Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan

[synsbitch]

where does someone start to tell you the pain they feel for loosing someone they look up to and respect?
do they start at the beginning? the middle? or the end? or somwhere between them all? well i will tell you this its something i have never felt before the pain and reality of it all is just to unreal, unclear and too much to handle too much to take in all at once.
i still believe to this day they are still here with me, watching every move i make, listening to every word just like they did when they were here with me laughing and joking and sometimes crying. but now i cry and laugh alone with my silent tears that i try too stop from falling but no matter how hard i try the tears come the pain over powers me and i let go and sob until i cant anymore or until my body gives out from egsostion or maybe i dont want the reality to catch up with me and all i want is to hold on to them as much as i can by telling myself that they are not gone that they are just away for a long time and will be back soon.
sometimes i think im being selfish holding onto it the pain and hurt i feel because its just a way of me thinking about them instead of the good times maybe i dont want to let go because im scared i will forget them? i dont know the answer fully and sometimes i wish i did its just too much for me at times but i love them and care for them too much so really im not being selfish i mean being like this, showing pain, sorrow weakness, change, a dark place, mourning its all natural its human. everyone does it but in a different way, me i just tend to shut my emotions away from everyone and think i can deal with it like i can come to terms with it all at once and it will be fine but its not so i just find my quite little spot and let everything out. sometimes i'll just cry and sometimes i will scream or just go into my own little world either way thats my dealing with it nobody elses and im not going to change that for anyone because its me its how i deal with things like this.
but now i want to tell you the day they passed.i felt something wasnt right all day i felt like something was missing and i was right something was missing but it wasnt something it was someone a very special someone a unique and talented and passionate someone who cared about what they did in life and how they made people feel everyday of their live. someone who told you just exactly how they felt about you if that person liked you or didnt they would tell you. if you looke aweful in something they would tell you, they werent afraid to tell you anything because if it needed to be said then they were the right person to say it no matter what it was. but like i say all that day i felt things were different.
as the day drew to a close i felt worse like something had been taken away and could never be put back in the right place that they belonged. as the next day came i didnt feel any better infact i felt worse. but then i got a text message on my phone off a friend with the most upsetting news anyone could be given. someone they looked up too, cared for, respected, worshed but mostly loved had passed away. at first i thought it was a joke but when i saw otherwise it was like my world came slowly crashing down around me everything just stopped things werent clear my mind and heart began to race as i tried to put the pieces back together that they were no longer here. i suddenly felt so alone, scared, crushed, lost and confussed all i could think was this isnt true this isnt happening not him not now not ever it cant be it just cant! i tried to go about the day as normal but it was always their on my mind playing over and over again making me want to scream and run never looking back or asking whats next? as i didnt care all i could do was think "why him? why now? what did he do to deserve this?" i couldnt have cared what was going on around me or who said what all i cared about was how are the others coping? i mean they knew him better then me but in some small way i knew him just as well because of his music and his sence of humor. it was like i understood his every beat from his drum, every joke i understood,evrey laugh was ment for me i was the only one outside who knew what he ment by "grapes in the mouth" i can still hear his voice the beat of his drum the feeling i get when i see him and his friends his brothers playing on stage with him too its powerful and its the best feeling everand knowing that jimmy never took any of this for granted makes me miss him more. if its even possible.
in my eyes id say it is only because it was this very special person Jimmy "The Reverend Tholomew Plague" Sullivan and i know there are many fans all over the world who feel the same as me but people deal with things differently to one another but i feel writing it down helps me understand my own feelings towards his passing i think it does anyway but im not fully sure i dont think i ever will be!
as the days passed things werent getting any better infact i think in some small way things were getting worse nobody could have exspected such a thing as this to happen but then i dont think anybody really is truely for someone they loved and cared for dearly passes but i noticed that people all over the world were coming together to pay their respects to Jimmy but i was also angry that i couldnt share the pain, memories and stroies they had for Jimmy. Not being able to do this hurts more then being able to say goodbye i think. In his hometown there was a huge tribute to him but if you didnt or couldnt get there then you kind of felt left out even if you had your own way of paying a tribute not being with other fans like that isnt much for some people i know Jimmy would be thankful for so many people showing so much dedication to him that even he would be overwelmed but in some small way I know Jimmy would be able to handle it. On facebook and myspace people have done pages for Jimmy for others to write about him and what his music did to them to make them love him so like they did and still do. I have even done a page for him "Team Sullivan" i didnt want to put another "R.I.P Jimmy" page out there for fans to see i wanted to put it out so people could come and be happy that in some way Jimmy was in our lives and foREVer will be no matter what happens. I still have other plans i want to do thats connected to "team Sullivan" but i think for just a little while longer it can wait.I dont want it too but it may help things a little.
I think about Jimmy everyday because he was and still is a huge part of my live, Avenged Sevenfold helps me through tough times, when i down, when im happy or planly when i want to listen to some fan-fucking-tastic music Avenged Sevenfold will always be my favourite band because something such as Jimmy's passing has happend wont make me change my mind and it wont make me like them less and it wont make me like them more either its just impossible because i love this band too much already and im thankful they shared their talent with me and im thankful that Jimmys parents were so amazing about Jimmy wanting to be in a band that they stood behind him 110% whilest he did just this. If i could id tell them personally that their son was an insparation to and loved by many around the world and that im thankful he came into my live but even though i can't tell them this i know they already know because of the amazing surport form everyone who is touched by this.
today and (everyday) i listen to i wont see you tonight part 1 but this particular day it really did hit me how much pain matt felt singing this song i always felt connected and moved when i listend to this song but today when i listend to it thinking about Jimmy, Zacky, Johnny,Matt and Brian it really did hit me heavy and it hurt so much thinking im feeling this but what are they feeling? they've lost more than a bandmate they have lost their best friend but more important their brother but the weird thing is i didnt cry i think i was just so overwelmed that, everything in me just went, numb it was like all my tears i wanted to cry refused to come because i wanted to be strong for them all. I know it wont last long because I loved Jimmy in my own little way but for now when i can feel myself wanting to let go im going to think about the guys and remember they have lost more than me because they knew Jimmy personally and they have more right to be angery,upset,lost ,confused and scared then I do. I know Jimmy is looking down and thinking to himself "why is everyone crying? Shouldn't they be happy that im still with them?" Its hard to say but i know that if I think about Jimmy and listen to his gift that he shared with me then i know truely he wont ever be gone I just wish i had the chance to tell him he was unique and so talented that other people envied him because he was the person and amzingly mind-blowing drummer he was!
Maybe one day i will in the "Afterlife"! But who knows for now Im going to do my best at keeping him alive by playing his music everyday and passing it all down to my children and my childrens children. So at the end of it all what i think im trying to say is "You will never fall apart JIMMY, you are still in our hearts never let you fall apart together we'll DRUM in the dark" WE LOVE YOU foREVer DUDE foREVer AND ALWAYS XXX

