Ho Board Porno Workshop

[chickenona]

It still kinda blows my mind that they had so many hand-sanitizer dispensers on the floor of a Vegas casino. Fresh out of the joint you're blissfully unaware of the dangers of swine flu. But what to the ev. Back to that Darth Vader motherfucker furiously lubing his helmet with germ killer with it still on his head.

I saw the gleam of that helmet and knew I had to tongue the fuck out of this guy's frenulum. I burped up a little of the trucker's jizz and realized I needed a highball. I bellied up to the bar, throwing come-hither looks to my hot-ass germophobe over my shoulder as I went.

[chickenona]

Then that motherfucker in the wheelchair almost ruined shit. He came out of nowhere and ran into my target's shins with his Hoverround, blocking him from successfully meeting me at the bar by bowling him over in a tangle of Purell, black plastic and swirling nylon cape.

The cad looked like Tim Roth on the Atkins Diet and his chair was emblazoned with the words "Gray's Ride - Back Off" on one side and "Pee in her butt" on the other. I scowled and knocked back my Jack and coke in one gulp in an effort to head this gimp off, but he was too damn fast for me and was upon my Vader before I could even set my glass back down.

Aiming a Lucite lightsaber at my guy's ear, Roller Boy screamed, "I don't think so, Vader! I saw her first! BITCH IS HOT!" Then he backed up, popped a wheelchair wheelie and ran over my now prostrate Darth Vader. As my man made a sorry struggle to rise to his feet and get more hand sanitizer, this differently-abled roue' threw that chair of death into reverse and backed over my man.

As angry as I was, I couldn't help admiring his style, or the fact that the entire casino staff seemed more than happy to let this evil gimp get away with murder. I slipped him my mom's number and whispered to him to leave a message for me as I ran to my Vader's aid.

[chickenona]

,

[Iron Duck]

I've seen this movie. It was better this time around.

[chickenona]

"Movie"? I am seriously insulted.

[Iron Duck]

"Movie"? I am seriously insulted.

It racks up to the best second half of a love-to-drugs-to-rehab drama I've had the pleasure of reading/viewing, but they've definitely already used this storyline.

[chickenona]

Well, Duck, like I said, my story was real. All that crap actually happened. I can still see that dizzy bitch sitting on that washing machine.

ETA: What fucking movie was this and was there seriously chicks fisting each other and banging each other in the ass with dildos? Now I want to see it.

[chickenona]

J

[chickenona]

Goddammit, look alive you guys!

Surely I'm not the only chick on here who's fucked a young eskimo with a huge dick. Or an old eskimo or a crazy drunk chick or whatever.

[Iron Duck]

Well, Duck, like I said, my story was real. All that crap actually happened. I can still see that dizzy bitch sitting on that washing machine.

ETA: What fucking movie was this and was there seriously chicks fisting each other and banging each other in the ass with dildos? Now I want to see it.

Those are details, not the main plot line, which are what makes it better. Now shh, I'm reading about your Indian encounter. I'm waiting for the part where you ride him like a Cowboy.

[UnknownLegend]

.

[chickenona]

Hahahaha, thanks. I don't know where this comes from a lot of the time. You have natural ability that can't be discounted. I'm 45 and have been writing all my life so self-expression comes easy.

My autobiography will come out in tandem with my best bud's so ask Itjogs when he's gonna write his.

[chickenona]

Hey, Unknown Legend, since we're talking autobiographies, ever read this one?

http://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Life-Cathe ... 0802117163

It's interesting. Sometimes she talks about all the shit she's done like a mathematician droning on about a proof they created. But if you want to read about a bitch who's fuckin' done it all, old Cathy's your girl.

[chickenona]

Y

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

Nobody buys this BFF song and dance shit.

Just sayin'.


P.S. "Jogsy"? BARF!!!

[chickenona]

I got it from Doogie. Sue me.

And of course nobody buys it. In order to buy it, they'd have to give a fuck. Which they don't. They just want the porn.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

In order to buy it, they'd have to give a fuck.

Oh bullcrap - you don't have to give a fuck about something to not believe it. I don't believe in Santa Claus, and there's no way you can tell me I give a fuck about it with a straight face.

They just want the porn.

Wanna bet cash money?

[chickenona]

At this point, Stoner - or Stonesy if you're nasty - sure. And I'm so broke it ain't even funny.

People are diggin' this porn.

Jeez, tough room. I spend the last twelve hours opening up a vein and pouring the contents onto the black screen and all you think anybody's coming here for is to wonder if me and Itjogs are jerking each other off in PM. My feelings are hurt now.

Okay, not really. But goddammit, MY PORN KICKS ASS.

So does UnknownLegend's, incidentally. Where the fuck did she go?

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

I don't think anybody's wondering and your porn does kick ass, but I like it better when it's funny.

Back to your regularly scheduled BFF-a-thon.

[chickenona]

The funny stuff is ongoing and we'll get back to it later.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

I'm sorry that I like the truckstop stories more than the eskimo stories - I just do.

Too bad Sergei isn't here for you.

[chickenona]

He would have been AWESOME at this and it is a damn shame he's not around.

However, my hopes for Hammy have not quite yet faded completely out.

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

[chickenona]

Ho

[Succubyss]

I hate to say this, but I'm more fascinated by the insights into your personal life than I am by the sex.

S (you're very brave)

[chickenona]

It's all totally coming out incidentally.

And this wouldn't be Sludge if somebody's personal life wasn't getting hacked apart.

Nona (braver than I am smart)

[Iron Duck]

Keep it up. By page 8 you could have enough for a feature-length screenplay.

[chickenona]

,

[saracapri]

Not to knock your other stories, chicke, but mentioning Cliff Burton and then not delivering me some dirty details is just wrong. I know you met all the guys that night. I want you to recall every moment of that evening and post it here. If you cannot remember, maybe consider hiring one of those guys who hypnotize people to remember their past.

[chickenona]

I know, hon, and I'm sorry.

That chick Jenn was the one who got me that job. This was years before our thing, but I mention it because I've been meaning to ask her if she's still got the pictures she took that weekend. I know for a fact there's one of James sitting on my lap. If I ever get ahold of them I will definitely scan them and post them here.

I've told you about how me and Lars got stuck in an elevator together for a few minutes and he didn't shut up. Man he was amped to the gills on coke and I could tell he wanted to blow some lines but didn't want to share with me. He wasn't attracted to me. He's the only one in that band who you could call a modelizer, he only liked the really, really fine women. James liked blondes, he'd met us before back at home and was disappointed when my sister wasn't there. But like I said he sat on my lap and we made out for a while because Cliff had gone off somewhere.