Bobby Blotzer = piece of shit

[Mojo]

I posted on Ratt's Facebook page. Let's see how long they leave this up...

[yeahbuddy]

I posted on Ratt's Facebook page. Let's see how long they leave this up...

Ha ha!!
I would love to post things, but I keep my facebook account on the down low.

[Chip Z'Hoy]

Hitler is not happy

http://captiongenerator.com/79522/Fake-Ratt

[Mojo]

Ha ha!!
I would love to post things, but I keep my facebook account on the down low.

Yeah, I don't really care if people know who I am.

[Luminiferous]

I'm quoting this post just because I love it so much...

That and I haven't laughed that hard since I first seen the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles...

I've been waiting for a shining moment to share this gem... Bobby hired a production company to film an intro for his new band's gigs. I have a copy of the story board and it's the most hilarious thing I've ever read. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. THIS is what Bobby actually sent to them:


The stage is black. A large video screen looms behind the drum kit.
A low, dramatic, sustained drone (in the key of “E”) of music slowly rises.
The screen suddenly flashes with static/snow, like a television struggling to get a signal.
An “80’s” style TV appears on the large video screen.
The original MTV theme comes up on the small screen overlapping the drone.
The iconic familiar MTV astronaut plants the flag on the moon and original DJ Mark Goodman introduces the original video to the song “Round and Round”. It becomes a quick montage of Ratt’s videos.
The video suddenly slows to a stop, like a cassette tape that has malfunctioned. The images on the screen freeze, then melt away like wax, like the audience is peaking on acid.
Static fills the big screen once again. Then we are tight on a newspaper headline.The scene shot in blue film treatment except for the lamp, chair,the table and bottle and radio, and the hat on the mans head. The name of the news paper postinioned where L.A times would be, is
“ world News”
 We slowly pull out from the newspaper.
A man bathed in a blue spotlight from overhead, sits in a chair reading the paper. Still in Blue film, A small table at his side. A bottle of Jack Daniels and an “80’s” Ghetto Blaster rest on the table.
The man turns the page of the newspaper, shaking his head regretfully.
The audience sees the newsprint...
“Ratt to call it quits”. “Inner strife causes Ratt to hang it up”. “Ratt drummer vows to continue bringing the Ratt hits to the fans”.
“No more “Ratt and Roll”...
The man reading the paper looks up from behind it. It’s then we see his face...Ratt Drummer Bobby Blotzer.
Bobby crumples up the paper and tosses it. He grabs a bottle of Jack and sits back in his chair. He takes a swig.
Still bathed in blue light, He turns on the Ghetto blaster. A DJ comes over the radio.
DJ
Here’s a classic song from 1984
by “Ratt” start a Ratt song
Bobby’s head nods slowly with the song. Suddenly the song stops, much like earlier in our video. The DJ comes back on again...
DJ (CONT’D)
Sorry folks, looks like we have some
technical difficulties. Hmmm, this has never happened, Hopefully we can get it back to you.
Bobby looks at the radio.
DJ (CONT’D)
Hey, let’s also Hope Ratt can get it back together too.
Would be a shame not to hear that great music live anymore...
Bobby puts the bottle of Jack down and puts his head in his hands.
Disjointed voices begin to call Bobby’s name.
The faces behind the voices begin to appear and disappear above Bobby as they speak... in a spinning camera motion around Bobby, from left . spin right , spin left, shoulder shots.
VOICE 1
:Ratt’s done dude, 34 years you’ve put in this, its time to move
on!
VOICE 2
:So you think you can go out as ratt on your own you’re your new band? You’re dreaming bro, Ratt’s over..
VOICE 3
:It was a good time Bobby but all good things come to an end!
VOICE 4:
Too bad Ratt split up, they kicked
ass..
It’s then that Bobby gets up out of the chair. Holding his head as to silence the voices in his head.
He grabs the bottle of Jack and takes another swig. He looks at the Ghetto blaster and tries to turn it on. It won’t work...
Bobby smacks it a couple times.
He finally stands back and throws the bottle of Jack at the Radio.
The bottle explodes and radio falls to the ground in slow motion.
Bobby stands there, head down. It suddenly begins to snow on him.
He looks up into the sky, his arms in a christ like pose, snow falling on him. An angelic female figure whispering in his ear, comforting him, you can do it, relax people will appreciate that your keeping the music alive!!
The Video fades to black...
Suddenly the blue light that bathed Bobby Blotzer in the video, comes up on the stage.
(Now live on stage)
The blue light shines on the same Ghetto blaster from the video that is now laying on it’s side on stage. A fresh bottle of Jack next to it. They’re covered in snow.
A Janitor walks across the stage sweeping it. He comes to the bottle of Jack and the Ghetto Blaster.
The janitor grabs the bottle, cleans the snow off and takes a swig. He sweeps the snow off the radio and turns it on.
“Ratt” music starts coming out of it.
The Janitor starts rocking to the music. He throws his broom, grabs the Jack and the ghetto blaster and happily walks off stage, Ghetto blaster to his ear...
The band kicks off...Ratt Live!!!
Story By Bobby Blotzer & Michael May




