I'm really worried about somebody right now (bigbuttskinner)
Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2019 10:55 am
Fellow posters, I would like to open my mailbag to you and share a letter I recently received.
Dear Ann,
About six months ago, I stopped taking my medication (Lithobid). I've come to realize that my family, coworkers, and neighbors are right: I'm an unlikable asshole. Believe me...no love is lost. I don't really like people either. But in spite of my dislike of people, I compulsively engage them on Internet message boards and out in public.
Treating people like shit is how I get my little high. And it's easier to do it online. The last time I was a bitch to someone in person, I got my ass kicked. I was walking towards the door of my local Safeway and I became enraged by a salesperson. I began screaming "No one fucking likes girl scout cookies, you little bitch! Each cookie has more than 100 fucking calories, and the goddamn number of cookies in the box gets smaller and smaller every year. And your green uniform looks like shit! So FUUUUUCKKKKKKK.....YOOOUUUUUUU and get the fuck out of my goddamn way. I'm only here to buy beer and high-fibre breakfast cereal." I never would have said that if I knew her dad was standing over by the shopping cart corral. Bruised and bleeding, I ran away as fast as my 350-pound frame could carry me. I had to return at 6 a.m. the next morning to get my car from the parking lot...and to buy that high-fibre breakfast cereal.
That was a few days ago. And now I'm sitting here with my Fiber One Bran Flakes plus a soccer ball that I stole after some kids accidentally kicked it into my yard, massaging my bruises, and thinking "damn, some thin mints and samoas would be really good right now". I love those chocolatey, toasted-coconut, caramel cookies! Why did I have to be an asshole? It was a lose-lose situation for everyone involved, especially me. And I'm getting too fat to run away every time I piss someone off.
Ann, how can I lead a happier, more satisfying life?
Sincerely,
bigbuttskinner
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And now I shall share my reply:
Dear bigbuttskinner,
My advice is: purchase a personal insertable device from an adult novelty store, lubricate it, and thrust it in and out of your anus, slowly at first, but then increasing in speed. This is just one method for releasing your energy more constructively. You might also try learning a creative skill like pottery, watercolor painting, or guitar playing. Once you find something that you enjoy and that you're good at (keep trying!), then try to find other people who share your interests.
Perhaps other readers can chime in with a few suggestions for how you can live your best life.
--Ann
Dear Ann,
About six months ago, I stopped taking my medication (Lithobid). I've come to realize that my family, coworkers, and neighbors are right: I'm an unlikable asshole. Believe me...no love is lost. I don't really like people either. But in spite of my dislike of people, I compulsively engage them on Internet message boards and out in public.
Treating people like shit is how I get my little high. And it's easier to do it online. The last time I was a bitch to someone in person, I got my ass kicked. I was walking towards the door of my local Safeway and I became enraged by a salesperson. I began screaming "No one fucking likes girl scout cookies, you little bitch! Each cookie has more than 100 fucking calories, and the goddamn number of cookies in the box gets smaller and smaller every year. And your green uniform looks like shit! So FUUUUUCKKKKKKK.....YOOOUUUUUUU and get the fuck out of my goddamn way. I'm only here to buy beer and high-fibre breakfast cereal." I never would have said that if I knew her dad was standing over by the shopping cart corral. Bruised and bleeding, I ran away as fast as my 350-pound frame could carry me. I had to return at 6 a.m. the next morning to get my car from the parking lot...and to buy that high-fibre breakfast cereal.
That was a few days ago. And now I'm sitting here with my Fiber One Bran Flakes plus a soccer ball that I stole after some kids accidentally kicked it into my yard, massaging my bruises, and thinking "damn, some thin mints and samoas would be really good right now". I love those chocolatey, toasted-coconut, caramel cookies! Why did I have to be an asshole? It was a lose-lose situation for everyone involved, especially me. And I'm getting too fat to run away every time I piss someone off.
Ann, how can I lead a happier, more satisfying life?
Sincerely,
bigbuttskinner
-------------------
And now I shall share my reply:
Dear bigbuttskinner,
My advice is: purchase a personal insertable device from an adult novelty store, lubricate it, and thrust it in and out of your anus, slowly at first, but then increasing in speed. This is just one method for releasing your energy more constructively. You might also try learning a creative skill like pottery, watercolor painting, or guitar playing. Once you find something that you enjoy and that you're good at (keep trying!), then try to find other people who share your interests.
Perhaps other readers can chime in with a few suggestions for how you can live your best life.
--Ann