USING A BIDET ... Someone explain this to me... isn't this like taking a Shower sitting down?

[MetalSludgeCEO]

I mean... WTF!

Of course I have toured and traveled all over the world, and have seen these often.

And... yes... I have "experimented" and tried to use them as well.

But... it's a F#@king nightmare and can create 5x the mess.

Okay... the idea is that you take a sh!t... and instead of using toilet paper, you sit over the nozzle thingy, turn it on and let it spray,, blast, shoot into or around your ass.

Right?

Now... if you are at someone's private home or in a public rest-room and have to take a dump... isn't this a bit... extra?

First off, adjusting the water pressure, and temperature is a crap shoot, much like a sink or the shower... I've turned these on before and had ice cold water shooting up like a fire hydrant was just knocked off it's base!

I recall one of the first times I turned one on I was looking down into the bowl thing, and tuned a knob to test the water temp, and before I could react, the thing blasted me in the face with a fireman's hose like stream of water...

How in the actual F#@k are you supposed to properly, safely use this without complete drenching ALL of your clothes, ... I mean as the water is bouncing off your asshole and cheeks, and taint, water is spritzing around, getting your shirt or pants wet, etc...

Also... the water is spraying (sometimes at a good velocity) into an opening that just was covered with fecal matter... isn't it a safe bet, that little particles of sh!t are splashing onto your legs, balls, dong, shirt, pants, belt, shoes and for the love of Christ... YOUR face?

I don't get it....

If I was at home... totally nude, in the comfort of my own home, and about to shower... then maybe... but how in the hell are you supposed to use this elsewhere?

Someone please explain...

$tEvil

[TooOldToCare]

That's exactly what I meant in the thread on wipes about getting sprayed with shitwater. Someone mistook that as using the water from the bowl. I understand it isn't recycled water. But like Stevil said, all I can imagine is a shitty disaster of epic proportions (unless it's a clean wiper to start with).

[uwec95]

I can't explain the benefits of a bidet that is separate from the toilet, as I have never used one of those. However, I added a bidet attachment to my toilet in 2020 (the toilet paper scare) and it's amazing. You use less toilet paper, there's less iritation, and you feel a lot cleaner after taking a nasty dump. There's no mess and no shit being sprayed all over. One of the better home items I have purchased.

[TooOldToCare]

I can't explain the benefits of a bidet that is separate from the toilet, as I have never used one of those. However, I added a bidet attachment to my toilet in 2020 (the toilet paper scare) and it's amazing. You use less toilet paper, there's less iritation, and you feel a lot cleaner after taking a nasty dump. There's no mess and no shit being sprayed all over. One of the better home items I have purchased.

Video, or it didn't happen.

[GreatWhiteSnake]

Good lord $tevil is turning into Heenan...

[MetalSludgeCEO]

I can't explain the benefits of a bidet that is separate from the toilet, as I have never used one of those. However, I added a bidet attachment to my toilet in 2020 (the toilet paper scare) and it's amazing. You use less toilet paper, there's less iritation, and you feel a lot cleaner after taking a nasty dump. There's no mess and no shit being sprayed all over. One of the better home items I have purchased.

""""""""""""""""""There's no mess and no shit being sprayed all over. """"""""""""""""""""""""

I am NOT sold.

Example... If I take a pile of Dog Shit, and grab the Garden Hose and pull the trigger... that pile of sh!t will start to explode on contact from the water stream.

But... it's NOT a full pile of sh!t that is around your exit, correct?

Okay... so let's try a different example.

If I take a lump of sh!t and smear a few good swipes of it against the side of say, a Balloon, or a Basket Ball, or even a Real Doll from the Sex Shop.... and then spray that area of smear with a powerful water stream... how is the water NOT blasting into the fecal matter smear, and just blowing it every which way?

Last example...

If I got outside and take my shoes and socks off, and walk through a muddy yard... and then decide to hose my feet off with the garden hose before going in the house... does ALL that mud go into a nice little neat area? Does it stay within a reasonable area... like a 10-12" diameter?

No... the mud will likely splatter around 2-3-4 or as far as 5 feet all around your feet.

So with that... when you allow a steady stream of water, to blast into or off your rim, that is coated in sh!t... tell me how this doesn't go ANYWHERE but straight down or into the bottom of the bowl? It's impossible and defies the law of physics!

I just asked Google the following... "Does a bidet spread fecal matter?"

Here is the Answer > https://biobidet.com/blogs/news/do-bide ... everywhere

I still don't buy it.

$tEvil

[Engine13]

When we bought our house, the wife was excited it had a bidet. I said...you mean that drinking fountain by the shitter?
After a while, I start using it. I now consider it man's greatest invention.
The water temps are the outside knobs. Turn the center knob one way for the bowl jet, the other way for the entire bowl rinse. Sit on it first, then turn the knobs or your ceiling will get sprayed. The jet is powerful.
You don't shit in it. Shit in the toilet, clean in the bidet.
If you get an asshole full of water from the jet, go back to the toilet. It surprising how much shit is left in your rectum after taking a dump. That's why you wipe your ass with TP fifty times and it's still dirty. Say goodbye to swamp ass with a bidet.
Use on your junk with your favorite soap. It's a win for everyone.
Hope this helps.

