Weird ladies at gigs

[CliffByford]

I play in a band that gigs sporadically in the local area - pubs, bars, the odd support slot for touring bands at a couple of larger venues, but nothing serious. Though I am not averse to ever becoming a rock star, I have enough fun playing to 30-100 drunkards on a weekend night for beer money.

We do have a few people who try to keep up with our gigs, including a coterie of women; about five or six of them, all in their 30s, and it's starting to get to me. The whole thing seems slightly desperate, frankly. We're all 24-25 years old and not exactly male model material, and we've picked up these strange women for no apparent reason.

Is this a phenomenon that anyone else has ever encountered?

I kind of get the impression that they only hang around us because a) we're in a band and b) don't seem to mind them being there. I honestly think they wouldn't pay us a blind bit of attention otherwise, and in any case, we're about the least "bad-ass" metal band around (two teachers, one site manager and one press officer - ROCK N' FUCK'N ROLL, DUDE).

[HAIRFORCEONE]

or is it the fact you are offended that several 30 something women are hanging around and not some young 20 somethings?

[saracapri]

Since when are women in their 30's old? WTF? You suck!

[CliffByford]

No, you've all got the wrong end of the stick.

Or, rather, if you bothered to read my fucking post, you'd actually get a clue of the utter unease and confusion that this has engendered. Note the section where I say "not exactly male model material." Over here in the UK we occasionally use such devices as irony and euphemism to make a point. My one lapse was to forget that I am communicating with the average garden American, for whom hermeneutic reading does not come naturally. So, an abridged version (you can write these on separate flash cards if you want):

1) We are a shitty local band playing unfashionable music
2) If you wanted to meet someone you are entertaining the notion of sleeping with, you certainly wouldn't do it at our gigs. The local bus station is a more likely venue
3) We are, bar our rhythm guitarist, ugly as sin
4) I am grateful that ANYONE turns up, even if some wander in accidentally and are too polite to leave before we finish
5) YET we have noted the appearance of this very specific group of women. Had it been a more variegated sample we probably wouldn't have noticed. However, it's the same women time after time
6) They buy us drinks and have invited us to parties
7) My major issue is this, so all you who have been fulminating at the gills about my original post, PAY ATTENTION:

There is nothing remarkable about myself or the majority of the band. In fact, refer to point three. Whilst I am enjoying this attention on a superficial level (who wouldn't?) I have this horrible impression that it's absolutely nothing to do with me; that in fact, it's that for an hour or so I put on a guitar and make some noises; that if they saw me in my day job, they wouldn't look twice; that if they knew what a quiet, boring, bookish person I am 80% of the time, they'd head to the bus station for some action.

This, then, is the crux of the matter - I use the word desperation because this small minority of people have, laughably, projected some kind of image onto us that we considered fun at first but is now tinged with a slight air of creepiness.

Saracapri - you simply lack any degree of reading comprehension if you think I implied women in their 30s are old.
Hairforceone - you too missed the entire point. The fact that these women are in their 30s is incidental. If it was girls in their 20s doing the same thing I would think it's also creepy and desperate.
RiceCakes - I'm not even going to bother.

[lilmissdetroit]

Whilst I am enjoying this attention on a superficial level (who wouldn't?) I have this horrible impression that it's absolutely nothing to do with me; that in fact, it's that for an hour or so I put on a guitar and make some noises; that if they saw me in my day job, they wouldn't look twice; that if they knew what a quiet, boring, bookish person I am 80% of the time, they'd head to the bus station for some action.

I dunno, it seems kind of a quid pro pro to me. They like to enjoy live music, you play live music. They provide you with a consistent audience, you provide the entertainment. I'm sure they also know if you saw them at their day jobs, you wouldn't look twice. It's not ALWAYS about action or even attention. It's about having fun with their friends. Clearly your band plays decent music and they know if they see your band they'll listen to their kind of music. Let's face it, local bar bands are a dime a dozen and most of them aren't that good and some barely hold it together.

