I know this sounds like the Mummy but...

[Itwalksamongus]

Itsmellslikefrumundahummus -

Please explain to the class how dc is a drunk hick but you aren't.

We'll wait.

Wide Load,

Please explain to the class why my conversation with another poster is any of your fucking business.

I'll wait.

Um...i am guessing

Obviously.

[Goddamn Electric]

Yeah - but the opinion of a drunk hick hardly matters.

A feeble minded, drunk driving never-was from Indiana calling DC a drunk hick is just mind blowing.

Paging The_Irony...STAT!

His people called my people to say that he would be here, but he's allergic to the smell of Grey Goose and Failure.

And soiled Depends.

Itwalks: "Dammit, Martha...I crapped in my didies again!"

[deathcurse]

Um...i am guessing

Obviously.

So...this isn't a public forum?

Let me guess - you're going to start crying and tell me to stay out of it, right?

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

Mummy, if you want to say stupid shit to other posters without somebody else calling you out on it, don't do it in a public forum, do it a private message, you stupid bag of fuck.

You do remember what private messages are, don't you? You know those things you sent out in a panic to me and the mod promising to stop doing this shit after you posted my first name?

HAHAHA! What a bitch.

[Itwalksamongus]

Mummy, if you want to say stupid shit to other posters without somebody else calling you out on it, don't do it in a public forum, do it a private message, you stupid bag of fuck.

You do remember what private messages are, don't you? You know those things you sent out in a panic to me and the mod promising to stop doing this shit after you posted my first name?

HAHAHA! What a bitch.

You could have sent this whimper-fest in a PM, you know.

[Itwalksamongus]

Um...i am guessing

Obviously.

So...this isn't a public forum?

Let me guess - you're going to start crying and tell me to stay out of it, right?

You left *hic* off the end there, bro.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

Why would I cry about you looking like a bitch?

That shit is funny and it's certainly not a secret.

[deathcurse]

You could have sent this whimper-fest in a PM, you know.

And The Mummy remains completely clueless as to how fucking STUPID he looks.

[Itwalksamongus]

Why would I cry about you looking like a bitch?

Hold on there, MakesWideRightTurns - are you asking me why you do the stupid shit you do here?

Please tell me you're not. Yet - it would explain a lot.

[Itwalksamongus]

You could have sent this whimper-fest in a PM, you know.

And The Mummy remains completely clueless as to how fucking STUPID he looks.

Awwww - Whatsamatter, Dean Martin - bar not open yet?

[deathcurse]

Awwww - Whatsamatter, Dean Martin - bar not open yet?

No - not - yet. Soon - hopefully. I want - to get - drunk - and drive around - and potentially kill - a child - just like - you. Maybe - then - I can have - a career - sucking at bass - and harassing - women - online.

[Itwalksamongus]

Awwww - Whatsamatter, Dean Martin - bar not open yet?

No - not - yet..

Wow - it's the cyber-version of a drunken stagger.

[deathcurse]

Wow - it's the cyber-version of a drunken stagger.

Maybe you - should make - cookie - feel bad about - her body - some - more. Your abusive - demeanor - towards women might - be the - reason - you'll die - alone.

[Itwalksamongus]

Wow - it's the cyber-version of a drunken stagger.

Maybe

Maybe what? Maybe the bar's open? Dude - how many bottle of hooch do you go thru during one viewing of The Music Man - and do you find yourself saying eye-oh-way a lot after?

Serious question.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

Please tell me you're not.

I'm not - I'm making fun of how you talk a bunch of stupid shit and then roll over on your osteoporosis stricken back and piss on yourself begging for mercy in private.

I've never seen anyone so willing to fag out just so they won't get banned from a fucking messageboard....again.

[Itwalksamongus]

Please tell me you're not.

I'm not

Good. See that you don't in the future.

[deathcurse]

The Music Man

The Music Man?

Is that the most current movie you could think of?

The Mummy, I go through thirty-score pints of devil-rum in the span of a fortnight. Occasionally I am so blind that I turn into a real weisenheimer and have gotten thrown out on my keister from more than one nickelodeon. My daddy was petroleum tycoon who looks like the Monopoly man of your future and he had to bail me out of the hoosegow so I didn't get a paddlin' from the other roustabouts.

[Itwalksamongus]

The Music Man

The Music Man?

Sorry - sober people know what that is.

So, dipshit - what's this business about Cookie? Are you seriously trying to project my comments about your generously overserved friend onto her? If you are I'll ask you a question - is your father alive? If you actually know who he is, I mean.

