Am I the only chick not into "Fifty Shades Of Grey"?

[Bassmaster1984]

Isn't Penthouse Forum the same type of stuff?

[Rainbow Bright]

No. It's a half assed S&M book.

[BloodQueen]

If you want a good laugh, check out the 1 star reviews on Amazon:

Once upon a time...
I'm Ana. I'm clumsy and naive. I like books. I dig this guy. He couldn't possibly like me. He's rich. I wonder if he's gay? His eyes are gray. Super gray. Intensely gray. Intense AND gray. Serious and gray. Super gray. Dark and gray. [insert 100+ other ways to say "gray eyes" here]
I blush. I gasp. He touches me "down there." I gasp again. He gasps. We both gasp. I blush some more. I gasp some more. I refer to my genitals as "down there" a few more times. I blush some more. Sorry, I mean I "flush" some more. I bite my lip. He gasps a lot more. More gasping. More blushing/flushing. More lip biting. Still more gasping.
The end.

[MissM]

UGH! It's like badly written fanfiction and without rules so it's not like real BDSM. She has said herself it's her fantasies and she should probably have pointed that out. I know friends of mine who are into BDSM loathes the book because it gives a wrong picture of how it's done. Play rape is a game but what he is doing is not playing. I hate the fact that young teens read it. It's such a twisted version of reality.

I do however like this one



Fifty Shades of Chicken – a title that sounds absolutely revolting when you think too hard about it — chronicles the relationship between a chef and his chicken. Because that sounds so impossibly ridiculous, I’ll just let the author tell you about it herself.

“The recipe and headnotes follow a chef and his chicken on an emotional journey very much like the original trilogy,” FL Fowler — a nom de plume — said in an email to People. “You start with an overbearing cook and a pigheaded chicken but by the end they’re spanking and tying each other up like soul mates. There’s a bit of Christian and Anastasia Steele in every dish.”

“Like so many others, Fifty Shades of Grey resonated for me,” Fowler continued. “It evoked something I’d never been able to express. Then one day as I was tying up the ankles of a chicken for roasting, I realized why some of the scenes in the book were so strikingly familiar. It turns out I’ve been practicing BDSM for years — but with poultry.” Sample recipes include “Mustard Spanked Chicken” and “Dripping Thighs.”

[Pripyat Horse]

I read it online; it's rubbish. Basically, it's a badly written fapfest with so called "BDSM" that's practically vanilla. Also, Christian Grey reminds me of a serial killer, say Ted Bundy or a weird creepy kidnapper like Cameron Hooker. The writing is appalling, the author Failed Biology Forever and to be honest, if I wanted to read smut, I could find better written smut online.

[velvet_liselle]

Can I advertize here?
We're getting ready to publish our erotic novel.
Well, I don't want to be bitchy and criticize the 50 shades, cause I didn't even read it (first of all I don't like Twilight, secondly neither I or my co-writer want to get influenced by it, we want to keep our own ideas), but i suppose our book is better written. We already did get that feedback. If I can quote our editor:
"First off, it is hard to believe that English is your second language, as you have excellent command of it! Of course, there were minor issues with subject/verb agreement and some interesting use of some words. Overall, though, you write very well. You know it's said that "Art imitates life or vice versa..." and this seems to be the case with your book. It's hard for me to believe this is fiction because your descriptions of intimate love-making are so real. The Greek goddess Hecate or Hekate fits you storyline to a point, since she's involved with witchcraft and sorcery--and the underworld; however, with all of the sexual occurrences, you might have included Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love in there somewhere!

It's a very interesting story line. It reminds me of a time when I fantasized about hanging out with Mick Jagger and David Bowie--but only in the partying sense (and with whatever girls came with the territory), but after reading how the Twist's gang shared their women--I don't think I could've kept up with even Jagger or Bowie! Your book seems more like reality and that's good when fiction can seem so real.

Yours is a very interesting, well-written book, indeed! Editor K."

The book is already converted into e-format and should be available in Amazon soon, possibly till the end of this month. Now we're trying to squeeze out every ounce of publicity from wherever we can, and also working on SEO.
Check out our book blog, http://hekatespassageblog.wordpress.com/ and like and share our Facebook fanpage if you can.

[Rev. Johnny Tyler]

I think women who sit around reading that shit are no better than some man sitting in the recliner reading Penthouse Forum and getting all horned up over fantasy girls doing amazing, fantasy things while his wife and kids sit on the couch watching TV around him.

And just like the way those Hustler and Penthouse Forum stories are predominantly written by horny male inmates and being read by horny weird dudes for pleasure, the 50 Shades series for horny soccer moms was written by a nasty lookin' hag who obviously gets none of her own at home.



Most women would think a guy was a perv if he sat there on the couch reading male inmate-written porn while the family was around him. Soccer moms seemed to have no problem with doing this, judging by all the stories I saw and read about it. Women acted the fools over this rag.

I love the stories with the woman talking about how it "enhanced their sex life." Really? So, if your hubby just wanted to watch a little porn, or go to a strip club and look at fantasy figures in order to get horny enough to do you, that would be cool?

Anyway... Thank Christ I'm not married. I'd hate to be the anchor that sinks a woman to that level of pitiful.