Take it for what it is... a group of women who have their "night out" and prefer to see your band. I'm sure if any of your members tried to hit on them, they'd probably be "WTF?" Perhaps it's the fact that you guys keep to yourselves and are respectful of their personal space that keeps them coming back? If they were looking for action, they'd probably have moved on to a different band by now. It just seems like they want to enjoy themselves and not have some overblown-ego-having local musician think that enjoyment of music means they want in the guy's pants? Maybe the fact you're younger is reassuring to them- means they know you guys won't try to violate their personal space and wouldn't even want to.

Enjoy the quid pro pro. Sounds like everyone is having a good time and it's a band/audience thing and nothing more.

[HAIRFORCEONE]

I dunno littlemissdetroit, If they're inviting the boys in the band to parties elsewhere they may be looking to snag some young musician tail. I know I wouldn't be inviting any band boy I didn't know personally anywhere unless I had some ulterior motive.

[saracapri]

Cliff u so smart. Me not understand ur complikated writin's.

[Bridget]

Cliff, they want to rape you. Your whole band, in fact. Keep an eye on your drinks when they're around.

[saracapri]

Cliff does seem kind of cute. Too bad he's so prejudiced against old ladies.

[Bridget]

Too bad he's so prejudiced against old ladies.

That's why they're going to have to rape him.

[vladtepes]

I am guessing they are doing it as a joke. When I was younger I would only date musicians, who were drop dead gorgeous and had some potential. The musicians like you were just a game and a joke for us.

We would flirt, buy them drinks and dance in front of them. We just wanted to see who we could get out of the band. Not to sleep with them or give them blowjobs but just to blow off in the end.

This one band my friend and I could not stand. We would stand in front of them not move and yawn. It turned out to be fun because they would chase us around the bar. We had no interest. We would not buy the drinks but would get the drinks. Be grateful they are buying for you.

It was also fun for us especially if our boyfriends were playing. You can only handle the same set list for a short time. It was always our time to go out and play.

I can put money down the "girls" are just out for fun, have boyfriends or just want to play games. Enjoy the free drinks.

[krismetal]

Dita Von teese, Carmen Electra, and Angelina Jolie-in mid-late 30s. I don't think they look pathetic in rock attire.

[DizzysRQ]

They are following your band because they want to snag a musician and tell their counterparts that they did ( you being younger is a bonus)! Plain and simple you have groupies and most groupies could care less what a guy in a band looks like, its all about being able to say "Yeah I sleep with the bass player".
A groupie will sleep with an ugly roadie if it gets them to their goal of a musician.
Cliffbyford=musician
Groupie=want musician no matter what he looks like

[lilmissdetroit]

I dunno littlemissdetroit, If they're inviting the boys in the band to parties elsewhere they may be looking to snag some young musician tail. I know I wouldn't be inviting any band boy I didn't know personally anywhere unless I had some ulterior motive.

That may be how you operate, but let me assure you not every woman does that. Not everyone twists it up into something sexual. Mr Detroit and I know several club and bar owners and attend their parties as well as people that do events that need bands- like local festivals. If I see a good local band, I try to invite them to the parties where those people will be at to help them get their band out there, or at least create some new networking opportunities. Not every event planner scours bars and clubs for bands, and a social gathering is a good way to bring the band to them. I don't invite bands/band boys as my dates and make it very clear what my intentions are.

I guess I'm the only one who sees this from a strictly non-sexual angle? It just sounds like these women are "living the illusion" of being groupies and nothing more. It sounds like buying drinks will be as "sexual" as it gets. Cliff, the only "blow job" you'll probably get from these gals is in the form of a shot.

[kinkycat]

I play in a band that gigs sporadically in the local area - pubs, bars, the odd support slot for touring bands at a couple of larger venues, but nothing serious. Though I am not averse to ever becoming a rock star, I have enough fun playing to 30-100 drunkards on a weekend night for beer money.

We do have a few people who try to keep up with our gigs, including a coterie of women; about five or six of them, all in their 30s, and it's starting to get to me. The whole thing seems slightly desperate, frankly. We're all 24-25 years old and not exactly male model material, and we've picked up these strange women for no apparent reason.

Is this a phenomenon that anyone else has ever encountered?