[deathcurse]

Are you seriously trying to project my comments about your generously overserved friend onto her?

I'm not doing that, you are.

Your commenting on other women's weight would be like if I started criticizing people for smoking pot. If I started telling, say, upinsmoke that he's an idiot because he's a pot smoker, Stoner would probably go "What the fuck? What's his problem with pot smokers? Does this mean he has a problem with me?"

You're clueless to how other people might be affected by your actions, as evidenced by your tendency to drink and drive.

If you are I'll ask you a question - is your father alive? If you actually know who he is, I mean.

My father is not only alive, he's younger than you.

[Itwalksamongus]

Are you seriously trying to project my comments about your generously overserved friend onto her?

I'm not doing that, you are.

Your commenting on other women's weight would be like if I started criticizing people for smoking pot. If I started telling, say, upinsmoke that he's an idiot because he's a pot smoker, Stoner would probably go "What the fuck? What's his problem with pot smokers? Does this mean he has a problem with me?"

Well, that would just be stupid. Kind of like you.

Duh.

[deathcurse]

Well, that would just be stupid.

Okay, so Stoner's fat but cookie isn't, even though she's fatter than Stoner.

I like cookie a lot but every time you bring up Stoner's weight, it becomes obvious to everyone who you're REALLY talking about.

[Itwalksamongus]

Well, that would just be stupid.

Okay, so Stoner's fat but cookie isn't,

Oh, yeah that's exactly what I said.

Dumbass.

[Itwalksamongus]

Well, that would just be stupid.

I like cookie a lot but every time you bring up Stoner's weight, it becomes obvious to everyone who you're REALLY talking about.

I see - so, basically what you're saying is when you throw old-guy insults at me you're REALLY talking about your dad. If one is true, so is the other.

THanks.

[deathcurse]

I see - so, basically what you're saying is when you throw old-guy insults at me you're REALLY talking about your dad. If one is true, so is the other.

THanks.

Did you see where I said my dad is YOUNGER than you?

[Itwalksamongus]

I see - so, basically what you're saying is when you throw old-guy insults at me you're REALLY talking about your dad. If one is true, so is the other.

THanks.

Did you see where I said my dad is YOUNGER than you?

Well, you're 30 - how far off could he be? Five years? Or, WAIT - "you're old but my dad ISN'T"????

Is he a drunk too?

[deathcurse]

Well, you're 30 - how far off could he be? Five years? Or, WAIT - "you're old but my dad ISN'T"????

Is he a drunk too?

I'm not 30. You're lying to suit your own agenda.

And there's a world of difference between you and my father.

You look like SHIT. Your teeth are all rotten, your gaunt as shit, your hair looks like corpse hair - the list is endless. Chicks I date think my dad is a handsome dude. Ask Stoner - she said my dad is HOT.

I've never heard my dad say an abusive thing towards any woman EVER. Never called a woman a "bitch" and he certainly never commented on their weight. You? You'll send anonymous women harassing e-mails over misspelled words.

My dad is an extremely educated man. If you were to ask my dad about any subject - be it botany, Shakespeare, U2, cicadas, firearms, Robert Mitchum, how to properly smoke a ham - he'll give an encyclopedic rundown of that subject. You, on the other hand, are on the opposite side of that spectrum. You don't seem to know shit about dick.

My dad's an incredibly gifted visual artist. You're a hack.

My dad doesn't go on the internet saying things like "Bro, what's up, bro? Yo dog, you're a douchenozzle. Word up, homeslice."

My dad's a great guy, he's liked by just about everyone. He's a quiet guy who never toots his own horn even though he has every reason in the world to.

You? You're loathed by everyone who crosses your path and you don't shut the fuck up about your life's meager accomplishments.

So no. I'm not talking about my dad.

[Itwalksamongus]

Well, you're 30 - how far off could he be? Five years? Or, WAIT - "you're old but my dad ISN'T"????

Is he a drunk too?

I'm not 30. You're lying to suit your own agenda.

I see. So, you're saying that when you miss my age by a few years or decades you're lying to suit YOUR agenda.

Got it.

So no. I'm not talking about my dad.

And I'm not talking about Cookie either. Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. It'sAlwaysFiveO'ClockSomewhere.

[deathcurse]

And I'm not talking about Cookie either.

Your "point" would only hold water if my dad was - a. older than you, and b. more of a loser than you.

He's neither.

[Itwalksamongus]

And I'm not talking about Cookie either.

Your "point" would only hold water if my dad was - a. older than you, and b. more of a loser than you.
.

Nope.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]