guessed she had been teasing the hell out of him for a while. Showing him pictures of P13 blowing Bret Michaels really seamed to turn him on. She crawled up between his legs and motioned me to come up behind her. When I got behind her she began to suck his bent cock. Her ass was looking good pointing up at me. It was almost as fucking huge as CrouchingStonerHiddenBong's. It was the great wall of ass. I placed my hard cock between her lips and slowly pushed inside her. She moaned like Hungwell at a Jonas brothers show . I began to drive it in and out, trying to keep the same rhythm as her sucking him. We kept up the pace, trying to keep our motions as one. He was moaning and groaning like ozzyrulz777 trying to squeeze into his Khakis, asking why she didn’t suck him like that all the time. Meanwhile I picked up the pace, and so did she, keeping our motions in sync…at least trying to.

She started moaning and breathing very heavy, like Itjogsamongus does when he watches cakefarts.com. I knew I had to cum quickly. If she had an orgasm without me, how was I going to finish, how could we explain the continued rocking? I began pumping a little faster and started to shoot my hot load into her, biting my lip to keep quiet. She let loose with a screaming climax, shaking and moaning, breathing loudly trying to catch her breath. As I was softening, he exclaimed, “Did you just have an orgasm sucking my cock?” She said yes, and she was planning to have another.

She said, "Maybe I'll sit on your face." My eyes shot wide open and I frantically shook my head and mouthed the word NO, as I could see traces of my cum sliding down her thigh. Who did she think this was, Ham Stroker's Ejacula? She grinned at me and I thought, you bitch, now you're teasing me, and chuckled to myself. She told him that she was going to ride him, and if he came before her, she would leave him tied up all night. I watched as she lowered herself over his hard cock, and saw my cum running down his shaft. She smiled, winked and blew me a kiss as I disappeared out the door. I got dressed in the living room and quietly slipped out the door, heading back to that bar for a double…wondering how she had liked her first 3some, her fantasy finally fulfilled. Maybe now she would help satisfy mine.


k.w.
somebody told me that story.



or did they?

[chickenona]

See, guys can join in this thing. No reason for Itjogs to carry this burden all alone through this jungle of women.

And I get to be the lead character! And my ass IS the great wall of ass! And since Kockstar is nowhere to be found and he usually carries the mantle of writing porn starring Sludgers all alone, it's only fitting that he gets to star in this one too. My only regret about the story is that I didn't get to make him snowball Kid Wicked's kidsnot.

Thanks Kid! Who's next?

[chickenona]

The Hebrew pimp shows his romantic side.

Reading that was like looking at a Manet, Itjogs. A dirty, filthy Manet.

[EliseThePiece]

One night I was feeling incredibly horny, and as everyone knows, I am a voyeur so I hoped that my next door neighbors Joe and Sally were in the mood to put a show on for me.


I walked over to the house and Joe and Sally answered the door. I knew they were in the mood because they were looking at me with sex eyes and his penis was in her butt.
They knew why I was there and they were ready to put on a show for me.

I walked in the house while Joe and Sally shuffled strategically behind me. They shut the door behind us, while I took a front row seat on the banana chair.

I told sally I really wanted to see her give him head and she readily agreed. She took Joe’s 12 inch cock out of her pooper and kneeled in front of him.


“I want to give you head baby. Skull fuck me so good I cant think no more.”

And like a swift cheetah with dextrous basic instinct hands, Joe brought forth an ice pick and rammed it into the front of her skull.

Sally shrieked and then exclaimed, “NNNNGGGGGGG” *drool drool drool*

She was still breathing although her eyes became wonkified, just like any attorney john picture.

Joe swirled the ice pick around to make the hole nice and wide. When he was sure it was exactly the size he wanted he proclaimed,

“Fuck yeah bitches. Head is my favorite.”

With that, he plunged his manhood into her gaping wound and proceeded to fuck her brains like they had never been fucked before.

He was so elated he was giggling as sally gurgled with confusion and retardation. He could only moan as her brains flopped around his turgid member.

I was so hot I wanted to take a picture of this, to capture the moment just like those lolcats do with those crazy captions. I chuckled to myself as I loudly chanted, "I'z in ur headspace, Humpin UR Craneum!!!"

Sally gave an appreciate drool at this exclamation and that sent him right over the edge. With a great quaking shake, he emptied his man batter into her thoroughly pounded brains while screaming, "I love skull fucking! I LOVE SKULL FUCKING! SKULL FUCKING: I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!"

After he rested he looked down at his beautiful sally with her vent porn eyes and sated frontal lobe. He hoped that she would always stay like this. Always ready and wanting and leaking with cerebral spinal fluid (which we all know is the greatest lubricant of all time). and as she lay there drooling and placid, he placed a sweet kiss on her foamy lips and whispered, "Don't move. I'll go get you a towel."


