Metal Sludge Gossip Board

Now that we're back in fucking business, it's time to stir up the hornet's nest and watch what happens.

I have noticed a run on stupidity on these boards lately. I, along with a panel of nine anonymous Sludgers have devised a scientific formula to calculate all the elements of what makes a stupid motherfucking poster and based on that criteria have been able to come up with a comprehensive, 100% correct list of the absolute stupidest sons of bitches on here.

Okay, okay - I made some of that up. There's no panel of Sludgers and no scientific formula. This is just my opinion. But I'm right anyway goddammit.

So, with no further ado, the list:

1. Ironman. The way this guy talks when he gets on the subject of chicks he finds hot makes me need to hang an airsick bag beside my laptop. I never know when one of his leaden attempts at randy wit is going to assault my eyes and make some of the chicken pot pie I had for dinner try to claw its way back up my throat.

2. KAOS. Barack Obama's greatest fear is not a dirty Republican October surprise but that a newscaster is gonna manage to stick a mic in this idiot's face prior to Election Day, thereby allowing him to singlehandedly bring the Obama campaign crashing down by offering his troglodytic support. Yeah, I know "troglodytic" isn't a word. It will be someday thanks to this moron.

3. Iron Duck. I bet that abortion of a joke about Egyptian mummy farts was what caused the board meltdown.

3. Yes, I put three twice because it's a tie. CharvelBasher has always been a dim bulb but lately he's been hitting them out of the park. When asked if you have any crushes on ugly or weird people, this asshole cited Jill Wagner. Yeah, she's a real fucking mutt. And when asked for ten facts about himself he managed to puke up six. READ THE GODDAM QUESTION BEFORE RESPONDING ASSHOLE!

4. Glamrokkgirl. Even adding her to this list feels like kicking my dog. I see a future for her and her huge rack and tiny brain on "Rock of Love Part Pi".

5. ZakkVanDime. Zakk, I want with all my heart not to have to add you to this list because I like you as a person, but you've had the fuck clowned out of you by two very disparate people - enteryourusername and Sarah Palin. Username because he clearly owned you on that infanticide thing and you still - apparently seriously - assert that he was somehow "proven" wrong, as though you can make the public record reverse itself and back your position by sheer force of will; Sarah Palin because her cuteness and semiliterate rhetoric have cast an evil spell on your brain that somehow has you thinking that the new definition for "America's sweetheart" is "fucking backwoods moron". Your ideology has totally blinded you to logic of any sort and I fear that you truly are "feeling your mask of sanity starting to slip".

6. DanaSimmons. In tribute to his vintage brand of idiocy, I won't elaborate.

If anyone else can think of anyone to add to the list, please feel free to do so. Even if you are of the totally wrong opinion that I might belong on it, go ahead and let it out.

4. Glamrokkgirl. Even adding her to this list feels like kicking my dog. I see a future for her and her huge rack and tiny brain on "Rock of Love Part Pi".

I love you, chicke.

chickenona wrote:4. Glamrokkgirl. Even adding her to this list feels like kicking my dog. I see a future for her and her huge rack and tiny brain on "Rock of Love Part Pi".

She's got a huge rack? Why wasn't I informed?

How come everyone skirts around HMZ666 when these threads are made?

He's more entertaining than the rest of them put together though, so I ain't hating.

I love you too, Pill, even if Clive HAS sampled your anus.

I'm sure I'm gonna end up making this another one of my masturbatory threads and add more than half of the posts in it myself. This material is just too fucking fertile.

Best thread in weeks. Thanks for the laughs.

Ugmo wrote:How come everyone skirts around HMZ666 when these threads are made?

He's more entertaining than the rest of them put together though, so I ain't hating.

IMO, calling HMZ stupid is so 2005.

Also I admit I go easy on him because his haters are so much more unpleasant than he is.

chickenona wrote:IMO, calling HMZ stupid is so 2005.

Also I admit I go easy on him because his haters are so much more unpleasant than he is.

He seems like a decent guy, no question.

Ugmo wrote:How come everyone skirts around HMZ666 when these threads are made?

Because ColaZombie is the fucking man. He'll beat you within an inch of your life with only a three-leaf notebook and bottle of Dasani.