I AM NOT KIDDING. They actually starting filming this too, but they had a bunch of arguments with production company, including my fav: Bobby wanted to use instant potatoes straight out of the box instead of actual fake snow because he heard somewhere that "that's how they do it in the movies" (what?!) But obviously production wanted to get something more professional and bobby wouldn't spend the extra money for it.
I am grateful to be here to share this with you all, because I almost died from laughter the first time I read it.

[Mojo]

He looks up into the sky, his arms in a christ like pose, snow falling on him.

It's this that keeps making me laugh. Like, who the fuck does he think he is?!

Bobby BoxHer, the Messiah.

[Chip Z'Hoy]

The band kicks off...Ratt Live!!!

[yeahbuddy]

The truth is he didn't want to use the instant potatoes because its cheaper he wants instant so he can sweep up the stuff & eat later.

[Heenan Snuka]

I posted on Ratt's Facebook page. Let's see how long they leave this up...

[Turner Coates]

I'm quoting this post just because I love it so much...

That and I haven't laughed that hard since I first seen the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles...

It strikes home with me because I witnessed something similar and just as corny.
It was a guy who re-formed his "where are they now" band, and got an opening spot on an arena show. He hired his own spotlight and operator, not realizing that there would be eight Supertroopers w/operators at the gig.
He was going to wear an American Flag as a cape, and had a "script" for his entrance. It went something like, "Total blackout, with a pin spot on the flag....the spot gets bigger and bigger......."
He had more crew guys than band members, and one of these crew guys broke into the headliner's dressing room and stole a case of wine. Band and crew got very drunk, and when the guy staggered up the stage steps, he tore the heel off his boot. He stumbled around, tripped on his flag cape and started cussing out the audience. The promoter finally dragged him off the stage.

[gtshark1]

Hitler is not happy

http://captiongenerator.com/79522/Fake-Ratt

This may be the funniest thing I've seen/heard in my life.

EPIC

[lemmysmole]

I posted on Ratt's Facebook page. Let's see how long they leave this up...

[SeminiferousButtNoid]

I posted on Ratt's Facebook page. Let's see how long they leave this up...

I take back every harsh word I ever said to you.

[gilly]

"Hey, SCSinner, come out and play".

[StateOfShock]

This thread is awesome. Fantastic photoshops and that Hitler video is one of the best ones done in a long ass time.

[Fast_Eddie_Schenker]

I just binge-read this whole thread from start to finish. Couldn't stop reading.
The Hitler video is a masterpiece and if there were a Sludge Hall of Fame, It would be a first-ballot induction.

Good work outta you, Mental Grudge.

[Inessence]

I just binge-read this whole thread from start to finish. Couldn't stop reading.
The Hitler video is a masterpiece and if there were a Sludge Hall of Fame, It would be a first-ballot induction.

Good work outta you, Mental Grudge.

Almost. Not to quibble, but Robbin has two b's. Did Blobby write it?

[HeavyMetalZombie666]

[Thebottomline]

Six hours ago Blobby posted a picture of himself at the golf course. Someone replied to that pic, " I kicked my self in the asshole delivering news papers just to buy the "Real RATT " Back in 83! Now you post pics looking like drag queen playing golf?".

