Dump Shithole

[milk-milk-lemonade]

Trump praises Kim Jong Un as honorable, refuses to explain why

https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/24/politics ... index.html


What have you done, 'merica?

[Turner Coates]

Trump praises Kim Jong Un as honorable, refuses to explain why

It's because he impulsively starts riffing and expects everyone to accept it as linear thinking. He's just spitting out words and phrases.

[vlad]

Spanky really wants to be on Mt. Rushmore.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ ... ocid=ientp

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — A year before Donald Trump became president, an editorial cartoonist for the Tulsa World pictured Trump standing at the foot of Mount Rushmore, critiquing his fresh-carved likeness on the mountain alongside Abe Lincoln.

"Make me thinner and lose the other guys," the caricature of Trump says to a man in a hard hat. The cartoon served as a critique of Trump's perceived ego and sky-high ambitions.

But after President Trump was sworn in, he relayed his dream of actually being carved on the mountain, according to South Dakota Rep. Kristi Noem.

Noem said the two struck up a conversation in their first meeting at the Oval Office. (Watch in the video above.)

"He said, 'Kristi, come on over here. Shake my hand,'" Noem said. "I shook his hand, and I said, 'Mr. President, you should come to South Dakota sometime. We have Mount Rushmore.' And he goes, 'Do you know it's my dream to have my face on Mount Rushmore?'"

Noem thought he was joking.

"I started laughing," she said. "He wasn't laughing, so he was totally serious."

Noem, who is running for South Dakota Governor in the Republican primary in June, relayed the story to Vermillion native Mitchell Olson while the two were filming a segment for Olson's South Dakota edition of carpool karaoke.

A spokesperson for the White House didn't respond to an email asking to verify the story and whether or not Trump aims to be carved onto Mount Rushmore.

But during a rally in Youngstown, Ohio, last July, Trump hinted at his desire to be immortalized on the 77-year-old landmark.

"I'd ask whether or not you think I will someday be on Mount Rushmore, but here's the problem: If I did it joking, totally joking, having fun, the fake news media will say, 'He believes he should be on Mount Rushmore,'" he said.

"So I won't say it, OK? I won't say it.".........

[exitflagger]

I saw a dog making a sculpture of Trump on my neighbors front yard the other day. Uncanny likeness.

[vlad]

I saw a dog making a sculpture of Trump on my neighbors front yard the other day. Uncanny likeness.

People shouldn't feed their dogs Cheetos.

[Turner Coates]

It's a shame scientists hate Spanky. He has no chance of having a planet renamed for him.

[vlad]

"The mob takes the Fifth... If you're innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?" - DJT Sept. 2016

[TenBenny]

"The mob takes the Fifth... If you're innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?" - DJT Sept. 2016

The only fifth Trump cronies are taking right now is a fifth of Jack Daniels every hour on the hour.

[TenBenny]

Seems Jill Stein is back in the hot seat. Look, no one hangs with Putin if they're not of some significance. Understandably there are still questions about what she was doing at that dinner table with Vlad and Flynn.

https://www.rawstory.com/2018/04/green- ... committee/

[Turner Coates]

On Fox News, Kanye West was ‘the dopey little rapper.’ Now, praising Trump, he is ‘iconic.’
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the ... 6d9a9fabb9

[TenBenny]

What I find really interesting is the way this whole presidency spirals outward. It's like the GOP has been given license to openly go crazy with the corruption and to express its evil, selfish thoughts, all without fear of repercussions.

First, former Congressman and current Consumer Financial Protection Bureau/Office of Management and Budget head Mick Mulvaney basically admits to having given lobbyists who donated money to his office automatic consideration.
https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics ... ions-banks

Then, it's being reported that Paul Ryan has given the House chaplain a choice of a firing or a resignation.
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/20 ... get-fired/

[grishnak boss]

Here are your overlords:

[Luminiferous]

So Drumpf calls into Faux and Friends this morning and rambles for 30 minutes in an almost meltdown manner...


Then he admits on live tv: “Michael would represent me, and represent me on some things,” Trump told the morning show. “He represents me, like with this crazy Stormy Daniels deal, he represented me. And you know, from what I see, he did absolutely nothing wrong.”

The looks on the hosts faces were classic....



Drumpf's lawyers when they heard his admission...

