Metal Sludge Gossip Board

Anybody know how to cook asparagus??

Doctor said I need to eat more healthy.

So I picked a vegetable and said, fuck, Immana cook this. But I have no clue. Anybody know how to cook asparagus?? A bought a fuckin bushel from the store. Now what??

first snap of the cut end, just bend it and it will snap off, toss it

take a small fry pan and heat it up on med to med high for a few minutes, you can tell if its ready if you add a drop of water and it sizzles

add some olive oil, just enough to coat the bottom and a little real butter, then toss in the asparagus and saute for a few minutes until its soft

season with spices, not too much though. some salt and pepper, maybe some red chili flakes

that's it, works for any veggie!

Broil it. Cut the hard ends off (don't throw them out, use them to make soup), high heat, olive oil, fresh ground black pepper, turn the spears after a few minutes depending how thick they are.

A little olive oil, salt, and pepper, and wrapped in tin foil and thrown in the oven for the last 15 minutes of whatever you're cooking. Steamed broccoli is also good.

Too late to eat healthy now should have started around time Shawn Michaels was IC Champ
Just continue with the Hostess diet
It’s over for you
Time get healthy- first thing you pick is impossible to cook
You will never look like Liv Morgan just give up

Take asparagus out of the fridge
Remove from packaging (if any)
Throw asparagus in the trash where it belongs
Order pizza

EzyRider wrote: ↑Mon Nov 18, 2024 9:05 pm first snap of the cut end, just bend it and it will snap off, toss it

take a small fry pan and heat it up on med to med high for a few minutes, you can tell if its ready if you add a drop of water and it sizzles

add some olive oil, just enough to coat the bottom and a little real butter, then toss in the asparagus and saute for a few minutes until its soft

season with spices, not too much though. some salt and pepper, maybe some red chili flakes

that's it, works for any veggie!

This process but in the oven

U will never figure out how to cook an artichoke
Just continue going to Walmart and buy Raspberry Zingers

Your doctor doesn’t ever care- just likes charging the insurance

I think we've found Lance Eric's dietician.

Order a big plate of it in a restaurant, eat it, then use your asparagus-stench urine to marinate fresh asparagus overnight. The next evening, In a frying pan, drizzle olive oil and minced garlic. Place two fingers down your throat and projectile vomit into the pan. Bring the vomit to a rolling boil, place the asparagus in the vomit and reduce to medium low heat. Simmer the asparagus until tender. Salt to taste.

Mojo wrote: ↑Tue Nov 19, 2024 9:33 am Order a big plate of it in a restaurant, eat it, then use your asparagus-stench urine to marinate fresh asparagus overnight. The next evening, In a frying pan, drizzle olive oil and minced garlic. Place two fingers down your throat and projectile vomit into the pan. Bring the vomit to a rolling boil, place the asparagus in the vomit and reduce to medium low heat. Simmer the asparagus until tender. Salt to taste.

Your girlfriend has you on an interesting diet.

pieceofme wrote: ↑Tue Nov 19, 2024 10:11 am

Mojo wrote: ↑Tue Nov 19, 2024 9:33 am Order a big plate of it in a restaurant, eat it, then use your asparagus-stench urine to marinate fresh asparagus overnight. The next evening, In a frying pan, drizzle olive oil and minced garlic. Place two fingers down your throat and projectile vomit into the pan. Bring the vomit to a rolling boil, place the asparagus in the vomit and reduce to medium low heat. Simmer the asparagus until tender. Salt to taste.

Your girlfriend has you on an interesting diet.

That's just regular New Mexican food if you add green chile.

Guys, guys, guys.

A friend turned me on to an asparagus trick last year that CHANGED MY ASPARAGUS GAME 100%.

So the trick is this: Before you fry or roast asparagus, throw it in boiling water for 3-4 minutes.

This is called blanching, and it makes the asparagus stay rich and green.

You CAN just eat it after blanching, but I use the blanching as the first step when frying or roasting, and now I get awesome green thickety-assed asparagus instead of the sad, withered up little sticks that I used to pull out of the fry pan or oven.

So, blanch it, then throw it in a pan with some olive oil and garlic salt, and boom: you'll be peefarting like a New Mexico prison cop in no time.

you're supposed to preface that with 'one weird trick .. "

Imma gonna try it tho!!

Some people like baby asparagus, I don't. It burns too easy.
I like the thicker one.
Cut off the ends. Cut it about an inch from the cut end, and then another inch. Leave the tips long.
You can cook it in the oven or the air fryer.
Drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with fresh ground black pepper, and coarse garlic salt.
In the oven, cook at 425 for 15 to 18 minutes.
In the air fryer, cook at 400 for 15 minutes.
It's perfection every time!

Just snap the ends off. No need for cutting at all.

pieceofme wrote: ↑Wed Nov 20, 2024 9:20 pm Just snap the ends off. No need for cutting at all.

I always feel like that wastes too much of the stalk.

First eat something spicy.

Get a good hot brew going.

Stick the sperigus up your ass and let it rip.

Remove and eat.

Enjoy!

try this. sub the asparagus in for the beans. use any veggie really. this is a version of what i make.
i add crisp pancetta and chili oil.
https://spainonafork.com/spanish-garlic ... ns-recipe/

Mojo wrote: ↑Tue Nov 19, 2024 9:33 am Order a big plate of it in a restaurant, eat it, then use your asparagus-stench urine

Glad to know I'm not the only one! Every once in awhile I get coffee scented urine too! Just thought I'd share that with you.

As for cooking methods, I like it nice & simple. Just steamed. Maybe add a little olive oil and salt. Restaurants used to have hollandaise sauce on asparagus but that seems to have gone out of style. I see it served grilled more often now.