[MitziDupree]

"When rock stars try to write."

[CrouchingStonerHiddenBong]

Holy wall of run-on fucktardery.

[cookie]

After taking foREVer reading evrey bit and figuring out what it all ment I nearly collapsed with egsostion. I didnt think it would take up a huge part of my live.
whilest this post is a huge insparation, I think you need to get the fuck over it.

[synsbitch]

why dont you all go fuck yourselves no body ased you to read it

[Jack Sabbath]

"...I like Van Halen, not Van Hagar..."

[TawnyVonJagger]

why dont you all go fuck yourselves no body ased you to read it

"ased"?

Bitch, if you're butthurt by being clowned for posting this babbling bullshit drivel, maybe you should've just posted it on your fucking LiveJournal.

[synsbitch]

nobody has said you had to read it slag!

[MitziDupree]

And nobody said you had to post it. What's your point?

[synsbitch]

my point is fuck off dont read it

[MitziDupree]

You really are the drum majorette in the parade of Duh, aren't you?

[cookie]

Why would you believe they are watching every move YOU make?
Just curious.

[synsbitch]

heard it all before love nothing new to me
and i didnt say they were

[cookie]

i still believe to this day they are still here with me, watching every move i make, listening to every word just like they did when they were here with me laughing and joking and sometimes crying.

It was a genuine question.

[ParaDime77]

How much blow do you have to do to write like that. Man

[synsbitch]

ok

[BaGawker2.0]

lo WTF