[cowpins]

The first report I read after he stated that Cohen represented him with the Story deal said that his phone line got "disconnected" seconds after he said it. I believe it was a Yahoo News story. Story quickly went away. How great would that have been though.

[DEATH ROW JOE]

So Drumpf calls into Faux and Friends this morning and rambles for 30 minutes in an almost meltdown manner...


Then he admits on live tv: “Michael would represent me, and represent me on some things,” Trump told the morning show. “He represents me, like with this crazy Stormy Daniels deal, he represented me. And you know, from what I see, he did absolutely nothing wrong.”

The looks on the hosts faces were classic....

[exitflagger]

GOP representard Luke Messer (Indiana) is planning to nominate Spanky for the Nobel Peace Prize.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics ... spartandhp

[Turner Coates]

GOP representard Luke Messer (Indiana) is planning to nominate Spanky for the Nobel Peace Prize.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics ... spartandhp

Has he been nominated for anything yet for reuniting ABBA?
He should at least get some chocolate cake for that one.

[TenBenny]

The phone call to "Fox & Friends" is epic. As Trump would say, that was a disaster.

The stress is getting to ol' Donnie. Maybe he generally sees the show and its hosts as having a kind of warm, inviting vibe and so somehow in the moment the floodgates just opened, and he just kept going and going until he had laid out every single thing on his mind. Whatever Trump was looking for from that conversation, there are people in his office who I'm sure immediately realized just how disastrous it was. The man lies so much in general that he can't keep the stories straight. Trump said a number of things in there that he shouldn't have. The stuff about Cohen, the willingness to meet with Mueller. It's all gonna be used against him.

[Turner Coates]

[DEATH ROW JOE]

[DEATH ROW JOE]

Michelle Wolf COMPLETE REMARKS at 2018 White House Correspondents' Dinner (C-SPAN)
https://youtu.be/DDbx1uArVOM

Good evening. Good evening. Here we are, the White House correspondents' dinner: Like a porn star says when she's about to have sex with a Trump, let's get this over with.

Yup, kiddos, this is who you're getting tonight. I'm going to skip a lot of the normal pleasantries. We're at a Hilton; it's not nice. This is on C-SPAN; no one watches that. Trump is president; it's not ideal.

The White House Correspondents' Association, thank you for having me. The monkfish was fine.

And just a reminder to everyone, I'm here to make jokes. I have no agenda. I'm not trying to get anything accomplished. So everyone that's here from Congress, you should feel right at home.

Yeah, before we get too far, a little bit about me. A lot of you might not know who I am. I'm 32 years old, which is an odd age: 10 years too young to host this event and 20 years too old for Roy Moore.

I know, he almost got elected, yeah. It was fun. It was fun.

Honestly, I never really thought I'd be a comedian. But I did take an aptitude test in seventh grade — and this is 100 percent true — I took an aptitude test in seventh grade, and it said in my best profession was a clown or a mime.

Well, at first it said clown, and then it heard my voice and then was like, “Or maybe mime. Think about mime.”

And I know as much as some of you might want me to, it's 2018 and I am a woman, so you cannot shut me up — unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000. Michael, you can find me on Venmo under my porn star name, Reince Priebus.

Reince just gave a thumbs up. Okay.

Now, people are saying America is more divided than ever, but I think no matter what you support politically, we can all agree that this is a great time for craft stores. Because of all the protests, poster board has been flying off the shelves faster than Robert Mueller can say, “You've been subpoenaed.”

Thanks to Trump, pink yarn sales are through the roof. After Trump got elected, women started knitting those p---y hats. When I first saw them, I was like, “That's a p---y?” I guess mine just has a lot more yarn on it.

Yeah, shoulda done more research before you got me to do this.

Now, there is a lot to cover tonight. There's a lot to go over. I can't get to everything. I know there's a lot of people that want me to talk about Russia and Putin and collusion, but I'm not going to do that because there's also a lot of liberal media here. And I've never really wanted to know what any of you look like when you orgasm.

Except for maybe you, Jake Tapper. I bet it's something like this: “Okay, that's all the time we have.”

It is kind of crazy that the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia when the Hillary campaign wasn't even in contact with Michigan. It's a direct flight; it's so close.

Of course, Trump isn't here, if you haven't noticed. He's not here. And I know, I know, I would drag him here myself. But it turns out the president of the United States is the one p---y you're not allowed to grab.

