Diary Of A Roxxxtar

[CliffByford]

Following is an account of a typical day in my life. It could be any day - after all, they all seem the same when your vocation is not considered a "real job" by the Employment Office. Regardless, enjoy this glimpse into the life of a real roxxxtar.

10:45 - Arise to greet what's left of the morning after an all-night Dharma & Greg/Mountain Dew marathon. Oh Greg! Will you ever get a handle on that crazy Dharma?

11:05 - Attempt to continue my plight to bring down the puppet government of the Islamo-Socialist running dog Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, but thwarted in my tracks by a lack of aspic jelly. I need my aspic jelly!

12:40 - Return from shops with fresh batch of aspic. Disturbed by building manager, who shamefully suspected that I was responsible for leaving a watermelon outside the apartment of the aged negress down the hall. If he thinks that's racist, it says more about him than me. I told the Obamite lickspittle nothing.

14:00 - Insert penis into perfect cube of aspic jelly. Very pleasant.

15:00 - Log on to Metal Sludge for approximately the seventy-fourth time today. The War Board must hear this URGENT news - it turns out that Barrack HUSSEIN Obama has announced he is personally committed to forced abortion for middle-class white households. Okay, maybe it's not true in the literal sense, but for sure, it's certainly true in the poetic sense.

16:50 - Have been following motleyrock on Twitter. Apparently, ol' motley stared down a Hispanic in the street and only blinked a couple of times. Hell of a guy. America needs more heroes like him.

17:30 - My chariot awaits! And by "chariot" I mean "public bus", but I'm not one to quibble semantics. Off to my Weight Watchers session. It didn't go well last time - put on four pounds. When asked why, I could only respond honestly - depression eating due to installation of Jihadist theocracy in the "White" House.

19:45 - Home safe after a pleasing Weight Watchers session. I actually defeated one particularly obese Hottentot, who blamed her gain on "the death of her son and repossession of her house" or some other "excuse". Yeah? Well, this ain't Europe, this is AMERICA.

21:00 - Why, oh why do these people on Sludge hate me so? Can't they see I'm really a sensitive person on the inside.

21:15 - Remove penis from aspic jelly.

22:30 - Don't you wish there was a color filter on Hot Or Not? Not that I'm racist. That's like saying "you're racist" if you don't want to wear canary yellow, which is stupid, it's just preference, and if you think otherwise you're stupid, which doesn't surprise me because so many people are stupid. I'm not racist.

00:00 - Sludge, Mountain Dew and Are You Being Served? - an unbeatable trifecta to take me through the wee small hours! Able to sleep satisfied tonight, having struck many a blow against the Communist/Fifth Columnist/Collectivist dictatorship of Barrack HUSSEIN Obama*. And so, to bed.


*Check to see if any link with Saddam HUSSEIN Al-Tikriti, another noted rascal.

[tin00can]

Wow. That's beautiful!

[MurrayFiend]

12:40 - Return from shops with fresh batch of aspic. Disturbed by building manager, who shamefully suspected that I was responsible for leaving a watermelon outside the apartment of the aged negress down the hall. If he thinks that's racist, it says more about him than me. I told the Obamite lickspittle nothing.

LMMFAO. Brilliant.

[chickenona]

It's like you're stuck inside his head.

My condolences.

[BigDrewHalenite]

The funniest part was finding out that he keeps his penis inserted in a perfect cube of aspic jelly for over 7 hours a day, including the time he spends riding the bus to and from his Weight Watchers meetings!
Cliff, you RULE!

[ralphwiggumsdealer]

How do I know that this roxxstar character is a complete blowout?

At no point in his day does he manage to listen to any BOC.

[noam_bombsky]

Beautiful. Best post I've read all day.

[acefrehleysbeer]

Cliff, whats aspic?

[chickenona]

It's like a gelatin, ace. Only classy dudes like Cliff don't just call it jello.

[SebastianLeeDanzig]

Now that's a grand Hatas post. I'm truly moved.

[acefrehleysbeer]

It's like a gelatin, ace. Only classy dudes like Cliff don't just call it jello.

I thought he was sticking his dick in a mexican!

[MasterOfMeatPuppets]

I thought he was sticking his dick in a mexican!

That would be a spic, you hick.