Pill wrote:

Ugmo wrote:How come everyone skirts around HMZ666 when these threads are made?

Because ColaZombie is the fucking man. He'll beat you within an inch of your life with only a three-leaf notebook and bottle of Dasani.

Hahahahahaha! Oh fuck.

charlene manson for her stupid new username, among other things.

McLargeDrink and his stupid food pictures. Do we really need a chronicle of his journey to obesity? Also because he has one of the stupidest tattoos I have ever seen.

yet another list I didnt make.

VinnieKulick for ruining good threads by whining.

Don't fret, somebody else might add you!

Sara - I totally forgot Charlene was back. And you're right, that name is refuckingtarded. Somebody ought to email it to Sheri Moon. I'm glad you're on top of this shit.

EDITED TO ADD: See, Vinnie! There you go.

coldeternal for adding himself when he is infinitely awesome.

coldeternal138 wrote:I'll add myself, i suck and contribute almost nothing.

Take that self-deprecating thing somewhere else goddammit. This thread is for VENOM! Open up a vein of ridicule and let it hemorrhage onto the board!

Would a poster that gets continually owned and keeps coming back for more after being outed as a fat, balding, lying mama's boy fit this category?

I would call that a pathology. While there's no denying he's dumber than fuck, I think Lickety would be more at home on a "Craziest, Not in a Fun Way But Truly Mentally Ill, Posters" thread.

chickenona wrote:Don't fret, somebody else might add you!

Sara - I totally forgot Charlene was back. And you're right, that name is refuckingtarded. Somebody ought to email it to Sheri Moon. I'm glad you're on top of this shit.

EDITED TO ADD: See, Vinnie! There you go.

Actually, he really has opened my eyes. I just noticed he's one of those guys who post pictures of women's tits with captions like "HOLY CRAP BOYS, LOOK AT THESE BAZUNGAS!" Those of us who have seen real life boobs have to endure this madness.

Pill wrote:

Ugmo wrote:How come everyone skirts around HMZ666 when these threads are made?

Because ColaZombie is the fucking man. He'll beat you within an inch of your life with only a three-leaf notebook and bottle of Dasani.

no doubt.

your honor, I wish to submit the following as evidence:

HeavyMetalZombie666 wrote:I have slashed people's tires, broke people's car windows out with baseball bats and even pissed on someones backpack and in someone's bottled water

HeavyMetalZombie666 wrote: well you got it wrong. I am not acting like a moron. My pictures are great. If I saw you in real life I would beat the living shit out of you and put you in the hospital and I would be laughing my ass off when I do so.

I'd add alleyrulez, but I love when he cries because he didn't make a list.

Chicke must have had a brain fart to leave me off the list. It's OK though! Somebody else will be along shortly to add me.

Pill wrote:I'd add alleyrulez, but I love when he cries because he didn't make a list.

looks like I won't be crying today!

thanks, Pill!

Ugmo wrote:How come everyone skirts around HMZ666 when these threads are made?

He's more entertaining than the rest of them put together though, so I ain't hating.

The HMZ is not dumb. He's the world's greatest message board performance artist. If you don't see that you belong on this list yourself.

JakeYonkel wrote:Chicke must have had a brain fart to leave me off the list. It's OK though! Somebody else will be along shortly to add me.

You're not stupid, Jake. That's one of the reasons I get so frustrated with you.

I'm casting a vote for Royal Dudeness or whatever his nym is. The level of fucktardery he achieves on a daily basis amazes me.

Oh_Fuck_It's_Elvis. That guy tries way too hard to come across as intelligent and always ends up looking dumber for it.

jpf. Whenever you call the fucker out, he will name call, finishing the post with a string of dumbass emoticons.
Especially this one.


Worst thing about it is that emoticon always reminds me of a nervous laugh.

Both those numbskulls are dumb as rocks.

chickenona wrote:This thread is for VENOM!

BLACK METAL!!!!!!!!!


Truly this is like trying to decide which stripper has the worst daddy issues. In a sea of stupidity, it's hard to give any one wave too much much credit. With that said, Jake Yonkel is a motherfucking tsunami of stupid.

Hahaha! There you go, Jake.

I have to add Iggy to this list. He's totally ruined giant blue font for me. Whenever I see it I just wanna kick a dog or an old lady or something.