[Hellsinkey]

Disjointed voices begin to call Bobby’s name.
Holding his head as to silence the voices in his head.
He looks at the Ghetto blaster and tries to turn it on. It won’t work...
Bobby smacks it a couple times.
It suddenly begins to snow on him.
He looks up into the sky, his arms in a christ like pose, snow falling on him. An angelic female figure whispering in his ear, comforting him, you can do it.
The blue light shines on the same Ghetto blaster from the video that is now laying on it’s side on stage. A fresh bottle of Jack next to it. They’re covered in snow.
A Janitor walks across the stage sweeping it. He comes to the bottle of Jack and the Ghetto Blaster.
The janitor grabs the bottle, cleans the snow off and takes a swig. He sweeps the snow off the radio and turns it on.


Story By Bobby Blotzer

The best parts.

[TheDeadBastard]

He looks up into the sky, his arms in a christ like pose, snow falling on him....


Bobby wanted to use instant potatoes straight out of the box instead of actual fake snow because he heard somewhere that "that's how they do it in the movies" (what?!) But obviously production wanted to get something more professional and bobby wouldn't spend the extra money for it.

Too bad they balked at the potatoes idea. I would have done it, but cooked the potatoes first.

[WTF]

That fucking video won't play for me!!!!!!!!!!

[Midwestmetalgod]

I go to bed and this thread grows another page. The FB trolling is an added bonus!

[hairmetalsux]

I just binge-read this whole thread from start to finish. Couldn't stop reading.
The Hitler video is a masterpiece and if there were a Sludge Hall of Fame, It would be a first-ballot induction.

Good work outta you, Mental Grudge.

Almost. Not to quibble, but Robbin has two b's. Did Blobby write it?

Doh! I thought they spelled Robbin with one B in Deutschland!

With RobBin's name fixed: http://captiongenerator.com/79570/Hitle ... -fake-Ratt

No, of course Blobby didn't write those captions, but do you think he's read them?

[Peter Crisp]

Every day brings new joy in learning that Bobby Blotzer is a piece of shit.

The Facebook trolling is priceless. He must be ready to explode. Carlos throwing down the hammer, then SCSinner going right back, then the Bobby Blotzer Story script treatment, then a new Hitler video...all we need now is Juan (you know he reads message boards) chiming in here somewhere.

[Stoner]

This thread went from Dane Cook to Richard Pryor overnight - holy fuck

What's up with that Hitler video? I can't get that shit to play!

[twfs]

I've been waiting for a shining moment to share this gem... Bobby hired a production company to film an intro for his new band's gigs. I have a copy of the story board and it's the most hilarious thing I've ever read. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. THIS is what Bobby actually sent to them:


The stage is black. A large video screen looms behind the drum kit.
A low, dramatic, sustained drone (in the key of “E”) of music slowly rises.
The screen suddenly flashes with static/snow, like a television struggling to get a signal.
An “80’s” style TV appears on the large video screen.
The original MTV theme comes up on the small screen overlapping the drone.
The iconic familiar MTV astronaut plants the flag on the moon and original DJ Mark Goodman introduces the original video to the song “Round and Round”. It becomes a quick montage of Ratt’s videos.
The video suddenly slows to a stop, like a cassette tape that has malfunctioned. The images on the screen freeze, then melt away like wax, like the audience is peaking on acid.
Static fills the big screen once again. Then we are tight on a newspaper headline.The scene shot in blue film treatment except for the lamp, chair,the table and bottle and radio, and the hat on the mans head. The name of the news paper postinioned where L.A times would be, is
“ world News”
 We slowly pull out from the newspaper.
A man bathed in a blue spotlight from overhead, sits in a chair reading the paper. Still in Blue film, A small table at his side. A bottle of Jack Daniels and an “80’s” Ghetto Blaster rest on the table.
The man turns the page of the newspaper, shaking his head regretfully.
The audience sees the newsprint...
“Ratt to call it quits”. “Inner strife causes Ratt to hang it up”. “Ratt drummer vows to continue bringing the Ratt hits to the fans”.
“No more “Ratt and Roll”...
The man reading the paper looks up from behind it. It’s then we see his face...Ratt Drummer Bobby Blotzer.
Bobby crumples up the paper and tosses it. He grabs a bottle of Jack and sits back in his chair. He takes a swig.
Still bathed in blue light, He turns on the Ghetto blaster. A DJ comes over the radio.
DJ
Here’s a classic song from 1984
by “Ratt” start a Ratt song
Bobby’s head nods slowly with the song. Suddenly the song stops, much like earlier in our video. The DJ comes back on again...
DJ (CONT’D)
Sorry folks, looks like we have some
technical difficulties. Hmmm, this has never happened, Hopefully we can get it back to you.
Bobby looks at the radio.
DJ (CONT’D)
Hey, let’s also Hope Ratt can get it back together too.
Would be a shame not to hear that great music live anymore...
Bobby puts the bottle of Jack down and puts his head in his hands.
Disjointed voices begin to call Bobby’s name.
The faces behind the voices begin to appear and disappear above Bobby as they speak... in a spinning camera motion around Bobby, from left . spin right , spin left, shoulder shots.
VOICE 1
:Ratt’s done dude, 34 years you’ve put in this, its time to move
on!
VOICE 2
:So you think you can go out as ratt on your own you’re your new band? You’re dreaming bro, Ratt’s over..
VOICE 3
:It was a good time Bobby but all good things come to an end!
VOICE 4:
Too bad Ratt split up, they kicked
ass..
It’s then that Bobby gets up out of the chair. Holding his head as to silence the voices in his head.
He grabs the bottle of Jack and takes another swig. He looks at the Ghetto blaster and tries to turn it on. It won’t work...
Bobby smacks it a couple times.
He finally stands back and throws the bottle of Jack at the Radio.
The bottle explodes and radio falls to the ground in slow motion.
Bobby stands there, head down. It suddenly begins to snow on him.
He looks up into the sky, his arms in a christ like pose, snow falling on him. An angelic female figure whispering in his ear, comforting him, you can do it, relax people will appreciate that your keeping the music alive!!
The Video fades to black...
Suddenly the blue light that bathed Bobby Blotzer in the video, comes up on the stage.
(Now live on stage)
The blue light shines on the same Ghetto blaster from the video that is now laying on it’s side on stage. A fresh bottle of Jack next to it. They’re covered in snow.
A Janitor walks across the stage sweeping it. He comes to the bottle of Jack and the Ghetto Blaster.
The janitor grabs the bottle, cleans the snow off and takes a swig. He sweeps the snow off the radio and turns it on.
“Ratt” music starts coming out of it.
The Janitor starts rocking to the music. He throws his broom, grabs the Jack and the ghetto blaster and happily walks off stage, Ghetto blaster to his ear...
The band kicks off...Ratt Live!!!
Story By Bobby Blotzer & Michael May




I AM NOT KIDDING. They actually starting filming this too, but they had a bunch of arguments with production company, including my fav: Bobby wanted to use instant potatoes straight out of the box instead of actual fake snow because he heard somewhere that "that's how they do it in the movies" (what?!) But obviously production wanted to get something more professional and bobby wouldn't spend the extra money for it.
I am grateful to be here to share this with you all, because I almost died from laughter the first time I read it.

HAHAHHAHAA!!!!!



Blotz is a fucken putz!!! And Carlos is his bitch cunt!!!

[panteraman319]

Hitler is not happy

http://captiongenerator.com/79522/Fake-Ratt

This may be the funniest thing I've seen/heard in my life.

EPIC

Best gut wrenching laugh I had in months!!!!.... There are some creative fuckers here in sludge land!!!! " I cooked me and Eva a steak dinner"..... EPIC

Do you think Blobster even giggled at the video?

[alleyrulez]

This thread went from Dane Cook to Richard Pryor overnight - holy fuck

What's up with that Hitler video? I can't get that shit to play!

me, either.

upload that shit somewhere else, please.

[The Stench]

This thread went from Dane Cook to Richard Pryor overnight - holy fuck

What's up with that Hitler video? I can't get that shit to play!

me, either.

upload that shit somewhere else, please.

It looked like it wasn't gonna play for me either, but eventually it did. Took a while to load, but the wait was worth it.