[CliffByford]

Thanks for the lovely comments. Seeing as the subject of this piece rarely, if ever, ventures to Hatas I thought I'd send him a PM to alert him to the fact that he has been immortalised. My PM was titled "Fuckface", and merely contained a link to the piece signed "your pal, Cliff." I don't usually like to post PMs in the public forum, but Roxxxtar is a complete dickwad so I'll happily make an exception. Here's how he critiqued my hypothetical diary entry:

Holy shit, that was boring. Be sure you send me another private message if you ever decide to post something remotely interesting.
I flattered that you have a man crush on me.
I don't swing that way though, fag.
Why else would you have sat behind your computer in your gay dad's house writing a stupid fake diary about me.

Note how many times he mentions homosexuality. The ladyboy doth protest too much, methinks?

[BigDrewHalenite]

Thanks for the lovely comments. Seeing as the subject of this piece rarely, if ever, ventures to Hatas I thought I'd send him a PM to alert him to the fact that he has been immortalised. My PM was titled "Fuckface", and merely contained a link to the piece signed "your pal, Cliff." I don't usually like to post PMs in the public forum, but Roxxxtar is a complete dickwad so I'll happily make an exception. Here's how he critiqued my hypothetical diary entry:

Holy shit, that was boring. Be sure you send me another private message if you ever decide to post something remotely interesting.
I flattered that you have a man crush on me.
I don't swing that way though, fag.
Why else would you have sat behind your computer in your gay dad's house writing a stupid fake diary about me.

Note how many times he mentions homosexuality. The ladyboy doth protest too much, methinks?

Aye, lad. Roxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy's loafers do appear to have a rather pale hue, do they not?

Not to mention that it's pretty obvious that the snotty comments are a failed attempt to hide a galaxy of butthurting. He's probably still weeping over the fact that there's yet another Sludger that doesn't like him.

[roxxxtar]

Thanks for the lovely comments. Seeing as the subject of this piece rarely, if ever, ventures to Hatas I thought I'd send him a PM to alert him to the fact that he has been immortalised. My PM was titled "Fuckface", and merely contained a link to the piece signed "your pal, Cliff." I don't usually like to post PMs in the public forum, but Roxxxtar is a complete dickwad so I'll happily make an exception.

You're such a pussy.

[SanityClause]

Thanks for the lovely comments. Seeing as the subject of this piece rarely, if ever, ventures to Hatas I thought I'd send him a PM to alert him to the fact that he has been immortalised. My PM was titled "Fuckface", and merely contained a link to the piece signed "your pal, Cliff." I don't usually like to post PMs in the public forum, but Roxxxtar is a complete dickwad so I'll happily make an exception. Here's how he critiqued my hypothetical diary entry:

Holy shit, that was boring. Be sure you send me another private message if you ever decide to post something remotely interesting.
I flattered that you have a man crush on me.
I don't swing that way though, fag.
Why else would you have sat behind your computer in your gay dad's house writing a stupid fake diary about me.

Note how many times he mentions homosexuality. The ladyboy doth protest too much, methinks?

You're such a pussy.

You're the one with the pink avatar.

[Mitzi Dupree]

Holy shit, that was boring. Be sure you send me another private message if you ever decide to post something remotely interesting.
I flattered that you have a man crush on me.
I don't swing that way though, fag.
Why else would you have sat behind your computer in your gay dad's house writing a stupid fake diary about me.

Note how many times he mentions homosexuality. The ladyboy doth protest too much, methinks?

Just when I thought it would be tough to top the sheer hilarity in the original post, I'm gifted with the sweaty-fingered mashings of a sexually confused mouth-breather. The line about your gay dad is unbelievably perfect.

[tin00can]

For some reason roxxxy can't help but go straight to the gay metaphor whenever he is challenged. I'm no Freud, but it doesn't take a Freud to smell that projection from a few miles away. His closet seems to be pretty full.

And by odd coincidence, he's stopped posting Obama threads since this thread was started. He'll still post in them occasionally, but he doesn't start them any more.

[vlad]

My first and last Hatas post ever...

What a thing of beauty!

Aspic is savory, jello is dessert (for us Americans)...of course with Roxxxxxxxxstar (who is so upset when you get the wrong amount of "x"s in his name) would most likely get his aspic from the bottom of the take out roasted chicken containers littering the floor around his greasy ole' chair.

[Luminiferous]

In honor of Cliff's spectacular post, I stuck my dick into some aspic jelly...



Is it supposed to tingle?