[MetalSludgeCEO]

When we bought our house, the wife was excited it had a bidet. I said...you mean that drinking fountain by the shitter?
After a while, I start using it. I now consider it man's greatest invention.
The water temps are the outside knobs. Turn the center knob one way for the bowl jet, the other way for the entire bowl rinse. Sit on it first, then turn the knobs or your ceiling will get sprayed. The jet is powerful.
You don't shit in it. Shit in the toilet, clean in the bidet.
If you get an asshole full of water from the jet, go back to the toilet. It surprising how much shit is left in your rectum after taking a dump. That's why you wipe your ass with TP fifty times and it's still dirty. Say goodbye to swamp ass with a bidet.
Use on your junk with your favorite soap. It's a win for everyone.
Hope this helps.

Hit my messenger up with some iPhone videos...

Or... I'll shoot you my #... and we can Face Time...

I need better proof or evidence... these are just words!

Thanks in advance.

$tEvil

[Engine13]

Coo.......wait...what?

[Indy_Rob]

My room at Planet Hollywood in Vegas had one. That was my first and only experience with a bidet and I’ve wanted one in my home ever since. The spray wasn’t so powerful as to splatter fecal matter (hey that rhymes) everywhere. It was more like a drinking fountain for the ass.

[jens]

Try walking through mud and cleaning your feet with dry paper towels. See how messy they still are?

You take off the biggest mess with paper, and then spray clean to have it all nice and fresh.

[EatNails]

With the wife being from Europe, it was a constant complaint that she 'missed having a bidet'. They sell snap-on types though, that sit under your regular toilet seat. Took me about 10 minutes to hook it up. There is no hot water, no temp adjustments on this one. It does have different intensity levels though. Tried it a few times, didn't see what the big deal was. She still uses it though.

[BernieTaupson]

Try walking through mud and cleaning your feet with dry paper towels. See how messy they still are?

You take off the biggest mess with paper, and then spray clean to have it all nice and fresh.

Nope. You use the water first then pat dry.

[Psychobolia.com]

I saw a lot of them when I was in France during summer vacations... I used to pee in them or use them to wash my feet. I think they were designed for women to clean out their snatches!

[mullet_head]

Bidets are still a mandatory item here in every house that is built, for some reason. Many foreigners who decide to build a house here complain about it.

I think it's used mostly by my grandparents' generation to wash their private parts. These old timers shower like once a week, usually Sunday, and use the bidet for daily maintenance.

I remember using it to wash my feet before going to bad when I was little.

[mullet_head]

Bidets are still a mandatory item here in every house that is built, for some reason. Many foreigners who decide to build a house here complain about it.

I think it's used mostly by my grandparents' generation to wash their private parts. These old timers shower like once a week, usually Sunday, and use the bidet for daily maintenance.

I remember using it to wash my feet before going to bad when I was little.

[AlexVonHaig]

Like most things, it just offers you a choice.

A) you can spread the shit all over your ass with dry toilet paper until its spread so thin that you think its gone

B) you can wash your asshole with water, removing most of the shit, then spread the remaining shit all over your ass with dry toilet paper until its spread so thin that you think its gone.

[GoodJudge]

Never used one and there's 2 reasons (assumptions) why I wouldn't.
1 - you must need a pile of towels or flannels next to the bidet, that you're constantly washing. Not environmentally friendly.
2 - unless you have a sack + crack wax, that area takes ages to dry fully after a shower, even after towelling. So you either have to wait extra time in the bathroom or dress straight away and walk around with damp cheeks / taint. Not fun.

[whiteowl yesterday]

Like most things, it just offers you a choice.

A) you can spread the shit all over your ass with dry toilet paper until its spread so thin that you think its gone

B) you can wash your asshole with water, removing most of the shit, then spread the remaining shit all over your ass with dry toilet paper until its spread so thin that you think its gone.

haha.

[El Vampiro Blanco]

I kind of liked those bum guns the toilets in all the hotels in Thailand had.
Took a bit to figure out how to use it, but after that I found it very hygienic.

[schlonginski]

So theoretically in a hotel you wipe your ass and then spray it with the gun that the previous guest used without washing his hands and sprayed shit all over it too, just for you to do the same. Wash, repeat, wash, repeat....there must be a lot of shit everywhere.

[DiamondDog]

Bidets are still a mandatory item here in every house that is built, for some reason. Many foreigners who decide to build a house here complain about it.

I think it's used mostly by my grandparents' generation to wash their private parts. These old timers shower like once a week, usually Sunday, and use the bidet for daily maintenance.