He said it first. Yeah, he did. Do you remember? Good.

Now, I know people really want me to go after Trump tonight, but I think we should give the president credit when he deserves it. Like, he pulled out the Paris agreement, and I think he should get credit for that because he said he was going to pull out and then he did. And that's a refreshing quality in a man. Most men are like, “I forgot. I'll get you next time.” Oh, there's going to be a next time? People say romance is dead.

People call Trump names all the time. And, look, I could call Trump a racist, a misogynist or xenophobic or unstable or incompetent or impotent. But he's heard all of those, and he doesn't care. So, tonight, I'm going to try to make fun of the president in a new way — in a way that I think will really get him. Mr. President, I don't think you're very rich.

Like, I think you might be rich in Idaho, but in New York, you're doing fine. Trump is the only person that still watches “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” and thinks, “Me.”

Although, I'm not sure you'd get very far. He'd get to, like, the third question and be, like, “I have to phone a 'Fox & Friend.'”

We're going to try a fun new thing, okay? I'm going to say, “Trump is so broke,” and you guys go, “How broke is he?” All right?

Trump is so broke.

[AUDIENCE: How broke is he?]

He has to fly failed business class.

Trump is so broke.

[AUDIENCE: How broke is he?]

He looked for foreign oil in Don Jr.'s hair.

Trump is so broke.

[AUDIENCE: How broke is he?]

He — Southwest used him as one of their engines.

I know, it's so soon. It's so soon for that joke. Why did she tell it? It's so soon.

Trump is so broke.

[AUDIENCE: How broke is he?]

He had to borrow money from the Russians, and now he's compromised and not susceptible to blackmail and possibly responsible for the collapse of the republic.

Yay. It's a fun game.

Trump is racist, though. He loves white nationalists, which is a weird term for a Nazi. Calling a Nazi a white nationalist is like calling a pedophile a kid friend or Harvey Weinstein a ladies' man — which isn't really fair; he also likes plants.

Trump's also an idea guy. He's got loads of ideas. You gotta love him for that. He wants to give teachers guns, and I support that, 'cause then they can sell them for things they need, like supplies. A lot of protractors.

A lot of people want Trump to be impeached. I do not. Because just when you think Trump is awful, you remember Mike Pence. Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn't gay.

Mike Pence is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks, “Mmm.” Mike Pence is also very anti-choice. He thinks abortion is murder, which, first of all, don't knock it till you try it. And when you do try it, really knock it. You know, you got to get that baby out of there.

And, yes, sure, you can groan all you want. I know a lot of you are very antiabortion. You know, unless it's the one you got for your secret mistress. It's fun how values can waiver. But good for you.

Mike Pence is a weirdo, though. He's a weird little guy. He won't meet with other women without his wife present. When people first heard this, they were like, “That's crazy.” But now, in this current climate, they're like, “That's a good witness.”

Which, of course, brings me to the Me Too movement; it's probably the reason I'm here. They were like, “A woman's probably not going to jerk off in front of anyone, right?” And to that, I say, “Don't count your chickens.” There's a lot of party.

Now, I've worked in a lot of male-dominated fields. Before comedy, I worked at a tech company and, before that, I worked on Wall Street. And, honestly, I've never really been sexually harassed. That being said, I did work at Bear Stearns in 2008. So, although I haven't been sexually harassed, I've definitely been f---ed. Yeah, that whole company went down on me without my consent. And no men got in trouble for that one either.

No, things are changing. Men are being held accountable. You know, Al Franken was ousted. That one really hurt liberals. But I believe it was the great Ted Kennedy who said, “Wow, that's crazy; I murdered a woman.”

“Chappaquiddick” in theaters now.

I did have a lot of jokes — I had a lot of jokes about Cabinet members, but I had to scrap all of those because everyone has been fired. You guys are going through Cabinet members quicker than Starbucks throws out black people.

No, don't worry, they're having an afternoon. That'll solve it. We just needed an afternoon.

Mitch McConnell isn't here. He had a prior engagement. He's finally getting his neck circumcised. Mazel.

Paul Ryan couldn't make it. Of course, he's already been circumcised. Unfortunately, while they were down there, they also took his b---s.

Yeah, bye, Paul. Great acting, though, in that video.

