User61585 wrote: ↑Thu Feb 25, 2016 7:00 pm
I've been waiting for a shining moment to share this gem... Bobby hired a production company to film an intro for his new band's gigs. I have a copy of the story board and it's the most hilarious thing I've ever read. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. THIS is what Bobby actually sent to them:
The stage is black. A large video screen looms behind the drum kit.
A low, dramatic, sustained drone (in the key of “E”) of music slowly rises.
The screen suddenly flashes with static/snow, like a television struggling to get a signal.
An “80’s” style TV appears on the large video screen.
The original MTV theme comes up on the small screen overlapping the drone.
The iconic familiar MTV astronaut plants the flag on the moon and original DJ Mark Goodman introduces the original video to the song “Round and Round”. It becomes a quick montage of Ratt’s videos.
The video suddenly slows to a stop, like a cassette tape that has malfunctioned. The images on the screen freeze, then melt away like wax, like the audience is peaking on acid.
Static fills the big screen once again. Then we are tight on a newspaper headline.The scene shot in blue film treatment except for the lamp, chair,the table and bottle and radio, and the hat on the mans head. The name of the news paper postinioned where L.A times would be, is
“ world News”
We slowly pull out from the newspaper.
A man bathed in a blue spotlight from overhead, sits in a chair reading the paper. Still in Blue film, A small table at his side. A bottle of Jack Daniels and an “80’s” Ghetto Blaster rest on the table.
The man turns the page of the newspaper, shaking his head regretfully.
The audience sees the newsprint...
“Ratt to call it quits”. “Inner strife causes Ratt to hang it up”. “Ratt drummer vows to continue bringing the Ratt hits to the fans”.
“No more “Ratt and Roll”...
The man reading the paper looks up from behind it. It’s then we see his face...Ratt Drummer Bobby Blotzer.
Bobby crumples up the paper and tosses it. He grabs a bottle of Jack and sits back in his chair. He takes a swig.
Still bathed in blue light, He turns on the Ghetto blaster. A DJ comes over the radio.
DJ
Here’s a classic song from 1984
by “Ratt” start a Ratt song
Bobby’s head nods slowly with the song. Suddenly the song stops, much like earlier in our video. The DJ comes back on again...
DJ (CONT’D)
Sorry folks, looks like we have some
technical difficulties. Hmmm, this has never happened, Hopefully we can get it back to you.
Bobby looks at the radio.
DJ (CONT’D)
Hey, let’s also Hope Ratt can get it back together too.
Would be a shame not to hear that great music live anymore...
Bobby puts the bottle of Jack down and puts his head in his hands.
Disjointed voices begin to call Bobby’s name.
The faces behind the voices begin to appear and disappear above Bobby as they speak... in a spinning camera motion around Bobby, from left . spin right , spin left, shoulder shots.
VOICE 1
:Ratt’s done dude, 34 years you’ve put in this, its time to move
on!
VOICE 2
:So you think you can go out as ratt on your own you’re your new band? You’re dreaming bro, Ratt’s over..
VOICE 3
:It was a good time Bobby but all good things come to an end!
VOICE 4:
Too bad Ratt split up, they kicked
ass..
It’s then that Bobby gets up out of the chair. Holding his head as to silence the voices in his head.
He grabs the bottle of Jack and takes another swig. He looks at the Ghetto blaster and tries to turn it on. It won’t work...
Bobby smacks it a couple times.
He finally stands back and throws the bottle of Jack at the Radio.
The bottle explodes and radio falls to the ground in slow motion.
Bobby stands there, head down. It suddenly begins to snow on him.
He looks up into the sky, his arms in a christ like pose, snow falling on him. An angelic female figure whispering in his ear, comforting him, you can do it, relax people will appreciate that your keeping the music alive!!
The Video fades to black...
Suddenly the blue light that bathed Bobby Blotzer in the video, comes up on the stage.
(Now live on stage)
The blue light shines on the same Ghetto blaster from the video that is now laying on it’s side on stage. A fresh bottle of Jack next to it. They’re covered in snow.
A Janitor walks across the stage sweeping it. He comes to the bottle of Jack and the Ghetto Blaster.
The janitor grabs the bottle, cleans the snow off and takes a swig. He sweeps the snow off the radio and turns it on.
“Ratt” music starts coming out of it.
The Janitor starts rocking to the music. He throws his broom, grabs the Jack and the ghetto blaster and happily walks off stage, Ghetto blaster to his ear...
The band kicks off...Ratt Live!!!
Story By Bobby Blotzer & Michael May
I AM NOT KIDDING. They actually starting filming this too, but they had a bunch of arguments with production company, including my fav: Bobby wanted to use instant potatoes straight out of the box instead of actual fake snow because he heard somewhere that "that's how they do it in the movies" (what?!) But obviously production wanted to get something more professional and bobby wouldn't spend the extra money for it.
I am grateful to be here to share this with you all, because I almost died from laughter the first time I read it.
