The Big 5 of Rock Manager Types: Which Would You Prefer?
Posted: Thu May 29, 2025 4:02 pm
Listening to some Beatles--pretty good, check 'em out--and doing Batman shit, it occurred to me that there are 5 types of Rock Managers. I have never had a Rock Manager; I am talking out of my ass. WHO CARES. All stuff from movies, docs, TV, books, etc.
STEREOTYPES. Living Colour taught us about that. But perhaps... not enough?
1. Showbiz Guy. Albert Grossman (Union); Col. Tom Parker (Confederacy); Malcolm McLaren (Redcoats). Depending on where you were located, you had one of these showbiz guys robbing you blind and taking most of the loot. Publishing rights--ALL THEIRS. Bonus: Amphetamines.
2. Gay Guy. Brian Epstein; Bill Aucoin. They like their boys to have a little razzle-dazzle. They will also call you their boys. Bonus: Might get a no-wives vacay out of the deal, and amphetamines.
3. Straight-Up Gangster. Allen Klein; Peter Grant; Don Arden; Sharon Arden; Suge Knight. Self-explanatory. Bonus: You're Robert Johnson, selling your soul to Old Scratch for a grab at stardom. Upper echelon shit though.
4. British Guy. Alan Niven; Rod Smallwood. Your organization is run like the friggin' Navy. Everyone from the top down is the best of the best and he knows everyone in every city. Downside: In 30 years, he writes a book telling everyone what an asshole you are. (Has Smallwood done a book? I'm making shit up.
)
5: Wife. Sharon Osbourne. Bonus: You get to sleep with Sharon Osbourne.
STEREOTYPES. Living Colour taught us about that. But perhaps... not enough?

1. Showbiz Guy. Albert Grossman (Union); Col. Tom Parker (Confederacy); Malcolm McLaren (Redcoats). Depending on where you were located, you had one of these showbiz guys robbing you blind and taking most of the loot. Publishing rights--ALL THEIRS. Bonus: Amphetamines.
2. Gay Guy. Brian Epstein; Bill Aucoin. They like their boys to have a little razzle-dazzle. They will also call you their boys. Bonus: Might get a no-wives vacay out of the deal, and amphetamines.
3. Straight-Up Gangster. Allen Klein; Peter Grant; Don Arden; Sharon Arden; Suge Knight. Self-explanatory. Bonus: You're Robert Johnson, selling your soul to Old Scratch for a grab at stardom. Upper echelon shit though.
4. British Guy. Alan Niven; Rod Smallwood. Your organization is run like the friggin' Navy. Everyone from the top down is the best of the best and he knows everyone in every city. Downside: In 30 years, he writes a book telling everyone what an asshole you are. (Has Smallwood done a book? I'm making shit up.

5: Wife. Sharon Osbourne. Bonus: You get to sleep with Sharon Osbourne.