Wanna see something funny though? Check out Gilbert Gottfried reading lines from the book. HILARIOUS! (Also shows why women that read it should be mocked.)
http://youtu.be/5K1RcKJVbHA

[jodi]

Wanna see something funny though? Check out Gilbert Gottfried reading lines from the book. HILARIOUS! (Also shows why women that read it should be mocked.)
http://youtu.be/5K1RcKJVbHA

My eighty year old mother-in-law read those books, dammit! Fuck you R.J.T.! She's old and most likely somewhat senile; so mocking her is not cool. Damn that family reunion and the other oldsters for turning her onto 50 Shades of Grey. Okay, the Gilbert Gottfried skit was awesome and disturbing at the same time. Holy fuck, my mother-in-law was reading about fisting? Damn.

[Inessence]

The author looks like a fat Selma Hayak.

[MissM]

The author looks like a fat Selma Hayak.

No she doesn't. Salma Hayek would still be hot if she was fat. I doubt there is any way to make her ugly.

[Inessence]

The author looks like a fat Selma Hayak.

No she doesn't. Salma Hayek would still be hot if she was fat. I doubt there is any way to make her ugly.

She's too skinny now. And who needs Fifty Shades when you have the Jodi Arias trial?

[jennifer21]

Tried to read it got couple pages in then said fuck it, it wasnt interesting at all....Not my type of book,So many friends have read it and love it but not me nope.

[ArielPlath]

If you want a good laugh, check out the 1 star reviews on Amazon:

Once upon a time...
I'm Ana. I'm clumsy and naive. I like books. I dig this guy. He couldn't possibly like me. He's rich. I wonder if he's gay? His eyes are gray. Super gray. Intensely gray. Intense AND gray. Serious and gray. Super gray. Dark and gray. [insert 100+ other ways to say "gray eyes" here]
I blush. I gasp. He touches me "down there." I gasp again. He gasps. We both gasp. I blush some more. I gasp some more. I refer to my genitals as "down there" a few more times. I blush some more. Sorry, I mean I "flush" some more. I bite my lip. He gasps a lot more. More gasping. More blushing/flushing. More lip biting. Still more gasping.
The end.

I refuse to read this book - I too read this review on Amazon and it was enough for me. I have a customer who read it and absolutely loved it though. IMO it sounds like poorly written trash. I'd rather read Erica Jong.

[BloodQueen]

[WyldOrchid5150]

I refuse to read this book - I too read this review on Amazon and it was enough for me. I have a customer who read it and absolutely loved it though. IMO it sounds like poorly written trash. I'd rather read Erica Jong.

You are so right, it's garbage. It started out as Twilight fanfic ffs! Give me Anaïs Nin or Rice anyday.

[jodi]

So now some of my co-workers are talking about a new trilogy by a Sylvia Day called Crossfire. Anyone read it? How bad is it? Please warn me now because my mother-in-law is coming for a visit and she loved Fifty Shades of Grey.

"The new Fifty Shades: Latest mummy porn trilogy by American author Sylvia Day is even more sexually explicit than 50 shades selling 1m copies in UK in 3 months"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... -Grey.html

[lemmysmole]

1) Britney Spears(she's just beautiful)
2) Denise Milani
3) Carrie Underwood
4) Jennifer Lawrence
5) Kelly Clarkson

[Stoner]

Brilliant.

[Rainbow Bright]

[RhiannNightfire]

I bought it and read the first chapter. That was as far as I got before the poor writing (and I'm being nice here) made me put it down. It's now sat on my bookshelf for over a year. I'll stick with the Merry Gentry series...

[ArielPlath]

There is probably better smut on Metal Sludge.

[TravisBicklesMohawk]

No thanks.

Plus . . .
Anais Nin > Anne Rice

[patba81]

Nope not into it!

[TravisBicklesMohawk]

Charlie Hunnam is playing Christian. Interesting choice.

Some blonde got the role of Ana.

[ArielPlath]

Charlie Hunnam is playing Christian. Interesting choice.

Some blonde got the role of Ana.

No way! I never had a desire to read the book, but if he is going to be in the movie I most definitely will go see it.

[EmilyStrangeEsp]

Charlie Hunnam is playing Christian. Interesting choice.

Some blonde got the role of Ana.

No way! I never had a desire to read the book, but if he is going to be in the movie I most definitely will go see it.

Completely agree!
I tried reading it. I found it absurd, however now I will check out the movie.
Charlie Hunnam is beautiful.

[ArielPlath]

I found this picture so hot I had to post it on two threads on the Ho Board...

[Rainbow Bright]

Watch this instead. Its more accurate.

[Pripyat Horse]

http://protest-resources.tumblr.com/image/37044146617

Also, this. If you haven't read the first book, this pretty much sums it up:

http://das-sporking.livejournal.com/377666.html

[*Twilight*]

http://protest-resources.tumblr.com/image/37044146617

Also, this. If you haven't read the first book, this pretty much sums it up:

http://das-sporking.livejournal.com/377666.html

That live journal article is so on the mark with this tripe.


Edited to add I'm not a fan of the Twilight series. I've been using this name online since 1998 long before the sparkly vampire were around.