Republicans are easy to make fun of. It's like shooting fish in a Chris Christie. But I also want to make fun of Democrats. Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don't do anything.

People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You're somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile Nazi Doctor. Oh, he's a doctor?

We should definitely talk about the women in the Trump administration. There's Kellyanne Conway. Man, she has the perfect last name for what she does: Conway. It's like if my name was Michelle Jokes Frizzy Hair Small T--s.

You guys gotta stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don't give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. It's like that old saying: If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree?

I'm not suggesting she gets hurt; just stuck. Stuck under a tree.

Incidentally, a tree falls in the woods is Scott Pruitt's definition of porn. Yeah, we all have our kinks.

There's also, of course, Ivanka. She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she's about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She's done nothing to satisfy women. So, I guess, like father, like daughter.

Oh, you don't think he's good in bed. Come on.

She does clean up nice, though. Ivanka cleans up nice. She's the Diaper Genie of the administration. On the outside, she looks sleek but the inside — it's still full of s---.

And, of course, we have Sarah Huckabee Sanders. We're graced with Sarah's presence tonight. I have to say I'm a little star-struck. I love you as Aunt Lydia in “The Handmaid's Tale.”

Mike Pence, if you haven't seen it, you would love it.

Every time Sarah steps up to the podium, I get excited because I'm not really sure what we're going to get: you know, a press briefing, a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams. “It's shirts and skins, and this time, don't be such a little b----, Jim Acosta.”

I actually really like Sarah. I think she's very resourceful. Like, she burns facts, and then she uses the ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Like, maybe she's born with it; maybe it's lies.

It's probably lies.

And I'm never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. You know, is it Sarah Sanders? Is Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Is it Cousin Huckabee? Is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? Like, what's Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know: Aunt Coulter.

We've got our friends at CNN here. Welcome, guys, it's great to have you. You guys love breaking news, and you did it. You broke it. Good work.

The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.

Fox News is here. So, you know what that means, ladies: Cover your drinks. Seriously.

People want me to make fun of Sean Hannity tonight, but I cannot do that; this dinner is for journalists.

We've got MSNBC here. MSNBC's news slogan is, “This is who we are.” Guys, it's not a good slogan. “This is who we are” is what your mom thinks the sad show on NBC is called. “Did you watch 'This Is Who We Are' this week? Someone left on a Crockpot, and everyone died.”

I watch “Morning Joe” every morning. We now know that Mika and Joe are engaged. Congratulations, you guys. It's like when a Me Too works out.

We also have Rachel Maddow. We cannot forget about Rachel Maddow. She is the Peter Pan of MSNBC. But instead of never growing up, she never gets to the point. Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles and the entire history of the Byzantine Empire. “I didn't need this.”

And, of course, Megyn Kelly. What would I do without Megyn Kelly? You know, probably be more proud of women.

Megyn Kelly got paid $23 million by NBC, then NBC didn't let Megyn go to the Winter Olympics. Why not? She's so white, cold and expensive, she might as well be the Winter Olympics.

And, by the way, Megyn, Santa's black. The weird old guy going through your chimney was Bill O'Reilly. You might want to put a flue on it or something.

There's a lot of print media here. There's a ton of you guys, but I'm not going to go after print media tonight because it's illegal to attack an endangered species.

Buy newspapers.

There's a ton of news right now; a lot is going on, and we have all these 24-hour news networks, and we could be covering everything. But, instead, we're covering like three topics. Every hour, it's Trump, Russia, Hillary and a panel of four people who remind you why you don't go home for Thanksgiving.

“Milk comes from nuts now, all 'cause of the gays.”

You guys are obsessed with Trump. Did you used to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him, but I think you love him. I think what no one in this room wants to admit is that Trump has helped all of you. He couldn't sell steaks or vodka or water or college or ties or Eric, but he has helped you.

He's helped you sell your papers and your books and your TV. You helped create this monster, and now you're profiting off of him. And if you're gonna profit off of Trump, you should at least give him some money because he doesn't have any.

Trump is so broke.

[AUDIENCE: How broke is he?]

He grabs p---ies 'cause he thinks there might be loose change in them. All right, like an immigrant who was brought here by his parents and didn't do anything wrong, I gotta get the f--- out of here. Good night.

Flint still doesn't have clean water.