The end.

[EliseThePiece]

What about best scene with Head?



Yes? No?

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

It's my favorite.

[EliseThePiece]

FUCK YEAH!!!!

[Alabama Slammer]

What about best scene with Head?



Yes? No?

Definitely. I've got to call some of my LA porn buddies... we may have stumbled onto a new niche to go along with albino parapalegic midget porn.

[chickenona]

Much more concise than Hammy's. Mami likey.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

Foamy lips = Fucking HOT

[EliseThePiece]

Do you wish there really was an lolcat picture of that? because I do.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

[Iron Duck]

Do you wish there really was an lolcat picture of that? because I do.

I searched Google for an appropriate picture to use, but found none. The things I typed in my attempts may land me a spot on the watch list though.


And dammit! Stoner, how do you do it?

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

If I could tell you, I wouldn't.

[Iron Duck]

Megan Fox says you have to when and if you find out.

You can't fight that.

[chickenona]

I actually think old Sally at the end of that story has Megan Fox beat in the brain activity department.

[Succubyss]

What about best scene with Head?



Yes? No?

I've really, really missed you.

S (just when I think the internet is worthless - it isn't)

[chickenona]

Okay, schmucks, here we go. This one's for the Doogster.

I was fresh out of Frontera on an armed robbery rap (of which I was of course NOT FUCKING GUILTY, but I digress) and decided to use my hundred bucks and a new set of duds to get me some action at the Star Wars convention in Vegas.

Buses from the joint to Vegas are plentiful, but I wasn't about to ride the bus like a goddam mark, so I loitered around the local truck stop until I could suck some trucker dick for haul. I found an easy-pickins trucker in due haste. He was old, fat and coming off a three-day meth binge/Henderson-to-Barstow haul. I hopped on in the velveteen interior of his rig and asked if he'd like to have his dick sucked till his brain tore loose from his skull. I didn't even have to nudge the old gag reflex before he was blowing his load in my mouth. His cum tasted like I'd expected it to - like Drano, Sudafed and high blood pressure.

Now duly sated and only slightly cranked-out, my trucker barreled me into the night on his eighteen-wheeled, velveteen-lined steed, drawing me ever closer to the neon nirvana and virgin flesh of the Star Wars convention at the Mandalay Bay as I picked the lint from his size 48 tighty whiteys out of my teeth. I asked him for a breath mint and made do with the cherry flavored Twizzler he offered me instead. I knew that with a Star Wars convention at my disposal, the Twizzlers wouldn't be the only cherries I'd be tasting over the course of the next 48 hours.

We made excellent time and my trucker wished me godspeed as I traversed the entrance of the resort, after having appropriated the maroon velvet curtains lining his sleeper compartment to fashion myself a makeshift Queen Amidala kimono. He wasn't thrilled about it but my blowjob had had a Vulcan-neck-pinch effect on him and all he could do was sit staring dolefully as I wound the smokey bolts of maroon around my 39-26-39 figure and wound my hair into Danish-shaped formations at the crown of my head.

The main festivities of the first day of the convention were already drawing to a close, so the front doors of the main building of Mandalay Bay were disgorging Obi Wans, Princess Leias and stormtroopers onto the neon-washed sidewalk at a furious rate. A sad-sack bouncer was balefully trying to impress two pimply virgin lads by regaling them with tales of his fitness-model, MMF-threesome-loving wife, sweat stains forming deep rings in the armpits of his cheap suit. I started to approach him to ask him where he figured most of these geeks would be going to party, but before I could interrupt his sorry monologue about ass-reaming a nineteen-year-old model as she chowed his wife's box in the middle of a gang war, I cocked my head to the side and caught a glimpse of...HIM.

He was impossible to miss as he stood by the slots, carefully lubing up his Darth Vader mask with Purell from the dispenser on the end. I knew just by looking at him that this was no ordinary Star Wars nerd. This would be a night I'd never forget.

I knew what I had to do. I staked out my place at the opposite end of the row of slots and began Purelling the fuck out of my kimono and hair buns, shooting mutual eyefucks back and forth with my Darth Vader.

At least I think they were mutual. I couldn't really see his eyes through the Vader mask.




TO BE CONTINUED. Please feel free to make suggestions as I continue, I'm winging in the dark here. This is gonna be a rough one but we'll get through it together.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

This thread has taken a turn for the awesome.

[EliseThePiece]

What about best scene with Head?



Yes? No?

I've really, really missed you.

S (just when I think the internet is worthless - it isn't)

SUCCCYYYYY!!!!


E (I have missed you too)

[EliseThePiece]

His cum tasted like I'd expected it to - like Drano, Sudafed and high blood pressure.

BAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!