Metal Sludge Gossip Board

Tiger will be speaking soon fuckers.
Listen and learn.

I've lost 5 in a row on Streak For the Cash. That's nearly impossible isn't it?

I'm actually watching this.

Everytime he looks dead straight into the camera it freaks me the hell out.

Watching right now. He's a dumb ass and he fucked his career but I kinda feel sad for him. This speech seems kinda insincere tho, I doubt he wrote any of that

JakeYonkel wrote:I'm actually watching this.

Everytime he looks dead straight into the camera it freaks me the hell out.

Haha I thought the same thing. It was like he was looking into my soul, creepy

I never knew black people could get so red.

Christ.

This is MAJOR news?! Really?? This shit should be just between him and his family. And this was the top story on my local news, even had local viewers' reactions. ComethefuckONNNNNN!!!

TawnyVonJagger wrote:Christ.

This is MAJOR news?! Really?? This shit should be just between him and his family. And this was the top story on my local news, even had local viewers' reactions. ComethefuckONNNNNN!!!

Ya I agree. There is a war going on overseas, people are crashing planes into buildings and many other important things are going on but they continue to milk the hell outta this Tiger Woods shit. I can understand televising his press conference but then taking an hour to analyze every statement he made. Gimme a break

For those who study speech, it's classic apologia. He's a dumb fuck, he got caught, that's all that happened. His harem would be growing as we speak if he hadn't. Also Tiger, don't bring in the tenants of Buddhism. The Four Noble Truths and The Eightfold Noble Path shouldn't even be spoken of by a person who doesn't really mean it. Plus being married to a cunt doesn't help either. Celebrities are lame.

Like I wrote on my Facebook while watching that... the news feed beneath should have said "WOODS: ONLY SORRY BECAUSE I GOT CAUGHT"



That said I don't really see why they're following the guy's kids around to day care and school and shit, but anything else that happens he can look in the mirror for blame. He was one of the most highly regarded athletes in the world with a squeaky clean image. Way to be.

This is great. For anybody that missed it, ESPN (any channel) is running the thing in a non stop loop.
It's a good thing, too. What else would ESPNews report on? It's not like there's anything else in the world of sports going on.
The ESPNews subject tabs currently read this:
Tiger Tiger NBA Tiger NBA NCAAM Tiger

Can't really blame Tiger for what he did. Most people in his position would do exactly the same thing. He's not the only athlete that has a bunch of women in different cities all over the world. And it's not like the rock stars we talk about on Sludge don't do the same thing. It's his personal life and it's not our business. It would be far worse if he got caught cheating in his sport than fooling around behind his wife's back.

Soccer player Ca$hley Cole in the UK has just been outted for having 4 sluts on the side. His wife is Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole. Talk is of divorce.

Fuck - leave the guy alone.

The biggest mistake he made was getting married. Rich, young, successful people like him should sow their wild oats for as long as possible, THEN, once it's out of your system, settle down and have some kids. Shit is way cheaper that way.

WOLF wrote:Fuck - leave the guy alone.

The biggest mistake he made was getting married. Rich, young, successful people like him should sow their wild oats for as long as possible, THEN, once it's out of your system, settle down and have some kids. Shit is way cheaper that way.

Yeah, this would end up being a very expensive divorce. Tiger is closing in on $1B.

Financially it's better for his wife to stay with him at least until he gets some of his endorsements back and he starts playing and winning again. I think publicly she will support him but that she will wait for things to stabilize and then eventually leave him.

WOLF wrote:Fuck - leave the guy alone.

The biggest mistake he made was getting married. Rich, young, successful people like him should sow their wild oats for as long as possible, THEN, once it's out of your system, settle down and have some kids. Shit is way cheaper that way.

Derek Jeter's had it right all along.

I missed this press conference.

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex.

"Not being able to get out there and have sex has really been tough on me," Woods said. "I've missed it. I love fucking with all my heart."

Woods said that during his brief time away from sex, he couldn't stop thinking about one day resuming his daily regimen of sexual intercourse with random women who look vaguely like his wife, only skankier.

"When I am out there having sex, I am in complete control," said Woods, an acknowledged master of the long game who claims he is only truly at peace when he is between the legs of a woman. "It's just me and my thoughts. And a high-end escort. And the lounge dancer. And sometimes [caddie] Stevie. And probably some stewardess I just met."

"I'm so into it that I usually just block out all the cameras," Woods added.

Saying that fucking is his "calling and [his] one true passion," Woods spoke of how he has always adored the sight of a neatly trimmed mound, the smell of fresh stank early in the morning when the labia glisten with dewy juices, and the feel of a perfect impact with a woman's vagina.

"That sensation just flows right up the shaft, through my hands, and quavers up and down my spine," Woods said. "Ever since I was 16, I've loved that feeling. It's like new every time."

"To be honest, I'd do this for free," Woods added. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

During his announcement, Woods released an aggressive touring schedule that reaffirmed his commitment to sex. He is slated to take part in a three-day lovemaking session in March at the Clarion Hotel in Orlando, and confirmed that he would join a foursome at the Doral Resort and Spa in Miami as a tune-up for his first major fuckfest in Augusta, GA.

In addition, Woods said he will not renege on his annual stop in Dubai, and said he looked forward to boning a prostitute on the roof of this year's venue, the Burj Al Arab Hotel.

The 34-year-old sexual superstar said he is "far from satisfied" by his previous erotic achievements and that he expects to return to sex even stronger than before. However, Woods admitted he may not be in top form at first.

"I'll probably be a little rusty," Woods said. "But once I swing the old cock around a few times and get it in the first couple holes, I'm confident that I'll still be able to drive it as deep as I always have."

"There will be times when I get into some thick muff, and I'll have to set my jaw and hack my way through it," Woods continued. "Just keep my head down and hit that with all the force I can muster. I welcome the challenge."

Woods believes that his long game, which relies on innate strength and stamina, has probably suffered the least from his hiatus, but that his finesse, iron control, and deft touch around the hole are aspects of his game that may be slow to come back.

"I just have to take my time, visualize the line, and read the grain and the slope of the vulva correctly," Woods said. "It's really all mental at that point."

Reaction to Woods' announcement has been generally positive. Many of his closest friends, including Mark O'Mera, said that Woods' return would undoubtedly be great for sex, and that, selfishly, he loves to watch Woods out there doing his thing.

Woods' fans have also been supportive.

"I'm so glad Tiger is coming back," said 27-year-old Florida resident and cocktail waitress Brandi Hughes. "He's the best."

Woods concluded his press conference by saying that he is looking forward to chasing Jack Nicklaus' record of fucking 18 major babes at one time.