I kind of get the impression that they only hang around us because a) we're in a band and b) don't seem to mind them being there. I honestly think they wouldn't pay us a blind bit of attention otherwise, and in any case, we're about the least "bad-ass" metal band around (two teachers, one site manager and one press officer - ROCK N' FUCK'N ROLL, DUDE).

You are a fucking retard. Get over yourself.

[cookie]

Cliff, next time remember to dumb it down for the ho board
An ex of mine is lead singer in a band, not even as accomplished as yours.
They play covers in a shitty pub in the arse end of beyond. (Buxton)
They have a small group of women who go to every gig and drool over them.
As DizzysRQ said, they want to shag a guy in a band. Simples.

I used to watch them and listen to the girls make catty comments about me when he came to kiss me between sets. Quite hilarious. He was hardly nikkisixx. More like a short gino decampo. Who always sung the wrong lyrics...but I digress. Being 'average' looking is a bonus in a band.
In a girls mind, "ok Im never going to pull simon le bon, he is too popular, but that blonde drummer chap will be easier to get with and he is only marginally less cute" So they tailor their crushes to reality.

[rocknrollexperience]

if you're in a local band & you have people showing up that are NOT related to you or NOT a close friend my best advice is...STOP BITCHING! Fans are fans....it's no different than a guy going to see a movie because he thinks a movie star is attractive & he wants to see her in action.

The older women that are showing up to your shows, they probably did that when they were younger & time has just caught up with them a little...30 is NOT old fyi, if you said 50 year old women I'd say, yeah man, that's older, but 30 year old women...those women can probably teach you things if you hook up.....actually though, I strike that...SOME older women know things, then some older women don't.....women in their 30's who are single fall into 2 categories:

1. They were married or with someone for a long period of time & are just recently single & going out to have some fun but they are experienced, know their shit & are cool

2. They have been single forever & are probably crazy, can't keep a relationship due to their craziness & these are the ones who will obsess over you if you even look at them

again though, if you play in a local band, if people show up & support your band, shut up dude, be happy you have people there! Trust me, EVERY major band has weird people showing up to see them...shit, go to a Dokken show & you'll see weird older men who still think Don's a superstar & his hair is real...now that's crazy! lol

I'd be more afraid if Marq Torien showed up to your shows!

[AnitaO]

One of them probably has the hots for your rhythm guitarist and the rest show up to support her and have fun. You're right, they don't care who you are without the guitar strapped on. You entertain them and that's attractive enough. They may entertain the notion of sleeping with you, but obviously dancing about with each other is of more interest. It's a girls night out, and they have become fans of the band. Just appreciate it, and if you don't want to do anything with any of them, don't. Half of them are probably married anyway.

It's nowhere near as pathetic as the guys who show up to watch a certain stripper.

[Pandora_Peroxide]

OK so women show up and watch your band, buy you drinks and invite you places and you don't like this? Most guys would be flattered that someone either likes their band or wants to shag them. Take the drinks and be flattered if nothing else. I'd possibly not go for shagging them in case they are nutso but get one of your bandmates to do it instead!

[CliffByford]

OK so women show up and watch your band, buy you drinks and invite you places and you don't like this? Most guys would be flattered that someone either likes their band or wants to shag them. Take the drinks and be flattered if nothing else. I'd possibly not go for shagging them in case they are nutso but get one of your bandmates to do it instead!

That last point is one I have entertained many a time. Alas, the attractive guy has a girlfriend, as does our drummer (who to be fair, is not unattractive - imagine former Arsenal player Robert Pires after a spell in a POW camp).

Without wishing to sound like I'm continually whining, we do this band as a joke, make it abundantly clear it's a joke and yet we've still somehow ended up with the scenario described. Thanks to all who have given their perspective on this; I am erring towards lilmissdetroit's explanation, with a dash of vladtepes'.

Where you go wrong, vlad, is assuming that we think we're something special, or that we have any pretensions towards mediocrity. Often, I can't even enjoy the free drinks as I'm driving all the gear around. I would do some kind of "unhappy looking smiley" right now but as it's a contradictio in terminis I won't.