I remember using it to wash my feet before going to bad when I was little.

To get off topic a little bit, I just noticed your location. The missus and I are headed your way this summer, splitting our stay between Lisbon and Albufeira, but will be doing a few day trips out of Lisbon during the time we're there.

[mullet_head]

Bidets are still a mandatory item here in every house that is built, for some reason. Many foreigners who decide to build a house here complain about it.

I think it's used mostly by my grandparents' generation to wash their private parts. These old timers shower like once a week, usually Sunday, and use the bidet for daily maintenance.

I remember using it to wash my feet before going to bad when I was little.

To get off topic a little bit, I just noticed your location. The missus and I are headed your way this summer, splitting our stay between Lisbon and Albufeira, but will be doing a few day trips out of Lisbon during the time we're there.

Doesn't seem like you're asking for suggestions but if you´ll be staying in Lisbon might as well visit Sintra. It's a beautiful castle town.

Also make sure to drive along the west coast when heading to Albufeira. The beaches aren't as crowded and places like Porto Covo, Milfontes and Zambujeira take a shit on Albufeira's mouth. I will go camping there in July. The water is cold as fuck, though.

[MetalSludgeCEO]

I kind of liked those bum guns the toilets in all the hotels in Thailand had.
Took a bit to figure out how to use it, but after that I found it very hygienic.

""""""""""I kind of liked those bum guns the toilets in all the hotels in Thailand had."""""""""

You mean the ones that have the sprayer handle thing?

It's basically the same type of device as you have in your Kitchen sink, the 2 foot hose and Sprayer handle, only it's locked and loaded on the Toilet.

Just reach back,grab, spread your legs, and pretend your Ass is a dirty pan in the sink.

Correct?

$tEvil

[DiamondDog]

Bidets are still a mandatory item here in every house that is built, for some reason. Many foreigners who decide to build a house here complain about it.

I think it's used mostly by my grandparents' generation to wash their private parts. These old timers shower like once a week, usually Sunday, and use the bidet for daily maintenance.

I remember using it to wash my feet before going to bad when I was little.

To get off topic a little bit, I just noticed your location. The missus and I are headed your way this summer, splitting our stay between Lisbon and Albufeira, but will be doing a few day trips out of Lisbon during the time we're there.

Doesn't seem like you're asking for suggestions but if you´ll be staying in Lisbon might as well visit Sintra. It's a beautiful castle town.

Also make sure to drive along the west coast when heading to Albufeira. The beaches aren't as crowded and places like Porto Covo, Milfontes and Zambujeira take a shit on Albufeira's mouth. I will go camping there in July. The water is cold as fuck, though.

Suggestions are always appreciated, and Sintra is definitely on the agenda. And I'm on the other side of the Atlantic, so your cold as fuck will probably be quite nice for me!

[El Vampiro Blanco]

I kind of liked those bum guns the toilets in all the hotels in Thailand had.
Took a bit to figure out how to use it, but after that I found it very hygienic.

""""""""""I kind of liked those bum guns the toilets in all the hotels in Thailand had."""""""""

You mean the ones that have the sprayer handle thing?

It's basically the same type of device as you have in your Kitchen sink, the 2 foot hose and Sprayer handle, only it's locked and loaded on the Toilet.

Just reach back,grab, spread your legs, and pretend your Ass is a dirty pan in the sink.

Correct?

$tEvil

I found what worked for me best was wipe first, sit back down, move your balls to side and start spraying your asshole.
That seemed to ensure all water ended up back in the toilet.

[mullet_head]

And I'm on the other side of the Atlantic, so your cold as fuck will probably be quite nice for me!

The closer to Spain (and the Mediterranean) the higher the temperature will be. Ilha do Farol, Ilha de Tavira, Barril, Manta Rota, are all nice beaches, if that's what you're interested in. Bear in mind that some beaches are only accessible by ferry, like the first two, I mentioned, since the Ria Formosa, which is also interesting in itself, stands between them.

Where you at, if I may ask?

[DiamondDog]

And I'm on the other side of the Atlantic, so your cold as fuck will probably be quite nice for me!

The closer to Spain (and the Mediterranean) the higher the temperature will be. Ilha do Farol, Ilha de Tavira, Barril, Manta Rota, are all nice beaches, if that's what you're interested in. Bear in mind that some beaches are only accessible by ferry, like the first two, I mentioned, since the Ria Formosa, which is also interesting in itself, stands between them.

Where you at, if I may ask?

I live in Nova Scotia, east coast of Canada.

[Mojo]

I bought one of the under the toilet seat versions. It was way too powerful and there wasn't a way to turn down the pressure without turning down the pressure on the toilet itself. It felt like I was power washing my asshole. Then afterward, it still took a shit ton (tee hee) of toilet paper to dry myself. I wasn't sold.

[GoodJudge]

It felt like I was power washing my asshole.

Heenan lives!