[Turner Coates]

I loved it, but the result is like pouring gasoline on an anthill.
Spanky does it (without the humor) every single day.

[TenBenny]

People are now pushing back about Wolf's treatment of Huckabee Sanders at last night's dinner. Largely Republicans, including the former people in her job, Sean Spicer and Anthony Scaramucci (milking the five minutes he spent in the role), but some who lean to the left as well. The joke about Huckabee Sanders' smoky ash makeup, one of the main ones in contention, wasn't about her looks but in actuality a dig at her constant lies. But people have turned it into Wolf's seeming assault on Huckabee Sanders' appearance.

Was Wolf right? Wrong? What is the line between taking to task someone in a prominent role helping to destroy the American democracy and allowing her some personal dignity?

[vlad]

Yeah, I've seen that about Sanders eye make-up.

Boys, it's called smokey eye, not smokey eyes. I actually liked that jab at SHS. The ashes of her lies, "facts", that she used for her eye make-up. See, there? It's not eyes make-up. If Wolf had said something like "Your one eye is wonky because you are a lying bitch, THAT would have been something awful.

And while she's slinging some well deserved shit (some funny, some not) at pretty much everyone, BLOTUS was in Michigan lying his fucking ass off.

https://www.google.com/search?q=smokey+ ... 93&bih=479

I do get a kick how people are heading for the fainting couch, many for them the same ones who whine about snowflakes and things being too PC. You know, "Fuck Your Feelings" and all.

[vlad]

We also have Rachel Maddow. We cannot forget about Rachel Maddow. She is the Peter Pan of MSNBC. But instead of never growing up, she never gets to the point. Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles and the entire history of the Byzantine Empire. “I didn't need this.”

I love Rachel. And that she does take a long time to get to the point, I like learning about the things she talks about to get there.

But I did LMAO at that.

[Turner Coates]

Last night's Correspondents Dinner was a like a typical day at Metal Sludge.

....................................................................


White House tree planted by Presidents Trump, Macron mysteriously vanishes
http://abcnews.go.com/US/white-house-tr ... d=54815529

....................................................................

[risingfarce]

People are now pushing back about Wolf's treatment of Huckabee Sanders at last night's dinner. Largely Republicans, including the former people in her job, Sean Spicer and Anthony Scaramucci (milking the five minutes he spent in the role), but some who lean to the left as well. The joke about Huckabee Sanders' smoky ash makeup, one of the main ones in contention, wasn't about her looks but in actuality a dig at her constant lies. But people have turned it into Wolf's seeming assault on Huckabee Sanders' appearance.

Was Wolf right? Wrong? What is the line between taking to task someone in a prominent role helping to destroy the American democracy and allowing her some personal dignity?

When you work for satan be prepared for some hell.

[DEATH ROW JOE]

Trump is so broke.

[AUDIENCE: How broke is he?]

He had to borrow money from the Russians, and now he's compromised and susceptible to blackmail and possibly responsible for the collapse of the republic.

[exitflagger]

1. I dig what she said but Michelle Wolf is kind of doggy. (Get it? Wolf/doggy? Is this thing on?)

2. Who could've predicted Trump and the tards would get all huffy and "Well, I NEVER!" over it? Other than EVERYBODY? She had nothing to lose by going for the jugular because he was going to cry like a thin-skinned little bitch no matter what she said, unless it was slobbering praise of course.

3. Speaking of slobbering praise, is it not completely understood to everybody at this point that any nomination of the Nobel Prize for Spanky is nothing but a transparent effort to get in his good graces? He ONLY responds positively to pats on the head. And it is so automatic that it's almost comical. Once he gets booted or voted out, all those same people will go back to hocking loogies on him again because they won't need anything from him anymore. It is SO incredibly terrifying to have such an easily manipulated ego like his in a position of power.

[SeminiferousButtNoid]

Wolf wasn't offensive, she just wasn't funny. There weren't really any jokes. It was just a rant. Something she said was spot on though about the media and Trump:

You guys are obsessed with Trump. Did you used to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him, but I think you love him. I think what no one in this room wants to admit is that Trump has helped all of you. He couldn't sell steaks or vodka or water or college or ties or Eric, but he has helped you.

He's helped you sell your papers and your books and your TV. You helped create this monster, and now you're profiting off of him. And if you're gonna profit off of Trump, you should at least give him some money because he doesn't have any.