Having said all this, if one of these ladies suddenly professed a deep and lasting interest in Blue Oyster Cult, it would be a different story...

[MitziDupree]

Asking dumb hookers to explain dumb hookers. This is why I love you so.

[chickenona]

It's nowhere near as pathetic as the guys who show up to watch a certain stripper.

Hahaha, too true.

I'm a little surprised at the defensiveness of most of the replies here. Outgrowing this kind of jealousy is supposed to be like the biggest bonus of being an old bitch. I didn't get the vibe that the age of these women was a really big part of what was skeeving Cliff out, just the fact that they appear to be following the band somewhat obsessively.

The fact that you guys are all ugly (I'm not going to waste my time telling you I've seen your picture and you're not ugly, you don't need that kind of stroking) is totally immaterial here Cliff. In fact, it might actually be working in your favor. I'm from the land of Deadheads and Phishheads - Phish formed less than five miles from where I'm sitting right now - so I can tell you, it's the sound and the vibe a band projects that causes that band to develop a following. Besides the Dead (who had several generations' worth of tireless followers who would rather have died of anthrax than miss a Dead show) and Phish, other bands who have loyal followers who can't bear to miss a show include the likes of the Black Crowes and the Tragically Hip. All of these bands have three things in common - VERY limited broad-scale commercial appeal, a vaguely hippyish vibe and UGLY MOTHERFUCKING GUYS. In fact, it seems like ugly bands are MORE likely to have camp followers, not less.

Do you play any slightly different music than other bands who work your circuit? They might just really be into your sound.

[CliffByford]

Are you there to play music or SEE what sorts of people you can attract? If you're mad at Seeing the same people then just change venues, they can be getting tired of HEARing you too.

Are you actually one of them? You seem to have a vested interest in this.

[ROADHEAD]

There's one around here that calls herself 'Tammy with a T-Star'. She thinks Alice Cooper is her dad, she does shit like she's casting spells on people while 'dancing', falls down a lot and talks freaky nonsense about auras and powers and shit.

[MitziDupree]

Are you wishing I was one of them, and that I want you sooooooooooo bad because you are so irrestistable and special and sexy. I would not go see you for free let alone pay like I would to listen to a great band

Jesus, Cliff. See what you've done? You can't let them think their opinions matter about ANYTHING. You've gone and upset the balance of the universe. I hope you're happy. It's probably going to take some poor guy months to get them back in line again.

[CliffByford]

Are you wishing I was one of them,

Not really

and that I want you sooooooooooo bad

Currently in a loving relationship with my right hand, thanks.

because you are so irrestistable and special and sexy.

Guilty as charged, m'lud!

I would not go see you for free let alone pay like I would to listen to a great band

Wait - you actually PAY to see "great bands"? Lady, get with the times. When I want to go see a GREAT BAND I use the power of my mind to dissolve myself into billions of particles, then pass through the numerous security cordons via osmosis. All for free!

There's one around here that calls herself 'Tammy with a T-Star'...falls down a lot and talks freaky nonsense

We get a similar phenomenon, though most often related either to alcohol and/or cerebral palsy.

[lilmissdetroit]

Without wishing to sound like I'm continually whining, we do this band as a joke, make it abundantly clear it's a joke and yet we've still somehow ended up with the scenario described.

Maybe this is why. The fact that you do the band as a joke and therefore don't have the silly egos may be why these ladies like you and keep coming back. You have fun on stage, they have fun at your shows. In a way, they're kind of part of the gimmick now. Here's this "joke" band and their adoring legion of fans...and it makes it more fun for them. Nothing is worse than some local band who thinks they're all that and the members think if you're female, you should show them your tits or fawn all over them.

If your band is a bit of a joke/gimmick, then they probably invite you to the parties because they think you'll be almost as entertaining there as well... in addition to other reasons I described.

[chickenona]

Absolutely, maybe these chicks just get the joke.

[Hanoi Roxx]

Oh Cliffy,

Is it possible that these women are just big music fans and find your band non-threatening? Perhaps it's just an outlet for them where they don't feel that they have to compete with the 20 somethings and they can just relax and have a good time?

[saracapri]

Maybe they're horny.